Guilty

[Guest]

Hi everyone, Can i ask if anyone else goes on a massive guilt trip when they are ill at home and not in class? I have just come out of hospital after being admitted for abdominal pain and when I returned to the doctors she said I would go back to work when I was ready and that she wanted to see me in 2 weeks!!!

Help - I`m missing Nativity, Christmas cards, Calendars and the rest and i also have a head who is never off in term time. Please cheer me up Yours Patiently Gwen - I still do have a little sense of humour!

[Lorna]

I know how you feel Gwen.

I was sent home by my head and deputy yesterday as I has a raging headache and earache and couldn't stand without the room spinning.

I am feeling a bit better today- still off sick though.

I find it hard to take time off- hence why I went in yesterday.

 

I don't know why we are like that maybe just too dedicated to our jobs

 

 

Hope that you feel better soon Gwen- you will be able to watch all the day time telly- everyone seems to be on about "I'm a celebrity......"

Take it easy and take off as long as you need to feel better.

 

 

L

Edited November 25, 2004 by Lorna

[Gezabel]

Snap Gwen! I was rushed to hospital a few years ago with abdominal pain and was kept there for a week. The only thing that made me feel better was that my admission was on a friday evening and the following week was half term!! I was discharged the day before term started but was no way well enough to return to work. It was the Ocotber half term and the school were into Christmas planning etc etc etc and i was on the biggest guilt trip ever. I was under consultants orders not to return to work, absolutely no lifting (not easy in a nursery!) but eventually decided my guilt was hampering my recovery so I went back. I managed three days and was rushed back to hospital again! I ended up resigning, simply because I couldn't handle not being there! It took me until the following February to be fully fit. With hindsight I was stupid to ignore medical advice and go back too soon.

 

I know exactly how you feel about missing all the Christmas things but the reality is your health is more important - soo pamper youself - try and get rid of the guilt- and go back when you know you are ready.

 

In the meantime hugs from me and get well soon

[Guest]

Thanks Geraldine - the last thing I want is to go back and then be off again. I need to take care of myself and see how I feel in 2 weeks when I go back to the doctors.

[Sue R]

Hi there,

 

Can really sympathise with this one, I've had two periods of extended sick leave this year, April to June and now all this month. This period is directly related to the first, so when I go back, on 7th December, I'm going to really pace myself. Thabk goodness I'm part-time!!

 

Hugs all round, try not to feel too bad about it, or yes, it will ultimately hamper your recovery!!

 

Sue

[hali]

hi

i think we can all sympathise with that one i hacve to be dying to stay at home (hubby really cannot understand it), but i hate not being at work to make sure all is well (i think they cannot cope without me which of course is complete rubbish)

[Sue R]

you'n me both!!

 

 

Sue

[mundia]

I can fully sympathise Gwen, having been under the weather and off work for a while.

I also feel guilty when Im not well enough to be at work, but you have to put your health first.

 

so you will just have to put your feet up for two weeks and spend loads of the time here instead!! (but only if you are well enough of course)

[Guest Sycamore]

I have this theory we feel guilty because we are all the same sort of people. We are all in education because we are caring individuals and of course we would care if we felt we were letting anyone else down. However sometimes we need to think about us and how we are letting ourselves down if we don't take time for us! The children are ok, the staff cope (we do when others are off) and you need to get well soon.

Take lots of care.

x

[Beau]

If you're feeling guilty then think about the fact that you will be able to spend time doing all those things you'd wanted to but never had the time for. And as Mundia says - you get to hang out here more too!

[Rea]

Dont let the fact that your head is never off make you feel guilty, if your sick then thats all there is to it. I wouldnt want my childrens teachers going in sick and spreading germs or not being able to function properly. Sit back and get to know how awful day time tele is, and then think about all those house bound people who are stuck with it.

[Susan]

Gwen, so sorry to hear you are unwell. I too know the guilt that that can bring but I also know from bitter experience that it does not always do to soldier on and DO NOT, however, tempting it is go back to work before you are 100% fit to do so.

It is a sad fact that we get no thanks for struggling on and if you are really unlucky you could find yourself being penalised for another sick period.

 

Unfortunately we all get sick and we must take care to return ourselves to good health, we may only get one chance of that so do take your doctors advice. Finish your Christmas shopping when the shops are quieter if you are well enough to go out and anything else that you might have left til the end of term. Hopefully you can return before term ends when all the hard work is done and enjoy!

