Desperate To Leave

[Guest Wolfie]

Would you reconsider your resignation if appropriate action was taken against this staff member?

[Beau]

Well, glad something good has come out of it Shelley. Maybe they will look into their policies and procedures in light of this and set up a better system of monitoring.

[Susan]

Something is being done because at last the people with the real clout know. Your line manager is at fault in this for whatever reason that they failed to act upon your concerns.

 

If, as Wolfie has suggested you reconsider your resignation, be very careful that you have not made your position untenable with regards your relationship to the staff. The dynamics here could be very tricky but only you will be able to judge that. Never doubt yourself in this, you were right to take the actions that you have.

 

Hope this works out for the best for you and for the children

[Guest]

I am feeling very emotional and confused at the moment.

 

All I wanted all along was for this to be sorted, and the fact that it only is now that I am leaving makes me wonder what would happen if I stayed - if something else happened in the future that I needed support with, then would I get it?

 

I love the children and families, and I love the rewards and challenge of the job, and the opportunity to see things grow and develop.

 

I love the rest of the staff (never thought I'd hear myself saying that). The past few weeks, with everything that has happened, has made the rest of the team SO much stronger. They are working so effectively together and really supporting one another.

 

The staff don't know yet, but I anticipate several unhappy people. My line manager has already said she'll make herself available to talk the day I tell them! That'll teach her!

 

I really don't know at the moment. I guess we all have some doubts when we leave a job?

Edited February 22, 2007 by Guest

[Guest]

HI shelley,

 

Its really sad that your line manager didn't support you, and that now its gone up and above her something seems to be happening, but it almost seems like its a little too late now.

It seems like the failings lie with your line manager, as s/he obviously did not refer the issues to HR for support or advice, as you say your resignation letter has now given them food for thought and i think that when they see all the records of the conversations you have had with your line manager they will see that really your line manager should have been supporting you more in all this.

I think it is so sad that it has gotten to the place where you needed to give your notice in before someone actually listened That nursery will be really sorry to loose you. I know you have brought about some great changes and sorted that staff team out (well done you!) and thanks for those minutes too, they helped me loads!!!!)

Do you have another job to go to?.

 

I think really secretly i hope that you can stay at your nursery because its a shame that one person should make you want to leave, particularily when your team have gelled together so well. But only you know what is right for you.

 

Take care, and let us all know how this develops

 

Dawn

[Guest]

I echo Susan and Dawns comments.

 

I thinl you should listen to your own thoughts ...

 

Quote " if something else happened in the future that I needed support with, then would I get it?

"

 

Even if the opportunity is there to rescinder your resignation I think it would be difficult to continue AT THIS TIME, thoughts of will she resign if it gets tough? ( not that that was your reason, your reasons are sound).

 

Better to stick with your decision but view it as a door closed, but NOT LOCKED. ie: move on as you have decided, see what opportunities become available to you but also keep an ear out for what staff changes occur at this setting in the future. The line manager and the member of staff both seem like liabilities to the company, how they deal with it will be up to them.

 

There may be a position you would want to apply for at the setting in the future, I certainly have ex staff who moved on for various reasons who I would be happy to have back again.

Also, sometimes people don't appreciatte exactly what they have until it is gone, so they may, if the situation is right for you, welcome you back with open arms. I do feel a bit of distance now would be best for your self and a learning curve for the setting.

 

Best wishes for the future.

 

Peggy

[Deb]

You must be feeling emotionally drained from all the turmoil going on around you. You are bound to be experiencing a range of emotions. Your state of anxiety could be such that you cannot think straight, sufficient oygen may not be getting to your brain to enable you to think straight.

 

You have done what you had to do and what is right for the children.

 

I agree with Susan, if you were to stay the dynamics within the team could be very tricky. It might be better to make a clean break for a while, as Peggy says there might be a vacancy in the future when they see what they are missing. You could get caught in the crossfire!

 

Do something lovely for you, look after yourself, take a step back and recharge your batteries. Maybe the situation and your feelings will become clearer.

 

Wishing you lots of luck.

[SmileyPR]

I agree with all of them. Let your emotions cool off and listen to your thoughts. Then, see how you feel with your thoughts. Seems contradictory, but you will see that only when you feel peace... then you will know that is the right thing .

[Guest]

Too true - I certainly am feeling emotionally drained right now.

[Guest]

Shelley, what a nightmare it has all become for you, I can relate a little as I am sure a lot of other members will, I handed my notice in and my manager wouldn't accept it, I have had half term this week but have to return next week to face the music, the staff will be shocked and I feel just terrible about it all, it is really difficult isn't it, I, too feel drained and have lost weight this last few weeks.

