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How Can One New Child Be So Disruptive?


Rufus
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Today I had a new child. He has S&L difficulties but to be honest, he understands enough to know what is right and wrong, and what 'no' means! I think he is very selective.

In the space of 20 minutes, he ran away from me twice and refused to come back, thinking it was highly amusing. Tried to pull the fire extinguisher off the wall, and when told to stop, smirked at me and carried on. I had to physically stop him and then he pushed me!

Would not sit where i asked him to and kept telling me it was his go to use the IWB.

I feel completely de-skilled by a 4 year old! How can that be?

He just looks at me and laughs without any repest for authority and parents say that this is the first they have ever heard of it.

I love my job, but sometimes I wish i did something else, rahter than having to rectify parents lack of discipline!

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Interestingly we have the opposite problem.

Recently got a 3 year old who is described by mother as "vicious" and the childminder as "spiteful" who has turned out to be pretty much an angel. Mind you it might not last.

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Hi Rufus.

Sorry to hear you've had a bad day - I had one yesterday!!!

 

You're not a failure, a challenging four year old can be just as demanding as a rebelious teenager and just as much of a problem.

 

Just give your self time to get to know the "little darling", and maybe you will find a way of coping with his demanding behaviour.

 

Tomorrow is another day and perhaps you will feel better tomorrow after a good nights sleep - I hope so. Remember, you are not on your own, it happens to all of us some time or other.

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Hi Rufus - hope you have a better day tomorrow!

 

Sounds like "testing the boundaries" behaviour. I childminded a little boy with S&L delay from age 2yrs to 4yrs, after he'd been excluded from Nursery for "aggressive behaviour" :o He'd been kept in Baby Room as he also had delayed walking and he was bored and frustrated. (I'm not suggesting this is the case with the child in your class!)

 

I wonder if the parents really haven't seen this before or whether they turn a blind eye as "he's got problems"?

 

Try not to feel defeated, take it one day (or hour!) at a time and maintain your FIRM BUT FAIR approach.

 

Nona

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Hope this doesn't sound like teaching your Grandmother to suck eggs, I'm sure these are all things you have tried/considered already, but for what it's worth here are things which I have found useful with various recalcitrant small people over the years....

Ignore as much of the negative behaviour as you can bear or is not directly causing harm to people or property - praise to the heavens every tiny bit of positive behaviour shown - not forgetting to praise the other children for exhibiting the desired behavoiur too!

Speak again with parents - they may or may not be telling truth about how he is at home but the fact remains he is difficult to cope with in school, whether they like it or not. You need to find out from them what systems they do use if he is problematic for them and as much as you possibly can about what makes him tick, what his interests, obsessions,phobias, etc are - knowledge is power :) Keep the commuication going and let him know you chat together, not in a threatening way but just so that he knows that you are all on the same team and hopefully some trust and continuity can develop from it.

Armed with knowing what he loves out of school, be it Fireman Sam or his dog use that to devise some devious and hopefully irresistable activities ideally to do with a v small group at a time, or even the two of you if he can't cope with that.Keep it short and positive, chat casually say what fun youre having and how much youd like to do this another time. Can take lots of perseverence but can be a winner and can gradually build up good relationship and no of others involved too.

On rewards and praise, they can be great and some children like the public acknowledgement but some are more comfortable with a hidden sticker book or secret gesture from you which lets them know they are doing well - works well at times like assembly or mat time.

Try to anticipate potential flashpoints as much as possible and have a tactic in place to avoid,distract, encourage or insist if required. eg.a special mat to sit on at carpet time and a sand timer of maybe 2 minutes to hold can be very effective as long as he knows he can move once the sand is thro - and remember the praise!

In a rare couple of cases, with children who I had persevered with for some time I have just been very matter of fact with them and explained in a preety adult way that school is not home, the grown ups are here to look after you and help you learn but that at the end of the day we are in charge not the child; that I would like to be friends and do fun things with them but that when they did 'X' it made it hard for that to happen. For both of them it seemed like a totally new concept. It didn't completely solve the issues with either of them but did make a big difference and it gave them some boundaries which I'm not sure they had ever come across before.

Above all stay positive and try to find something in him to love :) the most challenging of children can be the ones you are most heartbroken to lose at the end of the year - it is not easy and you will have triumphs and disasters on the way but I really,really hope you start to see some change for the good soon :) Love and Good Luck X

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You have my sympathies, I have 3 this year like your new child and two of them have the most enormous, aggressive and noisy tantrums whenever they don't get what they want. Luckily one is leaving on Friday. If the behaviour continues talk to your senco you may be able to get extra county funding for 1:1 through first funding ... I've just completed the paper !!

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funding wot funding we can get nothing for 1;1. glad it was not just me who had a bad day. negotiating with 3 yr old all day. went round room saying he was angry throwing chairs everywhere. tried to get him to tell us why he was angry did not know. in the afternoon he was lovely. dad then complained that his book always seemed to have negative comments in them. we try to write positive aswell really hard when child be so disruptive. dont write everything down or it would be an essay. He did not want to join in with circle time which was fine went over to playdough table. not happy to play had to keep banging rolling pin on table.

 

wishing we had cctv so parents can really see what they are like.

 

suppose to be doing degree this morning but need to chill out a bit first.

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Today was better, thanks goodness, however it couldn't really get much worse.

I am ignoring all bad behaviour and disciplining him by making him stand/sit with me - holding his hand firmly. I am not giving him any attention when he does bad things, not even saying his name, eye contact or telling him why he is standing by me.

Going all out on the praise for good things - doesn't make an impression on him yet though.

He is definitely a very complex little boy. After 2 days and a thorough observation I would say he is definitely somewhere on the spectrum.

Thanks for advice and support folks.

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If you have spectrum suspicions get onto your SENCO asap - there is a lot of help available out there and it sounds as tho he and you both need all the support you can get - hope it improves form here on in. x

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ooh sorry to hear you are all having a bad day - just like to remind you that it was coming up to a full and as I have said here before full moons do bring out the worst in people and in particular little people - we also had very high winds today so something has been brewing up. Call me barking but there is a pattern. So think about how it might have been something outside his and your control and you may go in feeling happier and you just never know Monday might just be a completely different day... but watch out for the next full moon ..... Monday 2nd November - although in my experience people behave strangely a couple of days before this.....

Nikki

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