green hippo Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Hi all, Should we be truthful with our children about family arguements, who likes who, who thinks what about who... My little boy (5.5) came out with a statement tonight regarding a disagreement between 2 close family members - I and as far as I know my husband has not told him about this arguement so I know who he got it from. I was initially shocked that this person would tell him about her feelings towards the other family member. But after thinking about it, maybe he should know that family disagreements happen, not everyone gets on etc. I was brought up knowing that there was ill-feeling around but never quite knowing/understanding why and I don't think has done me any favours in my adult life? What do you think? Thanks Green Hippo x Quote
sunnyday Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Goodness that's a hard one! :blink: I think we all try to 'protect' young children from situations that we feel they may not fully understand, I don't think that I would feel that it was appropriate to discuss such adult matters with a child as young as 5..........but now that the 'cats out of the bag' you are left with little choice....... That wasn't a particularly helpful answer - sorry Quote
Rea Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I've always been truthful with my children about family and even friends, they were always warned not to repeat anything they heard at home! but I have hidden from my niece and nephew the fact that I cant stand their mother. I think its up to you to tell your children, I certainly wouldnt want mine being told by anyone else and I'm sure my brother wouldnt want me telling his children. I cant see my niece and nephew can be in the dark as I havent even mentioned her to them in the 8 years they've been divorced, but now I wonder if one day they're going to ask me if I like her. I wont lie, but I'm sure my brother would prefer things to stay as they are. Quote
Inge Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 A tough call but I fully believe that I would have to discuss something about family disagreements and would have to go down the road of making sure they knew that just because that person has a problem it does not mean they they have to agree... hard for a child of that age to understand that they need not be influenced by someone else's comments.. I would possibly be concerned that they would follow the same way and think they have to also have an issue with the person.. but like one parent 'brainwashing ' a child about the other one with bad comments etc using them as a tool . it was wrtong of the adult to chat in this way to one so young.. or maybe he overheard a conversation between 2 adults when they thought he was too young to understand while they talked in his presence... many do not realise how much they understand or listen to at that age.. Quote
green hippo Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Thanks for your replies. I'm already stuck in the middle of this disagreement and will not be going into great details about it with my son but after my initial shock thought that although this person shouldn't really have said anything maybe it's not the end of the world. As long as he understands that it's nothing to do with him and that sometimes people don't like each other. I know he is young but like Inge said - they do actually pick up and understand such a lot and maybe it's more confusing to not know. I was in my teens before any sort of disagreement/dislike was talked about in our family and I think it still effects me now - as with this particular incident, I find it very difficult to accept that these 2 people don't or can't get along and feel that I need to fix it! Green Hippo x 2 Quote
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