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What Do I Do


hali
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Hi all,

 

We have a child with suspected ADHa at school, he is supposed to do 4 sessions per week but we are lucky if he comes in 2x.

 

his cousin also attends our setting.... the cousins mum approached my deputy today to basically say she had been dumped with said child and his siblings of 9, 12...... they were awake till midnight last night refusing to go to bed. She then went on to say that the mother leaves all the boys on thier own in the evenings and goes out drinking.. which is why sometimes he dosnt come in as she is in bed!!!!

 

Our H.V was in earlier and said that we had to get this mother to either talk to the mum directly or call social services!!!! (we are concerned as they are related what sort of problems this will cause)...

 

What would you do???????????????? :o

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We have never had a situation as serious as yours, but I have been involved in various other scenarios where you are not sure what to do for the best but know you must do something. Not to cast doubt upon the mother who told you of this, but how reliable is she? You could go full steam ahead and report the situation only to discover that it is not that bad after all.

 

However any children who are left on their own are potentially in danger and I think it is wise to put yourself in the safest position. If you report this, the matter will be dealt with confidentially, and if it comes to nothing then fine, but if there is something wrong at least you have brought it to someones attention. Imagine how you would feel if you said nothing and then something did happen to the children.

 

There have been many cases in the media over the last few years where children have come to harm and the schools and settings have been criticised for not picking up on this and reporting it.

 

I would personally not approach the other mother and make a big thing of the situation, especially asking her to talk to the parent in question. If she was willing to do this, or felt she could, I'm sure she would have already done it.

 

Your Area Child Protection Commitee should be able to help you and guide you through what to do next, I'm sure they will at least have some suggestions and it would also be good for you to talk it through with an experienced person.

 

Hope this helps

Claire :)

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Scarey situation Hali, but I would do as Claire suggests, inform ACPC and let them do their job. You cant really involved the other mother as even though it's family it's still confidential to the immediate family concerned, and anyway you dont want to cause family argument, especially f this other mother is somewhere for the children to go. I doubt the child has ADHA either, we' had a child with quite boistrous behaviour but his mom was rather like the one you have, neither us or another setting he now goes to have found anything that a bit of parental behviour management would sort! Good luck with this. :D

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Tricky one this Hali as the others have already said. I would though start keeping a diary and back date it to the time the other mum told you about the situation, and include the info she has given you. That way you will at least have started to put some evidence together of his absences and behaviour etc.

I feel, given your situation if it was me, I would contact the ACPC for some guidance and support.

Linda

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Agreed with others, this needs to be reported or passed on, it will only worry you if you do not take this further.

i have had to report to SServices before about children, always had lots of help and support in this area, they always say we can ring them and ask for advice annoymously first if we are worried and they will tell us if they feel we need to disclose more information if they are concerned with the content of your call.

As linda says, record conversations and action you took at the time also - we have a child protection record book for this,

 

Inge

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Oh poor you

 

I would definitely keep recorded notes of todays events/conversation and also contact your ACPC. All our children have a causes for concern file but thankfully most of them are not needed. They do build up a useful picture of an on going situation. It could be that it comes to nothing but it could also be valuable for any future social services investigations

 

 

Don't know that it's relevant but many years ago when I was a single mum I had social services knock on my door unannounced one evening just as I was putting the boys to bed.

 

They had received a phone call from someone who said that since my separation I had started leaving the boys alone at night and going out - they didnt know where but said i was going out in the car and if they came round they would see for themselves.

 

Well yes, the car was gone but I was well and truly in like I was every night!!! I lent my car to a friend who worked nights - simple really! but social services were very quick to follow up the info they had received.

 

Hugs and thoughts to you and let us know how it goes.

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Hali,

This is a tricky one alright! The mum maybe thinks it's ok to leave the 12year old in charge whilst she's out. The law is slightly fuzzy on this but this leaflet might be helpful. If you have a good relationship with the mum perhaps you could have a quiet word with her and show her the leaflet? Good luck! :)

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Thank goodness its Friday.. very large drink tonight............................. :(

 

Ok rang ACPC today and they said i had to tell mum that i had rung social services and made an allegation............

 

Spent all morning feeling absolutly sick waiting for midday, chair deputy and i approached mum only saying we had someone in to tell us allergations and it was our legal responsibility to report her. :o

 

Waited for her to explode......................................................... xD

 

She was as calm as anything just said oh ive had this all before it dosnt matter social services believe me......................... :(

 

Any how got loads of forms to fill in now!!!!!!! :(

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Hali, now you can have that large drink, relax and rest knowing that it has been or is being dealt with.....,

 

Amazing how people never react as you expect them to....

 

If as she says this has happened before, and the same 'allegations' are being made by different people this will build up into a series of events and may be investigated further....

 

 

Inge

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