 

I have three weeks to work at my present setting and I feel that this three weeks will be hard and draining, I thought I would feel lighter and relieved at resigning but I feel guilty and like my life is in a quandry!

 

It takes over your every thought doesn't it? Even though you know realistically the most important things in life like family are all right there with you, and not forgetting the forum.

 

I have read your posts with lots of oooooo's and aaaaa's and now I have stolen a bit of your thread with my own problems, hope you don't mind, maybe there are others reading this and feeling a sense of empathy and support.

 

Good luck, look after yourself.

[Guest]

Shirel - you haven't stolen my thread at all. Am just flattered it's reached 5 pages! I too thought I would feel like a weight had been lifted - and to be honest - I feel rubbish.

 

I've lost weight also. Oh well, my boyfriend is off to get fish and chips in a minute!

 

Take care lovie - have you got another job to go to?

[Guest]

Just had an interview today and have been called back next wednesday to be with the children, so fingers crossed. I am going for nursery assistant positions as I am not coping well with a supervisory role and doing the FDey, it is all a bit much, well that along with a whole lot of other stuff that has happened at work, I feel a bit deflated and lost a bit of confidence since I have had a managerial role, so maybe a step back will do me good??

 

Having a glass of wine now, make sure you enjoy those fish and chips, if you have lost weight at least you will fit into that wedding dress with no trouble, thanks for your kind words.

[Susan]

You will feel better but it will take time. Possibly you both need a complete break before you can start again or perhaps a fresh start will be the break that you need. You are emotionally fragile and at risk, if it gets worse rather than better seek medical help fast. Be strong that you have recognised that things needed to change and you have taken the steps you needed to. Good luck.

 

Although my situation was not what yours is, I have been in a similar situation and survived. This forum kept me sane when I needed reassurance and support and we are here for you too!

[Rea]

Although my situation was not what yours is, I have been in a similar situation and survived. This forum kept me sane when I needed reassurance and support and we are here for you too!

 

 

 

Amen to that

 

 

Nothing wrong in taking a step back shirel. I was playleader for 3 years and looking back since I left I can see I wasnt ready for it. Now I could cope, but I've had more experience of many aspects of different settings now whereas before, I was playleader of the setting I'd trained at and been deputy at. I should have left sooner.

Take your time deciding whats best for you. I have to admit thats why I like supply so much, no pressures, but it does depend on finances and in that area I'm fairly lucky.

Good luck next Wednesday

 

 

Shelley, one of the reasons I felt I had to leave playgroup was the chair, who over time, managed to make me feel quite worthless. Low pay, no chance of a rise in case I (and susequently playgroup) had to pay tax, questioning work based things daily, being unreasonable over a valued staff members salary, and limiting the budget to a degree that I felt unable to provide for the children in the way I knew I should.

Since then she has phoned me for advice, asked me to join the committee (which I did), and the things shes allowed the group to buy is unfathomable, laptops which I'd begged for, garden equipment, plus toys and games I wanted. I have found myself wondering if I'd stayed would these things have happened over time anyway, but that path leads to madness!! I knew my decision was right at the time I made it (she wasnt by any means the only reason, just a contributary factor) and so to wonder about 'if's' and 'ands' was pointless.

Enjoy your fish supper and good luck with your job hunt

[Guest]

Have been barraged with texts this weekend from staff begging me to stay. I got one of them whilst out shopping. It was so lovely that it made me cry in the middle of the shops

 

Anyway, just got in from having a Sunday dinner out, and there was a message on the answerphone, from someone I haven't seen in 3 years. A lady I used to teach with is now the Head of a school. It's a school in a disadvantaged area, with a lot of problems. When I took the netball team to play there, there were children climbing on the roof!

 

She's only been Head since Sept, and she has a maternity post coming up, and she was wondering if I was interested, as she would love to work with me again. Could it be fate??!!

[Guest]

Could indeed be fate Shelley,

 

I am sure you are going to be missed loads though when you leave your current job. let us know how this all develops for you.

 

Good luck for your future,

 

Dawn

 

 

Have been barraged with texts this weekend from staff begging me to stay. I got one of them whilst out shopping. It was so lovely that it made me cry in the middle of the shops

 

Anyway, just got in from having a Sunday dinner out, and there was a message on the answerphone, from someone I haven't seen in 3 years. A lady I used to teach with is now the Head of a school. It's a school in a disadvantaged area, with a lot of problems. When I took the netball team to play there, there were children climbing on the roof!

