laura Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Hi all, really hoping you wonderful peeps will be able to give me some advice- Here goes: On Friday a mum comes and collects her son at 12, its his second session with us. I am seeing him out. Mum goes to his peg, gets his coat and tells me his change bag is missing. I look around the other pegs and spot another bag the same. I suggest that another mum has taken the wrong bag home and we'll check with her. Mum seemed fine about this. We chatted about how much he is enjoying it a pre-school and she asked if he could start to do lunches (he's funded so his booked in for 5 sessions but they didn't want to send him full days straight away) Said yes no problem, can do entirely what she wants, pick up at 1, 2 or 3 whatever she felt he was ready for. So, on Monday, his mum comes and collects him at 1. She asks me about the bag, I said we have asked the parent in question and she didn't take it. I say that I'm sure it'll turn up and ask did it have his name on - NO, and its got a new pair of jeans in it. Oh dear says I , well I can put a note on the door, I'm sure it'll turn up. I go to fetch my son at 3. When I get back to pre-school ay 3-20 a member of staff has taken a phone call from the father asking what we were going to do about finding the bag. I get home and email all the parents on my contacts list (including to this family) asking if it hs been taken by mistake. I also email dad to say i sent the copy of email, and to let him know what I was doing and that like I said to his wife I had put a note up on the door. I asked him if he could find me a photo on the internet of what it looked like so we knew exactly which one I was looking for. I get in tonight (tuesday) to find an email from 10pm last night saying the following: I do realise that this may seem overkill just for a bag, however there was a pair of Jeans within this bag (which were pretty much brand new) and Joshua's Favourite drinking beaker (which he still asks about). Everyday we get him ready for playschool, he is always asking about his Toy Story 3 backpack. now yes these items can be replaced, but I would like to think that they will be returned... if not how can we be assured that this won't be a repeated occurance. To be really honest my partner and I have not been overly happy with the response from you and your team about this incident, as I dont feel that it has crossed your mind to the impact that this event has made or may make on Joshua having his things taken from him, not knowing if the rest of his things are safe ever!!! these significant emotional events are the catalysts to many problems in the future and I would hope that this will be resolved in a pleasing result. Now I was going to reply by email but thought better of it, I think I am going to ring the mum and raise the issues dad has put in his email. What on earth am I going to say???? I don't think he's justified in saying he's not overly happy with our response, do you? What am i going to say about uch a significant emotional event!!!? We have never had a change bag go completly missing before, they usually do turn up, I can keep his bag in the office in future if he would like...... HELP!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest colechin Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 So sorry to read your message and I haven't got an answer for you. I do think talking to parents is better than emails, as emails can be misunderstood or read too much into. Your right to ring mum. Good luck, with this matter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thumperrabbit Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I would agree about giving them a telephone call instead of an e-mail for your response. It's funny how some parents just let some things go, and others make a huge issue out of something. We have some very 'awkward' parents this year ourselves, I usually find it's the ones who have their 1st child with us and don't really understand that things go missing/paint gets spilt on designer clothes etc but they soon learn! I had a mum last year who got a little 'wound up' over a hat, again which had no name in it and I said the same as you when it has no name tag these things will happen...it did turn up 3 months later at the bottom of a box of toys and when returned mum just laughed. Sorry no advice, but hopefully when you speak on the telephone maybe the tone will be slightly less intimidating, fingers crossed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 What a tricky situation. I completely agree with what colechin says about emails, and this could be especially true since you are in the early stages of your relationship with these parents. Thinking about the area the bag went missing from, my guess is that it is open to all parents? This makes it difficult for you to guarantee that parents won't pick up the wrong bag and as you say, these things usually turn up eventually. It sounds to me as if you've done everything you can in the circumstances. Do you know if the bag and its contents were named? I'd check with the parents, so that if someone has picked it up thinking it is theirs they'll know wheer to check for a name to make sure! Do your children have mixed attendance patterns? I always say to parents that it can take a week and a half to allow all parents to come back to nursery, see notices, check their cars/bags and confirm that they don't have it, or bring the missing item back. I'd be wary of offering to keep his bag in the office, because every time something was needed a member of staff would have to go and collect it. I did smile at the idea of losing a favourite beaker/bag being a 'significant emotional event' but then I thought about the mayhem that can be caused when a toddler loses their favourite toy and can kind of see where he's coming from. That said, it sounds to me as if the parents are more concerned about this than the child is (do you see any signs of distress in the child caused by this?), and I think probably you have a bit of work to do in order to build up a trusting relationship. I wonder what the parent is expecting you to do? Our cloakroom is open to all parents/carers in the morning and at pick up, and unless parents come in late we don't see what bags they brought in with them. I've known parents to tell me an item of clothing/bag is missing only to come back the following day and say they found it in their boot! Good luck - hope it comes back to nursery in the morning and all is resolved happily! