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Doom And Gloom


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Morning!

Firstly I must apologise for talking about this on the last day of term but unfortunately it can't be helped.

 

Last night I had parents evening where a mum spoke about her little girl in my class Emma who worries about everything, this is apparant in school with her worrying about going to assembly, performing and she gets very nervous about blood. Her mum asked how we could overcome this because she is even waking up in the night crying because she is so worried about anything and everything.

 

Now mum has just found out that her grandad has cancer and is not going to last long unfortunately. Grandad is Emma's best friend and mum does not know how to approach this with her. They are not religious and have asked that we don't go down the route of heaven etc with her. So any ideas?

 

Thanks all

Rachel

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Cannot help with the 'worry' issue..

 

we did have one child who really worried about changes and we made her a book about everything we did using pictures of her and other children for her to have and take home.. visual timetable helped here too..

 

And I don't blame her about being nervous about performing or standing out from others..that can last for years, I always think of what it must feel like to walk into a room where you know no one, and nothing about the setting and then expected to talk about it to everyone!

 

 

Found these two previous threads which cover this a little...

 

Books on bereavement

 

Bereavement

 

I know I found a website for help with this when we had a child whose younger sister died but cannot seem to find it, will keep searching as it helped both family and other siblings

 

Inge

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Bless her! There is a Bachs Flower Remedy for children who are worriers but I can't remember which one it is :o

 

It was recommended for my daughter who was a real worrier when she was younger and it really did help. A few drops in each drink she had and a noticeable difference within a couple of weeks.

 

Maybe Mum could ask in the local Health Shop?

 

Nona

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A recommended book (very child friendly, with no focus on death - but addressing the 'worries' thing) is 'A Huge Bag of Worries' - sorry don't know the author, but it should be easy to find on Amazon.

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I am going through the topic of death at the moment with my daughter. I don't know where it has come from or why the sudden interest as nobody in our family has recently died, nor, as far as I am aware has she heard of anyone else dying.

 

I was thrown at first because I felt that at 4, she was too young to know about it but to be honest, the questions were coming thick and fast and because we live very near to a cemetary, I have tried to be as honest as possible about the whole thing. Easier said than done when it is your own children though, I know.

 

Right in the midst of her questions, my aunt's cat was run over. My daughter loved this cat so I had the job of explaining to her what had happened so turned it into a story about how the cat was out playing with her friends and didn't stop and wait for the green man at the crossing and she got hurt. My daughter asked me if the cat had gone to heaven and I was a bit surprised, because up until this point, I had never mentioned heaven. I think it is just curiosity. So I said, that yes, the cat had gone to heaven because it is a nice place to go when you don't live on the earth anymore. This sparked more questions from her but I think I have managed to feed her curiosity enough without frightening her. One thing I was careful not to do was to tell her that when you died, it is just like going to sleep for ever. I didn't want her to then be fretful at bedtime, fearing she wouldn't wake up.

 

There have been some good suggestions already here, so I'm going to have a look myself, but in the meantime, hope you manage to get it sorted.

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One of the saddest and in a way worrying thing I have every heard from a child aged 4 was, saying she

"missed her cat so much that she was going to get run over too -just so that she could cuddle her cat again."

 

this really made me reflect on what we say to children about death,

 

xx

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I know in our area Macmillan have organised bereavement counselling specifically aimed at young children. If you contact the national office they may be able to advise if they offer this in our area. I have spoken to one of the people who run it locally for personal reasons and felt it could be very helpful and beneficial, but unfortunately my daughter was just reaching the "awkward pre-teen, didn't want to talk about it stage" do we never pursued it further.

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We had a little boy at the setting where I worked whose twin brother died when he was small. The little boy told me his brother was a star and talking to mum she explained it is an eskimo tradition that when someone dies a new star is created.

 

I thought this was a rather lovely idea and quite like the idea of being a star when my time comes.

 

Sue

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Hi have you considered a referral as her worrying seems to go deep. Perhaps H/V could do a referral. I had to go down this route with my daughter who as a real worrier. She had some short counselling sessions and they just seemed to ask the right questions. There was no real outcome and nothing underpinning her worry this was just how she was and we learnt to deal with situations as they arose. We tried rescue remedy and i felt for her it was more psychological then any thing else. this phase lasted about a year and she is now a different young girl, we just had to ride it out and be as supportive and strong.

 

We have also experienced death through cancer. I have to say the hospice was great. The day we visited, with the children, we were told that there was nothing more that could be done and things happened really quickly. They had a councillor there who offered to talk to my daughter, who knew that grandad was struggling and going to die and again didn't have all the answers but as we were all finding it traumatic she was able to support my daughter and her many question and grief. We were able to all sit toghther with her and cry and shout and she supported us. She gave her some books to take away and offered support afterwards if needed. Not to sure if they do not want to use heaven, we did and this helped to understand that although the people we love are no longer with us as they were so poorly they are in a lovely place up above watching and smiling down at us. We often look up and share our news with them and at night look for stars and think about what they are doing, This is our way of coping and dealing with it. However we are all different.

 

All the best x

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The last post just reminded me about a book I have recommended before which might be useful for the parents and you too perhaps. I was on a trial with the author and the book is very much what the trial covered, although the title might be off putting to some parents the content is extremely easy to read and practical.

 

The book is "how to deal with an anxious or depressed child" by Sam Cartwright Hatton and was available on Amazon.

 

I used the techniques with my own daughter (different one to the one mentioned above) and have seen a real positive change in her.

HTH

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