 

Lorna, hope you too will feel better soon!

 

Im still trying to work out if the guilt trip is an occupational hazard or a female thing as my husband just does not relate to those emotions whatsoever, although he does take sick leave either unless absolutely on his last legs!

[catma]

Hope you feel better soon, but remember ....... If you're sick, you're sick. I was off for 7 months, missed a july OFSTED and an entire Autumn term and really didn't feel guilty. did lots of things to make myself better and had a sabbatiical. So enjoy your rest, do luxury things and get better. When you are fit you'll be ready for the stresses and strains of school.

[hali]

to miss Ofsted hey!!!!!!....only joking promise, quite agree Catma

[Helen]

I was on maternity leave when my school had the first Ofsted, and again for the next one! My job-share partner clearly thought it was deliberate

There was also something called "slapped cheek syndrome" going round our school, and the local GP said it was dangerous for women in their second trimester to come into contact with it, so I had three months off in the middle of the pregnancy! Boy, did I feel guilty; off sick and not sick at all. I missed all the Christmas plays etc, and as I was the music coordinator, I felt doubly guilty

[Susan]

Nasty virus that though Helen!

 

I had several weeks off in early pregnancy and I think I felt too sick to feel guilty then! If I remember correctly I spent most of the time sleeping and I missed my Grandmother's 80th Birthday, which upset me greatly.

[Rea]

Our newly written contracts state we can have 10 days sick a year, I wish!! House looks like council tip!!

[Beau]

Rea,

 

That good - tell me how you do it! I would love to get mine up to council tip status.

[catma]

Our LEA/school sickness policy said we were "allowed" up to 10 days off in any rolling 12 months ( I think I had 125, although only in 2 periods of sickness.!!!!) After that the head would usually have interviews with you and possibly refer to occupational health.You could still be off, but it would trigger the next stage of the policy which involved more monitoring of your absence/s. I went to OH and they were wonderful, with their help I got my 4 day week, which I don't think was the outcome my HT wanted really but she couldn't argue with a Consultant and an OH report!!!! I was very anxious I have to admit (though still not guilty) when I changed boroughs this year and needed medical clearance and had to declare how many days off I had had in the previous 2 years!! Although my entire condition had been charted by OH and I knew I was fit and well I was very worried they would say no because of the absence, but all was fine.

 

 

Is this an apocryphal myth or are there companies where the employees take their "sick leave"if they haven't been sick, because it's there?? I'm sure a friend of mine who's a legal secretary to an american law firm said her lawyers did.

[Guest]

Thanks for everyone`s replies. I now need to stop the staff giving me feed back everyday about the problems that they are having. I just couldn

[Guest]

Sorry I will continue - I just couldn`t sleeo the other night as everything eas going round in my head and I just feel I am at home to get better and not to advise or sort out every situation.

[mundia]

Gwen your colleagues shouldnt be contacting you in this way. My Head told the entire staff they were not under any circumstances to make contact with me over work issues. I know that is diificult when they want to just see how you are, but my Head said she could not get in touch herself as this would consitutue harrassemenet.

So take your rest, dont answer the phone and get well.

 

Catma thats the one things that bothers me...how will I ever get another job? (should want one of course?) They alwasys ask for number of days absence dont they, and would I have to inculde the summer holiday whe my illness began before it and continued after it? The numbers dont sound so bad without the 6 weeks added.

[catma]

Gwen, Mundia is right...do not get involved with the trivia of work. Tell yourself the school will run fine without you. if it can't then that is a problem to sort out when you are WELL!!! Prehaps this is an opportunity for someone to try out a bit of management or leadership in your absence!!! Noone should feel indispensible, that makes you feel guilty for sure.

 

Mundia, you're right it is very alarming. I was very worried and I don't think I did count holiday weeks in my grand total of days. The record my head sent as part of my reference looked worse as we used the same registraton system for staff records as the children so it counted mornings and afternoons as 2 sessions so I realised I could half the horrid number to get total days. It also therefore included days I had been paid but had been off work when I was doing my retrn to work period because of the coding that got used so i got rid of some there too. However, it was all accounted for with certificates and I had OH reports that i also included with the health questionnaire. I don't know if they bothered with them but it made me feel more secure. I didn't feel i had fully got the job until I had the clearance though.