Guest Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 just wanted a moan coz ive had a bad day. i usually open the nursery for 7.30 and am on reception until the receptionist comes in at 8, nursery opnes for early drop off at 7.30 and fully at 8 so pretty much should be in my unit (2 rooms 10 staff) by 8 o clock in order to deploy staff and get room sorted for day. it gets to 8.15 and im still on reception, i ring to deputy to ask if receptionist had contacted her personnaly to say she would be late or off ( which receptionist had done in the past) as i do this the receptionist strolls in (doesnt even say sorry for being late or acknowlegde the fact) asks why i was just on phone to deputy, i say well just needed to know were u were coz i need to get down to my room, she replies well ur not out of ratio are u theres hardly any children now, then she starts going off on one shouting im sick of seeing your miserable face every morning im not taking this of a young 20n odd year old girl, u walk round the nursery as if youve got the weight of the world on your shoulder, you have no empathy for others and no i dont like you, and saying are you never late!! where the hell did that come from i hadnt even questioned her about her lateness and if i had of i would have been well in my right to she was 15 mins late. all totally came out of nowhere so i speak to deputy who then speaks to her, she comes back to me and goes off on one again to which i just said i dont appreciate the way your speaking to me so im not even listening. tell deputy again who then spoke to recep then said that recep said she would apologise to me. meanwhile i have quite alot of personal issues relating to my partners mental health which i usually leave at home and can just get on with things at work but this incident mixed up my emotions and ive pretty much been in tears on and off allday as well as being full of a cold. so maybe yeah i did look at bit miserable this morn, and yeah sometimes i do have the weight of the world on my shoulders coz of the issues at home but what reason does someone have to personally attack another person. yes she may have problems of her own and i was in the wrong place at wrong time and her emotions got the better of her but no matter how bad things are at home i would never speak to someone the way she spoke to me. its not even what she was saying it was how she was speaking, just completely out of order. anyway i didnt get an apology and was told by management that i had to sort out the conflict, i couldnt today cpoz i was just too upset, but im sort of like well why should i when it was her that has caused the problem, but then coz of my posiition i have to be professional and do it!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shazzam Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 moan to us as much as you like!! some people are ignorant, try not to let them get you down x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belle06 Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I am so sorry to hear of your problems hopefully things will impove tommorrow would the management arrange for you and the receptionist to get together and clear the air in a neutral space with someone else present it could be that she was having a bad day and that is why she was late and unfortunately you took the brunt off it and things have been blown out of proportion. It is suprising how getting together and saying how hurt you felt by the way she spoke to you and having a chance to talk together could resolve the conflict. Hope everything works out for you but I do feel you need the support of your management team to sort out the issues and do not really agree with you been told you had to sort out the conflict. GOOD LUCK let us know how things go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 weve had loads of conflict training so i suspect my manager feels i could deal witht he issue myself, which professionally i could but as the attack was pretty personal and she was in the wrong the person in me (not the rational conflict resolving leader in me) is thinking why should i make the first move. i appreciate she may have been having a bad day but that gives her no right to speak to me that way. anywya will approach her tommorrow n ask if she would like to resovle it n take it from there. thanks for replying x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreamay Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Big virtual hug from me andrea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 If you hadn't have mentioned the lateness, then it would have been saying that it's ok to be late - especially as she didn't phone in advance or apologise when she arrived at work late. What awful behaviour - poor you. I hope she did not speak in that manner in front of any of the children. I would certainly expect management to deal with this - not to leave you both to sort out the conflict without any intervention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 if it had been two nursery nurses then u would as a leader/manager step in and lead the conflict resolution so i agree that the manager or deputy should at least start the resolution however manager just said im senior enough to deal with this myself. she didnt do it infront of anyone but in corridor where parents could have walked past at any minute!!! RUDE!!!! and excatly about the point of lateness, while i didnt say why are you late, i would have at soem point if she hadnt decided to attack me,and as i said im well in my right to question lateness, its not one rule for one and antoher rule for her strolling in 15 mins late! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiny Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 It is upsetting when someone personally attacks you. I'm not surprised you have been crying on and off today. Good luck for tomorrow. Hope it all turns out ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belle06 Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Within this position as a manager if you made an official complaint I would be looking at a disciplinary hearing this is verging on Gross Misconduct and at the least is verbal assault this behaviour would not be or I would hope not be tolerated from a parent so why should she be allowed to get away with it to another staff member. Have you made your complaint official or at the moment are you happy to keep it as at an informal stage if it is an official complaint the management have no choice but to investigate and get involved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 What a horrible situation, I really hope tomorrow is a better day and that you feel supported in solving the issues. