Parents

[Guest]

There must have been a full moon or something this week; I've had a parent demanding an apology from a member of my staff, a parent trying to bring a child back early after having been sent home with sickness and diahorrea and then yesterday this little gem comes out.

 

It seems that when one mum collects her child she asks for milk to be put in his bottle, child is 2, for the short journey home. Girls have been doing this, unbeknownst to me, and it seems heating it in the microwave, but that is another issue. On Thursday I was told that the girls couldn't get out of the room to get the milk for the child at it would have put ratio's out, mum was demanding the milk (same day as the "attack" see an earlier post; I was out training) and seemingly no amount of "I cant get out of the room to get the milk" had any effect on her, eventually my staff member called through to another room and asked them to get the milk. When it came back it was cold and mum kicked off again.

 

I was told about this when I was briefly in work on Friday morning (off to yet another meeting) and I made a very quick decision that the child wasnt to have the milk; he gets his free amount throughout the day after all we dont send the other children off wth a packed lunch/tea to eat on the bus.

 

Well apparently when she was told this when she came to collect (not about the packed lunches just that he couldnt have his milk) she kicked off again demanded to see me but had to see my deputy instead (what a week she's had!), deputy told her she would get the milk but that she'd have to wait whilst it was heated up as she couldn't use the microwave. More ammo for mum; apparently she's very cross, will speak to me on Monday and will tell her friend who is due to start to not bother.

 

In retrospect perhaps I was harsh in saying she couldn't have the milk, however if my staff couldnt leave the room to get it then she shouldnt have kicked off!

 

And of course I have the issue of heating it up in the microwave to deal with too!!

 

Any advice, words of wisdom, help...................... gratefully received!!

 

I wonder if any of the local shops have any vacancies...............................!

[Guest]

i don't think you or your staff should be put in a position where the safety of all of the children is compromised not to mention the warming of the milk!!, what is her reason for the milk has she got a long journey and wants little one asleep before she gets home? is mum going through a bad time? it sounds from what info you have given reading between the lines that mum may be using the situation to get her voice heard and it might be just the tip of the iceburg in her life, do you know the family background at all? i'm not trying to excuse her because believe me i've got some corkers at the moment and all you want to do is shout at them but there is often a reason for their outbursts and usually nothing to do with our care of their children. hang on in there on monday when you have a chat with her and if you have got all your reasons why you dont think its appropirate then she will have to take these on board.

[Guest]

Ok since I posted I've thought of nothing else. At this present time my plan of action for Monday when I speak to mum is to point out (very tactfully and diplomatically) that actually we don't have a problem in giving the child the milk for the journey home as the girls have been doing it for some time, however when it was explained to her that the girls couldn't get out of the room to get the milk and it was explained to her why then perhaps a little more understanding on her part would have helped. From what I can gather this is the first time the girls haven't been able to get out of the room to get the milk. Though I think 2 of her issues are being told told she couldnt have the milk anymore (my knee jerk reaction, which with hindsight was wrong) and being told that the milk had previously been warmed in the microwave when it shouln't have been!

 

I am going to suggest a compromise; we will supply the milk but only if the girls can get out of the room to get it and that mum wll have to wait a few mins whilst it is heated up correctly and safely.

 

What do you think? I know I will be thinking about Monday all weekend now!!

 

Thanking you all in anticipation......................

[sunnyday]

Oh my goodness - what an awful week you have had

 

Please remember that this mum has absolutely nothing to be 'really cross' about........she wouldn't be getting milk warmed or otherwise for the journey home if her child attended my setting!

 

Obviously you cannot allow your rooms to be 'out of ratio'..........

 

Clearly it is difficult to stop giving her the milk now a precedent has been set........could she warm the milk herself........hmmm - I don't know your set up - that might be a really stupid suggestion!

 

Whatever......remember you are not being unreasonable - when she comes in on Monday - be 'all smiles', calm and let her to the talking.........I have found this usually takes the 'wind out of their sails' if they are hoping for some sort of big 'show down'.......

 

Good luck with it all, you are not alone, sure we have all had a parent 'gunning for us' at some time or another.......

 

Don't let it spoil your weekend!

[Deb]

Just want to reiterate what sunnyday has said. She wouldn't be getting warm milk in our setting unless Mum did it herself, which I don't think would be too much of a problem in our setting.

