Pushy Parents

[Guest]

A parent in our setting is really starting to annoy us.

 

Her son has been off for the last three Thursdays without any explanations, however we know (from other parents) that she has been going to the induction days at the local catholic school. We have no connection with this school.

 

We still operate a two intake year. One in August and one in January. This child will only be 4 on the 13th August and she is now pushing the school to allow him to start on the 30th August. He is so not ready and we would really recommend that he doesn't start until January.

 

She finally admitted this week that her son has been for induction days and that he will most likely leave us on Friday (end of term) to go to school. Yesterday we were told he would be staying with us as she has missed the date to apply, non the less she has harassed and written to the governers and put forth her case as to why he should start. Today we are told that yes he may well leave us on Friday.

 

She has told me that the school may contact me to tell them about his 'well being' whatever that means and that she does not want us to give our opinion on whether we think he is ready or not, she and her husband think he is and thats final - he will go to school as long as she has anything to do with it!!!

 

This couple have a daughter who started the local C of E school in January, half way through the term she was moved to another school (the catholic) because she wasn't being given enought homework!!! Why not lets puts pressure on these kids from a young age. Dad really wants both children to go to private school because he thinks they will get a more structured education and more work.

 

I am really tempted to give this childs' place away for next term and when it all falls through with the school tell her sorry we are full.

 

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH Don't we just love parents!

[Guest Wolfie]

There's always one, isn't there?!?! Actually, you're lucky if it's ONLY one!! Hope you feel better for getting that off your chest!

[Rea]

Its very sad when parents behave like that isnt it? A 4 year old child is just 216 weeks old. They are still babies and should quiet rightly be playing in the goo.

Then on the other hand there are parents who hold their child back, dont allow them to grow and develop because they 'might get hurt', they are babied and molly coddled so that a 4 year old still cant put his coat on, fetch his cup or play with other children.

 

I think when the school contact you, you have a duty to the child to voice your professional belief that schoo might be a step too far for this child just yet, the school could just as well come knocking your door asking why you didnt prepare them.

 

[Marion]

To be fair in a good reception class he will be playing in the goo and doing all the things a young child should be doing but it doesn't sound as if this type of class would go down well with the parents.........how sad.

[rosepetal]

Hi Brenda,

Just wondering is the little boy starting the nursery in the school or is he going straight into the reception class. I only ask as i have had children in the past leave the setting i work in to join a nursery in their school. Sometimes parents have to do this to get their child into the school. ALso i have spoken to a few reception teachers who have visited our nursery to meet the children who are going to be in their class in September, and they have both said they carry on the Foundation stage learning through play curriculum for a term and longer if need be, so there might not be as big a change in the learning through play as you think for the little boy. Having been educated in a Catholic school, i can assure you they still have to follow a curriculum and childrens needs are met. They might have an emphsis on the Catholic faith and Catholic schools have a high standard of discipline and encourage children to learn, but i would imagine all schools do this regardless of religion.

 

I know it can be very annoying when parents leave telling us important issues to the last minute. i do believe you should tell the school, when they ask you, what you do know about the little boy, but again this should be the case for any child regardless of it being a Catholic school.

 

Hope it all works out for the best.

 

Rosepetal

[Marion]

A reception class should be carrying out the Foundation Stage learning through play curriculum for the full year not just a term.

[Inge]

it is not unusual for children to start school at this age, lots of areas have one intake a year and children ahve to go reguardless of whether they are ready or not, parents often have to send them in the September or risk not getting a place in the school as they will fill the place with another child.

If the school contact you for your opinion you sholud be honest, and let them know his level of learning and skills, as to if he is ready or not, that is uop to the parents and school involved.

 

As Marion said he should have the same FSC of learning through play for the first year anyway.

 

I would however ask for a confirmation of leaving date and in writing, stating that once you recieve this the place will be filled. It is unfair for the setting to be continually 'messed about' you need to know where you stand and it may help them with a final decision.

 

Inge

[Susan]

Children do sometimes prefer the school environment and react differently. I have often had children enter my reception classroom whom the nursery had deemed not ready and the child has had no problems.

Socially it is better to be all new together than to settle later into an established group.

[Guest]

Thanks for all advise.

 

Yes he is going straight into reception class.

 

I know that all schools have to cover the curriculum and that the catholic school will treat him as well as any other and meet all his need (don't suppose I really needed to mention that it was a catholic school did I - sorry).

