I Lost A Child Today

[Guest]

Need to get this off my chest. When my chn were brought into class after playtime this morning the teacher on duty said a boy from my class had been stood at one of the school gates on the way into the class and he'd actually gone out at one point. This was completely out of character for this child so I had a quick word (was rushing to start my phonics) and thought no more of it. Phonics is in ability groups across 3 classes so this child went to his group as normal. At 11.15 after phonics it was child initiated play (large open plan area between two classes with free flow outdoor. At 11.40 as we were beginning to tidy up we got a phone call from this child's mother. He'd just turned up on her doorstep with a stranger who had found him on route to his house and walked with him.

 

Can't quite describe how I felt, was absolutely mortified. Can't stop thinking about what could have happened. As it happens mother was very understanding and brought the child back to school. I know if it had been my child I would have extremely upset and would certainly not have taken him back straight away. In the other class the toilets have a door inside them that leads directly outside. This door is used by parents in the morning and at home time and by child when going out for dinner. Although this door was locked chn are able to open this and the outside gates had not been locked by site manager.

 

Looking back I should have taken the time to deal with the child properly after the first incident as it doesnt' bear thinking about if something terrible had happened - am not sure I'd be able to live with myself. Feel really nervous about being back in class tomorrow - had PPA this afternoon so didn't have to face it. Am not quite sure how I'm going to manage it - I can't watch children when they are in the toilet and I can't watch all 30 of my children in such a large area all at one time. What am I going to do?

Edited March 12, 2008 by Guest

[hali]

oh my goodness how awful for you you just have accept child is ok and not even think about the consequences. It was not your fault!

 

If the doors are meant to be locked in the mornings why did the site manager not do it???

 

Also is there a second person around that can ckeck the doors are locked for you to ease your mind???

 

Is there also a reason this child is trying to leave the school - child dont usually if they are happy???

 

try not to worry too much and sleep well. xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest]

I feel for you. I know my little boy was in school once and managed to open a fire door and run over to me, on school grounds, to the pre-school building. It distressed me greatly as when I returned him they hadn't noticed he had been missing for over 5 mins.

 

Have you got a handy man who could put a high bolt on the top of the door? You are going to be constantly worried about this hazard now so try and action it straight away. What does the Head/Manager say?

[HappyMaz]

Oh Ariel how awful for you. Presumably you will now be having a thorough review to see how this can be prevented in future, and what additional measures your school will need to take to keep children safely on site.

 

Do you have enough support? - it sounds to me as if you don't because you say you're worried about not being able to watch all of your 30 children.

 

Take responsibility where it is appropriate, but don't be too hard on yourself: if the school was properly secured this child wouldn't have been able to 'escape'. Enlist support to ensure that any gaps in security are plugged and try not to dwell on what might have happened too much.

 

This is difficult to do, I know: but the child is safe, the parent is understanding and so now the focus must be on learning what went wrong and taking action to ensure things change.

 

The fact that you are so worried about what has happened shows that you are a caring, committed teacher. Don't dwell on what an awful day you've had - that way madness lies!

 

Try to get a good night's sleep and come back tomorrow and tell us all about it!

 

Maz

[Guest]

Oh dear.My heart goes out to you.In 28 years I've know this happen twice so others have been through this.Once a door was openned and two children told a child we don't like you go home so he left!! second time a child went to the out of line of vision toilet pushed on a fire door which obviously openned-they didn't know what to do when they were outside a door they didn't expect to open so set off home.I can fully understand how you feel.Your stomach will be flipping everytime you think of what happened and could have happened.

Don't take it too much to heart when things are evaluated and assessed.There does need to be an investigation and changes do need to be made and it doesn't sound as if its just down to you.The site manager needs to realise the implications of them not doing their job correctly.Be prepared that the parent may feel differently when they think about things and when other family members chip in.They need to know procedures etc have been accessed and reviewed and their chld will be doubly watched.

 

My personal advice is you need a good nights sleep to look at this refreshed in the morning.I know that seems hard to do when your mind is churning so I suggest to paracetmols (sp?) and a cuddle from someone close

 

The main thing I do constantly from experience is count!!

