advice please - all thoughts appreciated

[Guest]

Hello,

 

well i returned to work yesterday after a years maternity leave with my little boy Isaac

 

I had already been forwarned that the room i was returning to was a mess etc..... well i got there yesterday and staff morale in the room is utterly terrible. i had an awful day, Isaac had a long day at nursery and i spent all of one hour with Isaac (30 mins am and 30 mins pm) both centered around getting him up / putting him to bed...... i felt bad, could not eat or sleep last night. I spoke with my husband and we decided we do not want the long nursery days for Isaac and i truely do not want to be away from him so we decided that after one day i was going to give my notice in....... some may say this is a hasty decision, but i know what i was doing was right for us.

 

I told work this afternoon of my intention to leave (could not tell them this morning as manager and owner were off), when i verbally told them they said they understood and that i had to do what i felt was right. they asked me if i would work my notice period and i said yes (after all i had paid in advance for Isaac's place for August so may as well use it) I apologised for returning one day only and they seemed fine. several hours later they called me into the office to say they had decided that it was better for them if i left now and used my holidays as my notice period (i have accrued a few)...... i said that was fine if they would refund my childcare fees since Isaac would not be attending if i was not working..... the owner said no! so i asked why? and they said it was in my childcare contract that i had to give a months notice. so i said that i was willing to work my own months notice(and therefore give Isaac's one months notice) but they were telling me not too. they said they would be out of pocket if i worked my notice as they would then have to pay me wage and holidays owed and they said it was unfair on nursery for me to stay and also that i had been unfair to them in returning for one day only.

 

now i know they can make me take my holiday's as part of my notice period (it says this in my contract), but am i wrong in finding them unreasonable in not refunding my childcare - the manager said i could bring Isaac in for his booked sessions but i explained why would i do that when they have made me feel so uncomfortable, the manager said i was unprofessional yesterday (i wasn't) and when i asked her if that was the case why did she not confront me yesterday over it she just shrugged her shoulders..... it was 5:15 - my shift finsihed at 6 so i asked if i could go they said yes and i collected my son in tears.

 

I am so upset at how they have been with me when i believed that they would understand why i did not want to carry on working (they are both parents themselves!)

 

we also have a childcare voucher sat in my husbands childcare voucher scheme that we will now loose as we don't have fees to pay any longer! (we had already paid them upfront).

 

would it have killed nursery as a good will gesture to give us our fees back!

[redjayne]

As a Manager who allows staff to have their own children in Nursery, and who has had a lot of staff return from maternity leave after having babies I am struggling with some bits of your post Dawn, because wearing my managers hat I would struggle with you spending time with your son in work time - unless it was on your break, and my baby area staff would be expected to deal with things like settling to sleep etc, as that is their job. I also feel that one day isn't enough to make the decision to leave or stay - you are bound to be ambivalent about the return, and the mess you have come back to, but also in the confusion is the worry about your son, which is going to restrict your objectivity possibly. Your employers really are within their rights to ask you to use your holiday etc to cover the notice period and they must feel it would be in the best interests of the setting as a whole to do this. They honoured their part of the bargain by allowing you to return to your position, and have held that for you, so there has been goodwill on their part - they also reserved a place for your son, and as baby spaces in a setting are often at a premium I do understand why they are expecting you to pay the month as per contract - they may well have reserved his space for a while and lost revenue on it - and will lose more if they refund your months fees. As a parent you signed a contract with a months notice - all other parents would have to abide by that, so I can see where they are coming from.

I can also understand your point of view and how upset you feel about all of it - and that your decision is based on how the first day left you feeling, but it takes time to fit back in and feel part of the team again after a year away, and you haven't given it any time at all. If moral is poor already, having a member of staff in a setting who is just 'biding their time' whilst working notice can totally wreak havoc on a team so I can understand why they changed their mind. Sorry if this seems a bit harsh but just felt a Managers view might help ?

[Upsy Daisy]

Redjayne my interpretation was that Dawn spent 30 mins with her son before and after nursery, not during the day. Maybe she can clarify that for us.

Dawn, have you considered asking the nursery to take the voucher and refund you the up front fees in lieu?

[Guest]

RedJayne - thanks for a managers opinion. when i spoke about spending time with isaac it was time i spent at home with him. when he was in nursery i dropped him off before the start of my shift and then did not see him till i picked him up at the end of the shift. i can see the point about them honouring there side of everything... ie keeping my job open (although of course legally they have to do this). i can also appreciate that with low moral they may feel having me gone is best (although i certanly was not adding to the low moral).

I guess the thing i am most annoyed at is i did not refuse to work my notice period (so i was honouring my commitment) but they have made it so tenuous a relationship that they know i will not bring Isaac in over the next three weeks (that are paid for) because they made me feel like **** (pardon my french!) as a member of staff so why would i just put on my 'parent hat' next week and take him in as if everything is okay..... i don't think there are many that can do that!.... at the end of the day it is only a bit of money, but i believe i have been very fair with them in the past.... bent over backwards to help them out etc etc and now when i ask one goodwill gesture they say no.