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Yes, the area is open to all parents so it could have been anyone taking the bag by mistake. The bag and clothing weren't named - reminders are sent out in all newsletters that they received Monday last week as well as in enrolment paperwork under top tips. He certainly doesn't seem distressed about his lack of his beaker, but obviously we have scarred him for life lol! I have said that some children might not attend pre-school again until Wedenesday or Thursday so there is still time for it to appear. In my email to all parents i put something along the lines of 'i know i don't always check the content of my daughters change bag so please just double check in case you've picked up the wong one'.problem is we have no spare bags left! I thought Ii'd ask them what they'd like me to do in the future regarding his bag. In theory if it is clearly named on the outside as we ask, nobody would 'steal' it as it has got someone elses name on it. Mum seems much more reasonable than dad so hopefully will have a good chat and will also invite them in to discuss it if they would like to. Our job would be soooo much easier without parents wouldn't it! Edited January 18, 2011 by laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlettangel Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 In amongst this somewhere surely parents have to take some responsibilioty for an un named bag?!!!!!!!!!!! I have 3 lunch boxes the same at the moment in morning nursery and have asked and asked for them to be named on the outside........ if it doesn't happen who can blame a child for taking the wrong box home?!!!! If it has been "stolen" because someone fancied a toy story 3 bag if its not named it was more of a temptation too!!!!!!!!!! I don't like the sound of this parent and this type of email over a situation which you have tried to resolve. What might he be like when his son hurts himself or something more significant happenes!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 I Know Scarlettangel, that has crossed my mind, this could just be the start of things to come! I'm not looking forward to the phonecall thhis morning! I think I will again re-iterate what I have done to find the bag, ask what else they think could be done and discuss that, and what they would like to do in the future regarding his bag and I will discuss naming it etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Really hope 'the phone call' went well Laura...... What a nightmare I wonder what 'significant emotional event' happened to him that resulted in him having such a problem We have sometimes had things - bags, wellies, coats - go missing for a couple of days if a grandparent or childminder has collected - could this be what's happened here? It is just awful when a parent has a completely 'over the top' reaction and does leave you feeling really 'wary' Hope it all works out well x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 Well arrived at pre-school to find the bag returned to us by another parent, thank goodness! So I was able to ring with happy news to the family that it had been found. Mum was really pleased. I did mention in a polite way that I was worried that they didn't think I had done enough and didn't want our relationship or sense of trust between us damaged. She was fine and just said it was because their child had been so distraught when he got home from pre-school and that it was so early on in the term, that her partner was worried about him. Apparantly he was at home and would remember about his bag and cup and start sobbing! Not actually sure about this as althought we haven't had him long we are noticing a few behavioural things so we shall see.... So hopefully all resolved - until he gets a bump, paint on his t-shirt, toy taken off him........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Phew! I've had a thought! To aid Partnerships with Parents, why not invite parents into your settings for a morning and ask them to bring with them their child's belongings (that accompany them to your setting). Give them all something to write with. Then they can sit with their child and write their child's name - children can watch - on their belongings - don't forget the shoes! Many areas covered there! A Name and *Shame* Morning! Well, that title can be worked on.... ppp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Sure that you don't need me to point this out........but, are you going to keep copies/log of your dealings with this family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 Oh yes Sunnyday - all recorded! PPP - absolutely, a brill idea! The number of coats not named today was a nightmare, think we will be armed with permanent pens tomorrow...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 think we will be armed with permanent pens tomorrow...... Good plan!! I take a laundry pen with me when I organise the "chaperones" backstage at a dance show... when they're all wearing identical costumes life gets VERY complicated You can imagine the parents faces when we ask them to name EVERY item before they sign their children in The Dance Teacher found it hilarious and said she wished she'd thought of it - it's saving her and her staff hours of sorting out lost property at the end of classes and if any of the parents made snotty comments she could put the blame on me Perhaps we should all put a laundry pen in our welcome packs?! Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fay Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) many years ago, when you could get away with it - I used to give my reception children a sheet with line drawings of all their clothes on. they would check their clothes ( we had a pool so under wear too!)colour in/tick the clothes that were named and write/copy a note to their mums aking them to name all the things not ticked - worked well ! there's nothing like an indignant child pestering to motivate parents. Now we have a laundry marker and regularly pile up all the unamed clothes , and ask the parents to find and name them before they go. Edited January 15, 2012 by fay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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