If The Ground Could Swallow Me Up!

[Guest]

Arrrrgh......basically I have moved hell and high water to make spaces available for a family who have specific needs that need our support...and so after juggling numbers of children and staff we can offer this family what they need....they are elated (mum cried) - they visit today after weeks of trying to get this sorted....they are looking around and one little boy looks at the visitor and says

 

"when I am bigger I am going to stab people"

 

I was shocked! The parent who desperately wanted a place is shocked....what an odd thing to say ...I have real concerns with this child...I informed the parents what he said who laughed!

I said it really wasnt funny and a serious inappropriate thing to say....he also swears and is really disruptive at carpet time - each time I talk to the parents who are not interested whatsoever....so far we have persevered in encouraging appropriate behaviour, offering responsibility and dealing with it best we can but I am now at the point where I am starting more observations ABC charts....what would you do?

 

It feels like we are fighting a losing battle....bad language, shouting, aggressive and rude behaviour, last week he punched me in the eye?

 

HELP.....I suppose calling in the EY advisor is the next step..

 

thoughts and comments welcome.....

 

and thanks for the chance to offload!

[Cait]

Oh goodness me!! Have you taken him on permanently or is he in a 'settling in, trial' phase (we wish!)

 

Yes, definitely EY advisor I'd say, and possibly ask Mum to come to stay at sessions for a while if you think that might help. I'd do the ABC stuff too

[Guest]

Thats awful, definatly the EY advisor, chances are (although I don't want to make assumptions) mum won't be bothered enough to come in and observe his behaviour if this is her response, especially punching staff that is awful

[Inge]

My thoughts.. he has to have learnt this behaviour from somewhere.. wonder what his home life is like.. If parents seem unconcerned or laugh it off it may be normal at home for the language and behaviour.. we had one child who saw swearing as everyday language as parents used it all the time.. just part of their normal conversation.. empty words which had no meaning really because of the amount they used it..

 

perhaps he watches a lot of violent tv or games..

 

don't know age of parents but could dad be playing some of the violent games on console while he watches..

 

just throwing a few ideas for reasons why he behaves that way..

 

seems you have been doing the usual advice already, but more obs, record incidents and Ey advisor..

 

trouble is if it is home based without parent al support it is hard to change things..

 

Inge

[Panders]

I agree with what Inge has said - we had similar problems a couple of years ago - and the lad turned out very well after some awful months. Mum and Dad were constantly asked to stay back and discuss what had occured during the morning, unlike your parent they appeared to be supportive, but in essence they were saying and agreeing with things and "telling me what I wanted to hear" type stuff. In reality they were a very young couple living together and living the lives that some very young teenagers do and only wanted him to behave when it suited them, but not to conform to any kind of behaviour that was socially acceptable.

 

When I mentioned that we would have to have meetings with school to handle the transition she became worried that Social Services would become involved and this triggered a change in behaviour in the child - or so it seemed to me anyway, nothing much else we tried before that did. He became a pleasant child to have around during his last term with us, still prone to a quick to temper and confrontational but stopped hurting anyone and became a bit of a favourite with the girls - although the way he spoke to them, I did wonder at what happened in front of his eyes between mum and dad.

 

I did used to say things like, some of words he used were not kind words and he could ask mum if he could use them at home, but I didn't want him using them at nursery. Area Senco was invited in to offer up some wisdom, but felt we were handling the situation well.

 

Do you think this family will back out now and not want the place you have tried so hard to put in set up? It would be unfair to be judged by what has happened - but understandable. My parents were very tolerant at the time - but they did know that we were trying very hard to sort things out.