 

She's only been Head since Sept, and she has a maternity post coming up, and she was wondering if I was interested, as she would love to work with me again. Could it be fate??!!

[Guest Wolfie]

Ooooh, go for it Shelley! As they say, as one door closes.......

[alis2son]

Sounds like you have a real option open to you, its no longer a choice of leave and see what happens and this may be able to put things into perspective for you!

Only you can tell what is best for you! Do you feel like you have finally got some support or like its too little too late?

 

I think that as the registered person they should have given you more authority on the hiring and firing of people in your setting, silly of them not to recognise that! you are there all of the time and are were the buck stops.

And well done for sticking up for yourself! Thats not easily done in times like this (speaking as someone who used to get so tearful in confrontations).

Surely your line manager will now get the kick up the arse she seems to deserve too! I feel that you were well within your rights to go over her head should you have felt you could, as the registered person too!

 

Maybe you could take some time with the relief of something finally being done, and see how you feel at the end of the week. Not sure i believe in fate (as i always believed my fate was to win the lottery, but no! so obviously there no such thing! ), but it definately gives you the freedom to choose without the added worry of finances!

 

I hope you make the choice that makes YOU happy! because you are due your turn! Good luck

[hali]

sounds like it was meant to be shelly

[Guest]

Shelley

 

I have just managed to take a break myself for a week and have discovered your messages. I am so sorry that you have been struggling around the corner from me and that we never got to meet. I have heard such good things about you and what you have changed (for the better!). I am sorry that the area will loose such a strong capable practitoner.

 

I am in a similar situation, biding my time until I get my Degree in June. The last time I saw my line Manager was before the Summer last year and that was just in passing!

 

Perhaps we could have swopped jobs ? Ha Ha!

 

Your life has to come first, if your job affects your 'life' in such a negative way then you should get out.

 

I will be back next week, please try and get to see me, I will offer tea and sympathy (AND confidentiality!)

 

Chin up!

 

Teri

[SmileyPR]

I think that, in "The Sound of Music", there is a phrase that says something like: "When a door is closed, a window is opened"... and it is true .

[Guest]

All the best Shelley, I hope this turns out to be good for you, you deserve it.

 

(p.s I feel much lighter today, spoke to my manager about resignation and she was condescending, rude and made me cry, reinforced why I should go!! Other staff members were a little shocked and upset that I am leaving but generally supportive)

[Guest]

Another huge mistake has been made. There isn't going to be an investigation now - the person in question comes back to work on Friday and gets to carry on as normal.

 

My mind is made up - as sad as it is.

 

Just 7 long weeks to go!

 

Thank-you so much for all the support - I really do appreciate it x

[alis2son]

Im sorry things have not got any better, have you thought about contacting OFSTED to alert them that you have resigned? As the registered person they should know as soon as possible and maybe you can let them know your reasons, its not the nicest thing to have to do, but as you are concerned about a person in position of authority and your line managers are not prepared to take action, leaving your reputation wide open, its seems only fair that you try to preserve it.

Im not sure exactly how that would work, but I hope that you havent been fighting for nothing! And maybe they can do something (even if you are not staying)

 

I hope your 7 weeks go quickly and happily!

Edited February 27, 2007 by alis2son

[SmileyPR]

Another huge mistake has been made. There isn't going to be an investigation now - the person in question comes back to work on Friday and gets to carry on as normal.

 

My mind is made up - as sad as it is.

 

Just 7 long weeks to go!

 

Thank-you so much for all the support - I really do appreciate it x

 

WHAT ? Indeed, a huge mistake !

 

And you have to stay there knowing that? Can't you do something about it?

 

Certainly enough, there is something better for you somewhere else .

 

A big hug for you.

[belle06]

Oh how unbelievable that they are not doing an investigation If you have concerns of the welfare of the children I would as others have advised contact Ofsted there management infrastructure is obviously not capable and if they will not take the opportunity you have given them to put things right maybe it needs a higher power to come in and give them a KICK!!!!

[Guest]

Have just been to the doctors. Apparently I've lost 10lbs - am I'm not the sort of person who can afford to lose anything!

 

Just spoke to my Birth to Three coordinator. She said she can't believe what is going on and that she's applied to work in Asda. She'll be a real loss.

 

I rang the supply agency today and have arranged to go and see them next week. She asked if I was nursery or primary trained, and I said both - she sounded quite pleased about that!

Edited March 5, 2007 by Guest

[Marion]

Good Luck Shelley please take care of yourself !

[Beau]

Shelley,

 

Any chance that I can give you 10 of my spare pounds?? These things are not worth becoming ill over - you have definitely made the right decision.