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Oh I do feel for you northernbird - its sounds like a pretty personal attack to me. These things can easily tip you over the edge - I think we're all pretty good and dealing with whatever strains and stresses that are placed on us. However when something like this happens completely out of the blue it can be hard to deal with because it catches you on the back foot. I hope you can resolve this because it can't be a nice working environment right now. I also hope that you get some support - especially if the other person is unwilling to engage with you to resolve the conflict. Is there anyone else who can mediate? I wonder what else is going on in her life that she reacted so badly - perhaps she was embarrassed to be 'caught out' like that. No need to be so mean though - there's no excuse for bad behaviour. Hope tomorrow is a better day. Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Aaaaaw, what an awful situation to be in, the trouble is that it keeps going over in your mind and you try to rationalise it all .... try to rest your mind from it and I hope you have a better day tomorrow, take care Faz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I think even if you have had conflict training, it's not easy to resolve a situation like that with one person approaching the other - it's far more likely to be effective if you have a third person as an intermediary who can make sure that both sides are being reasonable. I'd ask your management to do this - it's bound to be in their interests as they won't (shouldn't) want two staff unable to work with each other. Good luck - it can be very uncomfortable working with that hostility hanging over you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Poor you. We all have bad days and sometimes it can be hard to leave problems at home but the receptionist was out of order. She was late and instead of acknowledging this she flew at you with a horrible personal attack. I do think your management should give you both support to resolve this and are being a bit unfair expecting you to deal with it yourself. An incident like this can knock your self-esteem badly. No wonder you were so upset. Hope this gets resolved and you have a better day today. Sally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wolfie Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Sound words of wisdom from Steve there - here's hoping that you get the conflict resolved and have a better day today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 she wasnr even in today,annual leave, annoying as i has worked myself up to approach herm will have to wait til tomorow now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Sorry to hear about your bad day, I hope it gets better tomorrow when she is back in. Try not to let it get to you, Salsa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 You really shouldnt have to deal with this, you have a line manager who should step in when its this personal. Hope tomorrow goes well. Remember to take notes and get her to sign it, if she is so against you it would be best to be covered. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alison Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 oh dear you dont need that kind of confrontation at the start of the day I hope things go better for you tomorrow this reminds me of a problem I had a few years ago with a memeber of staff who was regualrly late and would get very shirty when her lateness was challenged. if you feel that talking the matter through will resolve it and that she wont do it again then great, its horrible working in a bad atmosphere and making complaints can make situations worse. BUT if you suspect next time she's upset she might speak to you like this again (or any of your colleagues) then I would suggest you put something in writing for your manager, this doesnt have to be a formal complaint if you feel that would be too much but maybe as an incient report of unacceptable behaviour (similar to what you would do for the children) at least then if this happens again you line manager has something to back up any kind of disaplinary action for future. hope you get the support you need from your line manager and the problem is resolved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Poor you, good advice already. Could the deputy sit in on your discussion if your line manager will not, definitely think 3rd person should be there. Have a better day tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 thanks everyone for your support we had a pretty informal chat today and firstly she admitted she was completely out of order for they way she spoke to me and apologised completely, but then went onto say she was not sorry for what she said. i challenged this and said i think you should be careful of what you say to people especially when it relates to how they may be feeling, i dont have to explain to you why i may be miserable and i am miserable for a reason. she said we all have problems and i said yes we all might but people deal with problems in different ways n my way is obvioisly coming out as me being miserable. anyway we agreed to get along for the sake of we need to communicate but agreed that we dont necessarily agree on other things. but i think this incident has defo opened up the floodgates if u like and i think that i habve realised i need to discuss my problems with a professional, am feeling quite depresed and think have been keeping it in for too long and this has brought it to the surface!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Sorry things have been a bit rough for you but glad things seem to be improving. I had someone take out their bad temper on me the other day and was very surprised to receive a written apology from them today! There is nowt so queer as folk as the saying goes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 If this has helped you to see that you might be in need of some TLC, then some good has come from it. Yes, we do all deal differently with problems we face, but that doesnt mean we can judge other people. Dealing with stressful moments in our lives can be very lonely, especially when the person we would normally turn to is the one we are worried about. (I'm presuming that your husbands health problems are at least part of this) and we dont want to share the problems for fear of upsetting others. Getting help for you will in the long run help everyone. Its very brave of you to see that professional help could be your answer, its a big step to take. Keep using us as a place to have a moan or even better, a sharing, if that helps, you know we'll support you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Keep using us as a place to have a moan or even better, a sharing, if that helps, you know we'll support you. Quite so! Deciding to seek professional help is the first step of a difficult journey - especially as all the stuff you've been keeping hidden will need to be aired and shared if you are to deal with it and be able to move on. I hope you soon begin to feel more optimistic and that you feel the load lifting as you begin to unburden yourself. Take care, Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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