[Inge]

as said.. feel for you.

 

you say it is locked but the children can still open it from inside, so perhaps a alarm on it could work.

 

We found that when we had a new fire door fitted it is so easy to open that you only have to knock it as you walk past, our children find it so easy..

so we put a contact alarm on the door so every time it is opened there is either a constant sound or bell which can be heard by everyone.

 

It can be turned off if we need to when we have constant comings and goings. In fact all our doors to the outside have them now.

 

Inge

[Guest]

Oh my goodness, you poor thing,

personally I'd use this as a prime example of why you need extra help and cannot be expected to manage 30 children by yourself. They will always find money or volunteers to help out - there may be a parents who wants to train up in your line of work and needs to volunteer so they can access a course?!

 

Please sleep well- you need to gain from this expreience and talk to the powers that be! Good luck x x

[Lou]

I would do the same as Inge. We have a fire door at the front of the building and our door alarm is linked to the electricity. The alarm Inge is talking about are quite reasonably priced. You can then tell the parents you have risk assessed and found this to be a solution.

It does seem like the basic security of locking the gates was not followed through. Could you ask for someone extra until the door is alarmed?

I do feel for you as I know you will worry but you have found a problem and are thinking of ways to prevent it happening again.

[Beau]

As the others have said, just use this as a valuable lesson and thank your lucky stars that nothing untoward happened on this occasion. However, you now have a chance to review your buildings and general procedures to ensure that this can't happen again. This time round no harm was done but it would be folly to assume that all would be well a second time. Also, don't place the blame squarely on your own shoulders - there are many involved in the running of a school and everyone has to take some responsibility.

[Guest MaryEMac]

Ariel, how awful for you. Already there has been some good advice. Just wanted you to know that we are here for you. As said before, try and get some sleep but I know that you will probably be going over it again and again. Let us know how everything goes tomorrow.

 

Mary

[Deb]

Feel for you, this must have been a dreadful shock, and thank goodness the child was unharmed. Try not to beat yourself up about not giving the children more time when he came in, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

 

Presumably had the site manager locked the gate, he wouldn't have been able to get out of the grounds at least. Perhaps the teacher on duty outside should have dealt with the fact that the child had been able to get out of the gate, ie it wasn't locked when presumably it should have been and made sure somebody was aware of this and take the necessary action.

 

In our primary school, in whose grounds our setting operates, the reception children have free flow in and out and if a child wanted to all they have to do is open the gate to the enclosed play area, then across the playground, through the unlocked school gate. Mind you I dare say another child would tell on them straightaway. I have walked past and they have been momentarily unsupervised by the teacher or the TA.

 

I believe you can have locks put up higher on doors, that can be opened by an adult without a key incase of emergency but is out of reach of children.

 

I do hope you are feeling a little better today.

[Guest]

I definately feel for you Ariel. When I was in Year 2 a boy from my class scaled the 6ft wire fence and legged it home one lunch time to see his dad- with most of the dinner ladies and head teacher on his tail (although disapointingly they unlocked the gate first- I'd have loved to see them climb the fence like he did!!!) I know what you mean about being nervous and watching them all the time. I was constately counting children checking where the boy was- I had to stop about 10 times on the way to assembly to check he was still there- it was awful! It did feature as his best memory when when he left the school in the summer- he read a poem about it in front of the entire school and parents at the leaving assemebly- at that point I wanted the ground to swallow me up! Hopefully in the future you will be able to look back at it and laugh! Please don't worry yourself too much over it. At the end of the day if the child is that detemined to leave school for what ever reason they will find a way- we had a 6ft fence, locked gates and high level of supervision but he still managed to run away!

I'd echo what others have said about reviewing procedures etc.

I hope you have a really good day tomorrow. xx

[Guest]

Just wanted to echo what others have already said, keep talking and getting yourself through this, I really feel for you, time will do it's stuff and you will be able to feel ok about this situation.

[Shiny]

Excellent advise already given, just wanted to say I am thinking of you.