 

As the Manager, you have only just been made aware of this so you can make a decision regardless of whether a precedent has been set I think.

 

Can you allow the warming of the milk to be done within ratios without compomising the safety of the other children? Presumably staff have been using the microwave for speed because of the time pressures on them?

 

Could Mum warm the milk herself?

 

If you are able to provide the milk Mum needs to be aware that this is down to the staff wanting to go the extra mile and provide an additional service, and she needs to be understanding of the constraints on them.

 

I'm sure she will have calmed down by Monday, especially faced with your smiling, professional and caring attitude. Good luck.

[HappyMaz]

Blimey! This is a new one on me. Firstly, as sunnyday says, this parent wouldn't be getting milk for the journey home in my setting - unless of course I thought that the child's home circumstances made me think it was necessary. Our children get milk at snacktime, and if they don't have a drink in their lunchboxes they get water. I'm only a small group, but I take the view that if something is available to one child it should be available for all - and imagine if every child in the setting was getting milk to go home with?

 

If it were me I would tell the parent that from tomorrow the milk would not be available for her child to take home, and suggest that she brings a warm bottle with her for the child to have when she picks up. I would say that I was unaware of what has been happening in the past, but now that it has come to my attention I cannot allow it to continue for all the reasons you've outlined. I take the point debatwrittle makes about these issues being caused by other things, and not really the matter under discussion. This might be the time to talk to her about how things are at the moment - especially if an outburst like this is out of character. If there are genuine hardship circumstances here, then of course I would reconsider - but I wouldn't allow a parent to intimidate staff to get an 'extra' that wouldn't routinely be available to others.

 

If you decide to reach a compromise for this parent, then the offer of milk clearly has to be made available on the basis that the welfare requirements must be met at all times. You'd need to gain the parent's agreement that if the staff say it isn't possible today, then it really isn't possible. Perhaps when the parent realises that this is a service she can't rely on every day she might make her own arrangements.

 

I'm not sure how I'd feel about the parent using our facilities to heat up the milk either - at that time of day we're running around like mad things trying to pack away, but every setting is different and that might be possible in your setting. Once again, she'd need to be clear that using your facilities would be entirely at her own risk. I might even get her to sign a disclaimer to that effect just to cover yourself in the event of anything untoward happening.

 

Good luck - I'm sure your staff didn't envisage all this happening when they first did this favour for this parent. I'm sure this will make a very interesting debate amongst your staff team once it is all resolved.

 

Maz

[Guest]

Thank you all for your comments and words of support!

 

I think I will take the line that it has been a favour and that it has just come to my notice and explain why its been a favour and that we couldn't possibly do it for every child and that from now on in we would be stopping it for those reasons mentioned. As Maz says the girls are busy sorting out the end of the day and getting ready for the next day at that time. I wouldn't be entirely happy with her going into the kitchen and heating the milk up herself.

 

I'll smile politely and pleasantly in the hope that she does too!!!

 

I'll let you know how it goes...........!

[Panders]

I wonder why this bottle, which surely is some kind of comfort thing cannot wait until they get home, when it would be so much better if she could provide it with a cuddle and a story - are you full daycare - is he with you for a long time? Perhaps it is to keep him quiet on the bus home, or in the back of the car - keep him occupied!

 

Anyway, regardless of that your staff have tried to be helpful to this mum, and it is probably the mum that thinks this bottle is important at that time rather than the child, because as you say this is a short journey home.

 

Some gentle questioning to circumstances would be a good idea, but a more assertive push to explain just why doing this is no longer appropriate for the many reasons you have outlined.

 

One or two of our parents, we are sessional, have been heard to say to the most challenging children at 1.15, after they have stayed on for lunch club (I think this child is too from what you have said in a previous post) "you can have your bottle on the sofa when we get home, you know you like that," sometimes these children have been nearly 4 and I have been quite surprised in fact, because at pre-school, as I say, they have been the most challenging children behaviour wise, and being a little over confident shall we say. Then to find out that the parents are still "babying" them at that age with bottles of warm milk has been a complete eye-opener!

[Guest]

I would agree with Maz, no child would be getting milk on demand warm or not, at my nursery.When the paid session is over, then the responsability for the childrens drinks/snacks is down to the carer/parent but while the children are in my care then milk at snack time and water through out the session