SueFinanceManager Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 He has injured staff, stabbed me in the face with a wooden toy, scratched, punched, slapped, kicked and headbutted me numerous times, to numerous to count. I have pictures of all the bruises, places he has drawn blood on us and other children. He injured one member of staff to the point where her shoulder was so badly hurt she was signed off work for a week!!! Ok, please put me right good people but if I came into the office here at FSF HQ and a member of the team inflicted injuries to me as you describe above I would be within my rights to take actions against that person so why oh why do you as a practitioner have to allow yourself to be the victim of this level of physical violence and all the emotional upset that goes with it. If not only the children in the setting are at risk from this child but also you and your staff you must be within your rights to refuse to have him there even if that makes you feel you have failed him. You are a private setting yes? Another consideration, in these difficult times if parents start to remove children this could really effect your future business. In my experience parents like to think they are understanding and are happy to support you and the setting until their child is affected then they turn and their empathy towards this child and the obvious problems he is having will disappear. Whilst I think it is important to try and help a child with special needs and for the other children (and parents) in the setting to learn about diversity and inclusion sometimes you just cannot. Some children are too difficult to support without 1:1 care and most importantly the complete support of the parent. We had a few special little ones in the setting where I worked but we were incredibly lucky that the parents involved were receptive to advise and allowed us to involve agencies and that enabled us to get 1:1 set up. I think if the parents will not agree to a strict behavioural contract as suggested before and the parents will not get onside with a view to seeking outside help then you may have to consider parting ways. Sad but maybe for now you need to give the other children in the setting the most fantastic experience of nursery you can in stead of upsetting all of them, your parents and staff for one child who you cannot reach. Really big hugs coming your way and I hope the staff member who has taken offence can be turned around, maybe explain to her that after all that has happened this term you really feel the need to celebrate the years good times together and it just wouldn't be the same if she wasn't there......failing that cry at her and then she is bound to come 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flowlow Posted December 17, 2012 Author Share Posted December 17, 2012 Hi Sue we aren't a private setting we are charity run. Had a long chat with parents today didn't get very far, also chatted to the inclusion team senior advisor, she was going to phone and chat to parents this afternoon so fingers crossed that has happened. She was also going to talk to her manager tomorrow I get the feeling no one knows what to do with this little boy or the family. He had a good day today and finished it all by running down the hall shouting really loud that he loved me bless him. it just so hard!!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 charity run is usually classed as a private but a non profit making setting.. as opposed to one run by the LEA..or in a school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finleysmaid Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 It seems from your post that you don't want him to go...if you had the right support. Or do you feel that the damage has been done and you can't undo it? I really like Sue's answer, she is quite right you should not need to put up with physical violence and therefore i would use this to help push for more support from all concerned. I would suggest to Mum that you are happy to have him but cannot support him if she does not support you. Can you raise a CAF for him? and bring in others? Force MUm's hand to accept support . If you cannot 'meet his needs' then IMO you can ask them to remove him....but you would need to record it all carefully, if the family were to try to take you to court on this you could say that you have not had enough support from your LEA and that it was their fault you could not support him because they did not give you financial or personal support to keep him(i'm not suggesting you go down this line but maybe you need to dangle the idea in front of your LEA????) perhaps it's time you get tough on everyone in order to give you and your team a break! xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 Just a few more days till Xmas hols Joanna1. Let the child go to another setting that can meet his needs. Is it really fair to the child and his family that they are attending a setting that is uanble to meet his needs? No. This is no criticism to you as I can tell that you are caring and passionate about your role. So have the meeting with the family, relay your concerns, offer possible solutions, get the advise and support of the early years advisor, area senco, health visitor, children centre and cut the cord. Its not fair on you as a practitioner nor the family. Harsh? Nope its sensible. You and the child matter and its no use both of you being so stressed and unhappy. x All the best and hope you get a well rested xmas!