Need Some Tlc

[Deb]

Hi

 

Feelilng very sorry for myself having got over very angry stage (almost!).

 

Have been on receiving end of undeserved wrap on the knuckles from new chair.

 

Feeling especially ******* as have spent even more of my half term than usual on pre-school business (unpaid of course), including Sunday morning and a day and half in the week getting the setting operational after committee decorated the room.

 

New chair has management experience but does not seem to realize that we are barely paid for the work we do, and she cannot speak to or rather email people, ruin what remains of their Sunday, and that we do so much out of goodwill.

 

Replied to her email, saying you have misunderstood the situation, it may have appeared in such a way but in reality this is what happened. Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, calm the situation and thinking that would be the end of it.

 

Alas the **** has hit the *** but that's another issue.

 

I do not deserve to have been reprimanded in such a way over such a minor issue that I had very little to do with and want to tell her how upset I am. Very cross with myself that I didn't take the opportunity to tell her how undeserved her comments were when I replied to her email. Have I missed the opportunity?

 

I should add that the situation has absolutely nothing to do with the care or education of our children.

 

Have spoken to her in the course of the session this morning on other matters but wasn't aware at the time that things had escalated.

 

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled. Very difficult to explain and maintain confidentiality. Appreciate some advice from you guys.

Edited February 27, 2007 by Deb

[Posy]

Hi Deb,

I think I'd ask for an opportunity to meet and discuss procedures. You could bring up your concerns in the context of your meeting. You've got to have a working relationship with her based on mutual respect. Some people mistake kindness for weakness (or is this my own baggage??!)Meanwhile, don't let her get to you

Barb

[Rea]

Deb, I'd do as posy suggests. If you're anything like me you'll let this build if you dont get it off your chest now. Tell her that you want to clear the air so you dont have any other misunderstandings.

I was accosted at a committee meeting once when I felt the world was against me and it was all on heresay, rumour and misinformation. I cleared things through an open letter but thats 'cos I was scared to face them all again after they'd been so horrible

Good luck

[Beau]

Deb, feeling very sorry for you as I have been in a similar situation and felt awful at the time. I couldn't believe that all my dedicated and unpaid hard work hadn't been recognised and valued. My reaction in these situations is to talk to the person/people involved directly and as soon as possible and clear the air. Since the situation has escalated since your initial communication, I think you would be fully justified in bringing it up again.

 

Big hugs coming your way.

[hali]

totally know what you are gong through - not all chairs are unpaid angels!!!!

 

Good luck thinking of you

Edited February 27, 2007 by hali

[JacquieL]

I think that you need to sit down together and sort this out. There also needs to be some sort of procedure that you both agree to if there are issues your Chair wishes to raise- upsetting people at the weekend is not on at all, everyone is entitled to a life outside and a break. I think that the bigget bugbear we have in these situations the feeling that we are not valued for the care we put into our roles. When we are treated like this it feels like a huge injustice and that, to me, it what really hurts. Talk it through together.

Lots of hugs ((((Deb))))

[Guest MaryEMac]

Sorry to hear your troubles, Deb. I agree with the others and think that you should have a meeting with her. Do you have an advisor who could sit in on the meeting, it might help. Best of luck, will be thinking about you.

 

Mary

[Guest]

I agree with Jacquie - there should be some procedure whereby you are not bothered at weekends, that is your own time. I think you need to have a face to face meeting - emails can be so blunt. Good luck.

[Helen]

Hi,

In total agreement with everyone here. For your own self-esteem you need to take the lead here, and ask, calmly and politely, to arrange a meeting. I'd make some notes to take (bullet points would do); you will want to cover all your points and you might forget some in a stressful meeting. You could also make notes during it; that always looks like you mean business, without being threatening

Good luck; you'll feel SO much better afterwards

[Inge]

not much more to add, but fully understand the problems of working with committee

 

will suggest that you have someone with you when you organise the meeting, we always suggest this in problems of this nature, calms things down a lot, and suggest chair does the same, reminding all before of confidentiality.

 

i do also try to log additional unpaid hours which I do for the setting, particularly when they begin to add up and encroach onto weekends. This can then be shown if a committee really want to know how much I do out of hours. (Managed to get a bonus one year with this as they did not realise the extent of work I do.)

 

Inge

[Guest]

I agree with what everone else has said really. I think it's best to sit and talk to her directly and discuss the situation, communicating with emails is often hard and things can be taken the wrong way. Always good to get things of your chest. I think that sometimes chairmans think that because their work is unpaid that they can contact you in your own time aswell, forgetting that you have a life! (if it's an urgent matter then obviously that's different)

 

Be the bigger person and approach her asking for a meeting, i'd make sure that someone else is present. Working with committes is hard, they have alot that falls onto them if things go wrong and also are the employees, think similar problems with communication are always there no matter which way a nursery is run, wether it be by committee or not. (the sooner you speak to her the better, the longer it goes on the harder it will be to approach her)

 

Good luck with it all, I'm sure you'll feel so much better once it's sorted

 

Let us know how it goes

[Guest]

Yes in agreement with what everyone says, sit down and have a chat. I also sometimes think that if someone does not have very good communication skills that things said in the written word can be misinterpreted and taken wrongly. Perhaps she did not mean to sound the way she did but there again she might have in which case you both need to sit down and talk. As a new chair she may not know how things operate and might have jumped in too quickly in which case she too might be glad to clear the air - I think its the only way forward as you have to have lots of dealings with her in the course of the week/month/year and best to get them all ironed out. There is always the breaking in period with new chairs, some want to make their mark, some take a back seat and some want to genuinely help and find out how things happen and what can be done to help - take your pick about yours but yes an informal chat would be good and say how upset you felt and qualify it by giving examples too.

Nikki

[Deb]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

I decided to reply by return email to the chair's email to let her know how upset I was at the situation because I felt more able to express myself via email, and I also knew deep down that it would really have little affect on the chair's opinion.

 

I agree verbal communication is better and I will try to do this in future.

 

I asked her to talk to all the staff if she wanted to discuss the matter further (as I had been unfairly singled out).

 

Apparently she read out a personal statement at the committee meeting in the week stating that things may have been done a certain way in the past but they would be done this way now.

 

Another person has been more wounded by this situation than me, deeply upset when she was trying to do something good for our group. You begin to doubt your sanity as you cannot see how the situation has caused such offence or warranted such a reprimand, a simple misunderstanding that really should have been cleared up very easily by a conversation. There really has not been an offence. This is really about control. I wish I could show you the emails to prove it.

 

I'm now nervous of putting a foot wrong, don't feel much goodwill towards a group I have dedicated so much of my life to and frankly done so much for.

 

This will be character building! Thank goodness for the forum. Think I'm going to be coming to you guys for advice quite a lot.

[Guest]

Debs, you know how best you wanted to respond but I do agree with others that in future any work related communications should be done during work hours. ( on both sides)

 

'controlling' is one of many of a managers ( committees) functions/ roles, however, the methods used should be positive and not negative.

 

We are always here to listen and big hugs from me too.

 

Peggy

[Rea]

Deb, I still have emails to and from the chair, because I had a feeling she was trying to drive me nuts. She'd say something then say she hadnt, so emails have their place but really a quiet chat would maybe be better. Could it be bought up at future meetings that you and others maybe arent clear of your roles and responsibilities at present and that you'd like things clarified. Then you can take notes and it will all be minuted.

Hang on in there, committees come and go dont you know