I also know as a fact that they were not turning away business to keep a place for Isaac, so although they will loose out financially by me taking him out, they had not lost out by offering us the place and it is proabably no skin of their nose to refund the fees.... but maybe i am stupid and naive to believe in human kindness every now and then.

I do appreciate your imput though :-)

 

Upsy daisy - i doubt with the way it was all left the nursery will be willing to do anything to help us over the voucher situation..... its more annoying than anything, we now have lost £243 voucher and £350 fees..... my husband thinks that because the voucher is electronic it has no expiry date so it can sit in his account and we can maybe use it if we are going to send Isaac to pre-school further down the line - so we shall look into this.

[Stargrower]

What a difficult situation for you Dawn. I can only add that I think you have made a very hasty decision. Your first day back after a year's maternity leave is likely to be horrendous even if you worked in the most wonderful and supportive setting. Not only are you returning to work in a setting that you knew was in dire straits and therefore it was not going to be an easy (or for that matter, pleasant) day. On top of that, you have had to leave your little boy who you love and will miss terribly. With all that to contend with and all the heartache of leaving your baby, I cannot see how you can make a rational decision about your future. You may not have wanted to leave Isaac for a long day at nursery, but had he had a bad day?

I agree that it appears that the nursery have acted harshly but it seems they also acted entirely as your contract stated. Nobody can afford to lose nearly £400 but the decision to give up your job must have had financial implications for your family.

I do hope you have made the right decision for you and for your baby. If you feel the decision is right and was not made too hastily, forget the money and be happy you are able to be with your baby.

[Guest]

the decision was right for us, and if we are honest was something we had discussed even before i returned but we decided that i should return to give it a try..... i had planned on trying for more than one day but the nursery has become very unprofessional and poorly run now (it would be pushing a satisfactory from ofsted in one of the rooms) and i don't want to A) be associated with that nursery any longer and B ) pay for the privalidge of my son being there when it has gone down hill since i went on maternity leave..... (i am not saying it has gone down hill because i went on matewrnity leave!, but it has just changed (negatively over the last year).

 

as a new mum i was never going to truely know how i would feel about returning unless i tried, so i have no regrets in trying!. yes the nursery are annoyed i only tried for one day, but on the other hand they would have been annoyed had i have stayed for say three months and then left! - i think it was a loose loose situation.

 

in terms of loosing the money i guess the fact that i lost it is not the main issue .... leaving work does not have massive implications on our finances (apart from we wont have holidays now for a short while) - my wage less childcare was only about £70 a week - so tightening our belts in terms of luxuries was all we needed to do to make being at home do-able! - as i say i don't knock anyone that needs to work but for us it is not right. Isaac may be our only child and i guess i feel i should be home to enjoy him..... but each to there own!.

 

I suppose i should not have come on here ranting, and maybe my original post was not clear in terms of my thoughts. (i wrote the post when i got home last night and was very emotionally charged!.

 

Thanks for all feedback

 

Dawn

Edited August 9, 2013 by Guest

[Stargrower]

This is the place to rant if you need to...and we all do sometimes!

From your last post it really does seem that you made the right decision. You have walked away from working in a poor setting and placing your son there too. Enjoy your time with your baby while he is still little.

[Rea]

I worked with a woman who did the same Dawn. Had a baby, returned to work and decided then she couldn't be apart from him so never came back. I absolutely don't blame you, when planning our mortgage I knew I would never put my child into a nursery so bought a cheaper house.

I can see the managers view point, if you stay for your notice, everyone will get used to seeing you again, children and parents and could be unsettling. Its a shame about the money but there are some times when you have to write it off to experience.

Enjoy your little boy

[Guest]

I think you made the right decision for your family.

 

You can always look for work part time when Isaac is older - if you want to.

 

After reading your first post, I thought you had been a bit hasty but changed my mind after you posted again this morning. Why spend time away from your baby when you don't have to? The early years go to fast to spend them apart.

 

Enjoy spending time together

[Guest]

I think you have made the right decision for you and your family.

Just a word of advice ...

Keep up to date with the EYFS; being at home you will quickly 'lose touch' with ideas and changes - you may well be looking for a job in the early years sector in a few years time. You might not want to think about it right now but try to get involved (not just by attending) in toddler groups or other parenting groups to help you 'keeping on thinking' EYFS! I think you will find that helpful in the future. And of course - continue to subscribe to the FSF, if you can - probably the best way to keep in touch !

Enjoy your baby!

x

Edited August 9, 2013 by Guest

[HoneyPancakes]

Sound's like you've been through the wringer Dawn. Looking forward, I'd just like to share that when I had only one baby, I worked as a nanny. I got to keep my baby with me while earning a bit of money on the side. If you work in other people's homes you didn't have to be registered (hope that's still the case). Childcare for short periods (less than two hours) also does not require registration. It may be that you could earn more money in less time and keep your lovely baby with you.

 

When I had my second baby and Number One went to school nursery, I became a registered childminder and never looked back. There are options in life. Enjoy your baby and I wish you every future success.

 

Honey