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flowlow Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 Hi everybody I just wanted to thank you all again for some much needed support at the end of last term I was on the floor, I have had a lovely Christmas but am very unsure what I am going back to so not really looking forward to it but hey ho!!! The situation was not really resolved to my mind although we have a small way forward I hope . With the backing of the inclusion team I did tell mum and dad that I felt our setting was no longer the best place for this little one and, I thought, gave very clear reasons why another setting may be a better environment. Without using names (which is obviously our policy) I relayed the complaints I had received and my concerns for their child's emotional well being and why I thought a new start would be the best all around. Although I have never had to do this before I imagined that once the courage had been found (the inclusion team were there and felt my arguments were sound and really and extension of what they had already said) that the whole thing would be over. This it seems was a little naive . Essentially the parents refused to move him! despite the fact I made it quite clear that our environment does not suit him and the reasons why and that there would be no staff available for the 1:1 care for the first 4/5 weeks back. Over a period of three of four days we had various discussions I even re-phoned the inclusion team and asked them to phone again and lend their support for a transfer somewhere else. Their arguments against moving included: If it was bad weather they couldn't get him to another pre-school It suited them as the mum works in the school He has a too close connection to me and would feel abandoned All the children at the pre-school would be the ones he goes to school with What's the point????? No other pre-school will take him (they phoned one in the late afternoon and as they didn't reply in by the following morning, even though they were in pre-school so not home to take the call, it must mean they don't want their child) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I had good points to counter all the above including very pointedly saying this needs to be about what is best for their child and what will give their child the best possible chance to be successful, I even used the phrase I hate 'to get their child ready for school' (as he would not cope at the moment in a classroom environment which I pointed out) I offered to go to the new pre-school or nursery with them and help settle him in, but all to no avail. It ended with dad saying point blank he refuses to move and when I enquired he said mum will just agree with him as she cant cope at the moment. They intend to do the 1:1 themselves so that will be three hours every day for the first 4/5 weeks (however they have already tried to get out of a session here and there and the term hasn't even started) I guess it must be a compliment to my setting and our care but I have to say, despite it feeling a horrible thing to say, we did hope the end was in sight then it was all whisked away. Again we cannot exclude and if he has no where else to go he is entitled to education and therefore we have to provide!!!!! For the Christmas play however the child did manage it just about although mum spent the whole time given another parent the evil eye as she felt this was one of the parents that had complained and even dad said he was a little concerned that she would and I quote 'go and start something or 'ave it out in front of everyone'. Thankfully this did not happen with some speedy intervention the joke is we have never said any names or hinted ever but she did guess right again not that we confirmed or denied it. The upside is that the educational psychologist is supposed to come in Thursday to observe and discuss things as organised by the inclusion team, the down side the parent were unaware of this so we still don't know if they will give their permission (although I think they may do as we had previously tried to get them to move) and I have as yet seen no letter of confirmation so I am off to email and confirm with fingers crossed. The joys of our job!!!!!! :huh: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flowlow Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 oh an I forgot (no pun intended ) the forgotten member of staff never did come to the slightly subdued Christmas works gathering, although was talking to everyone by the end of term lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueFinanceManager Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Thanks for the update....still sounds like a challenging situation to deal with on a daily basis. Can you insist if the parent does not attend to give 1:1 then the child cannot attend as you don't have free member of staff? Is the child better or worse when parent is in the setting? Continued virtual hugs coming your way Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flowlow Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Can you insist if the parent does not attend to give 1:1 then the child cannot attend as you don't have free member of staff? this is what we are aiming to do, I have already stressed this last term twice so will stick to my gun! He isn't really better when parents are in, different but not really better. Also concerned parents will not be as hands on as we have been, dad has a habit of sitting miles away so if there is trouble he wont get there till after a lot of damage been done. Dad will probably be doing lots of the 1:1 but he doesn't interact well in pre-school environment Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Well you need to set out some ground rules about your expectations of what he should be doing when he arrives to support, perhaps 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueFinanceManager Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I think Cait is right.....if dad doesn't offer effective 1:1 you are better off without him there. Maybe you need to emphasise the point that the child cannot be in the setting without effective 1:1 and if dad cannot be that he will need to pay for additional staff to allow you to have good 1:1 or remove the child. Sounds really harsh but he needs to understand the situation Good luck with it all x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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