[Guest]

Don't feel to bad, we can't do everything, even though we try, as others have said take it as an oppotunity to reveiw practise and make changes. Don't dwell on what might have happened and don't blame yourself, there is always a number of things that happen in the build-up and you are not in control of all of them. After all, if gates were properly secured then the incident probably would not have occured. The contact alarms are a good idea, my sister-in-law has them on her front door (3 under the age of 6) and they are great.

 

Sal

[Rea]

How worrying for you, but like others have said, you werent alone in the events which lead up to the child walking out of the gate so dont take it all on your shoulders.

I hope today was good for you. I had a 3 year old walk out of playgroup on his own years ago when parents were collecting their children, he'd walked past other staff and evaded nan, but as leader, I still felt totally to blame so I understand how you feel. It was only when we heard nan calling his name that I looked out and saw him standing in the car park. I had to phone mom and explain and I felt like crawling into a hole. She was great and even helped us to review the whole collecting process in a very objective way. All of the other staff wanted to talk about the part they'd played in him being able to escape, and I hope your school are being as supportive.

And it goes to show there are good people out there, as with the stranger who walked him home, when all we ever hear is bad stories.

[luluj]

Ariel-it seems this has happened to a good many of us in different ways and I will add my name to the count. When coping alone we cannot have our eyes everywhere and even with support sometimes things happen! A child once went through the gate on the first few days of school and was found wandering around by his older sister. Had I seen him? No! I worried myself to a frazzle thinking of the implications of what could have happened however what it did do was to make me more self-aware for the next day. Please don't beat yourself up about this. This is not your fault and your management team need to adress the many excellent practical ideas that have been suggested.Thinking of you. luluj

[SazzJ]

Thinking of you

 

I too have been there

[Guest]

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has posted with words of support. I didn't sleep very well on Wednesday night and was dreading the children coming in on Thursday morning. Mum brought the boy in and was very relaxed about the whole situation and said not to worry. As soon as all the children were in some of my anxieties went straight away. Although I must admit I've kept that child in my eye line for the last 2 days.

 

Head has been very supportive and as others have said if a child gets it into their head that they are going home it can be very difficult to stop them. She too has had an experience where a child a little older than the boy in my class scaled a high fence and ran home.

 

Caretaker has been spoken to and now understands the importance of locking the external gates as soon as all the children are in each morning. We are also looking at contact alrams for many of the external doors and have somebody coming in to give us a quote tomorrow.

 

I found out on Thursday from our bi-lingual support that this child is often seen walking down the main road that he lives on with his younger sister to an uncles house This makes me feel even worse still as I'm horrified that something is going to happen to him. Me and the head are going to have a chat about this with mum when she brings him in tomorrow.

[Guest]

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has posted with words of support. I didn't sleep very well on Wednesday night and was dreading the children coming in on Thursday morning. Mum brought the boy in and was very relaxed about the whole situation and said not to worry. As soon as all the children were in some of my anxieties went straight away. Although I must admit I've kept that child in my eye line for the last 2 days.

 

Head has been very supportive and as others have said if a child gets it into their head that they are going home it can be very difficult to stop them. She too has had an experience where a child a little older than the boy in my class scaled a high fence and ran home.

 

Caretaker has been spoken to and now understands the importance of locking the external gates as soon as all the children are in each morning. We are also looking at contact alrams for many of the external doors and have somebody coming in to give us a quote tomorrow.

 

I found out on Thursday from our bi-lingual support that this child is often seen walking down the main road that he lives on with his younger sister to an uncles house This makes me feel even worse still as I'm horrified that something is going to happen to him. Me and the head are going to have a chat about this with mum when she brings him in tomorrow.

 

 

Gosh Ariel, you seem to be very supported which is really wonderful. Looks like this child has a alot of freedom in the area and his actions may be a consequence of allowing him to make decisions about what he can and can't do and were he can and can't go (sorry, I've genderised by saying 'he'), good luck with your talk to mum tomorrow - maybe get the local bobby involved to do a stranger danger talk too? Turn it into a theme as a consequence of action..just a thought, good luck tomorrow x