 

I hadn't thought about getting a finishing date in writing, as you say this should make it easier for me with my planning. There will be no return once I get it.

 

We know that if he stays because of something we say, then mum will cause lots of upset with other parents. Having spoken to the reception teacher at the C of E mum did a lot of stirring in the playground before her child eventually left.

 

Feeling a bit less stressed now - thank you all.

[bubblejack]

Pushy parents Hmn. I have a parent who wants to send her child to school a year earlier than her peers. Yes her mum has taught her to write in capitals before she came to us at 2.The child now a rising 4 has no concept of any letter sounds though. What really worries me is that she has no social skills. It was really hard to find any children to go on her party list. Mum seems really pleased that she chooses to sit at the adult led activities all morning!!!!!!!!

[hali]

dont those sort of parents just wind you up

[Guest]

I have parents that have just hired a private tutor for their children, 2yrs, 3.5yrs and 4.5 years!!!!!!!!

But not to worry she will send them to us 'for a play still'

[Guest]

I do sympathise. We have a child, who is lovely but parents and grandmother are a nightmare. When they came they gushed about how they wanted their son to come to just this school because dad had come there and it was lovely. Well we have a 3 year old foundation stage, and when the parents induction evening came, they didn't turn up. First morning of school they slid out of the room wthout telling child so it wouldn't be upsetting for him!!!! and then complained that I had spoilt their first day of him starting school to the head, when I suggested they said goodbye because he had been upset.. They had a leaflet explaining what we did and how we operated and why. Well when it came to the time to apply for reception year, they started rumours at the gate that the school held the children back, keeping them in nursery until year 1, the head had them in and explained what we did but they still rang up the l.e.a and complained that we held children back a year.On the next open evening they actually broached the subject with me face to face. I explained how we had ofsted in very recently and quoted the report and said by law that they had to receive the same curriculum whatever room they were in Oh that's fine they said no problem. Well tioday we find out they have visited another school close by and he's going. We have all just heaved a sigh of relief.

[HappyMaz]

Pushy parents Hmn. I have a parent who wants to send her child to school a year earlier than her peers. Yes her mum has taught her to write in capitals before she came to us at 2.The child now a rising 4 has no concept of any letter sounds though. What really worries me is that she has no social skills. It was really hard to find any children to go on her party list. Mum seems really pleased that she chooses to sit at the adult led activities all morning!!!!!!!!

Sometimes our job is not just about education our children, but their parents!

 

Maz

[Guest]

Mmm. very sad but at the end of the day we have to accept it however annoying and frustrating it might be. Parents are a child's first educators and in some cases this is part of the problem - but there are lots more parents who are prepared to let their children enjoy being a child and learn what is developmentally appropriate for them - educating parents is hard when they want their child to read and write at a very young age and operate in a very structured environment. However, I also agree that I think they will be slightly suprised by the fact that most good schools with nurseries and reception classes are not so different. I think though that the pressure is brought down from the very top end of education and the secondary schools - achievvement levels etc then its going to be a hard up hill battle. And I could get on my soap box about that - its no different up at that end either. I feel the education system has failed my highly dyslexiic son who copes in class, will come out with poor GCSE grades when he does not fit the box of academic learning - but there we go. Keep your head up - its not personal

Nikki

[Guest Wolfie]

You're so right Maz! I once got so wound up by a parent who just kept push-push-pushing and questioning the reason behind our philosophy and everything we planned and did that I arrived on her doorstep with the Foundation Stage Guidance and ALL our planning from the last year and spent two hours explaining everything in great detail - I felt like I'd given her a crash course in pre-school practice!!!

 

Did it make any difference?? NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[Guest]

Unfortunately people often just hear what they want to hear, and no matter how many times you tell them things, what their ears hear and what their brain registers are completely different.

Educating the parents can be more difficult than educating the children.

[HappyMaz]

Unfortunately people often just hear what they want to hear, and no matter how many times you tell them things, what their ears hear and what their brain registers are completely different.

Educating the parents can be more difficult than educating the children.

Couldn't agree more. We just have to keep plugging away and promote the fantastic work we do.

 

And if only the philosophies behind work in early years was pushed up the key stages life would be much happier.

 

I too have a son who is a 'square peg' in a round hole, and life is not very happy for him in secondary, either. So much for 'every child matters' ... but its probably best that I don't get started on that particular discussion!

 

Maz

[Guest]

Asked boys mum today if we could have in writing that he will leave us, only to be told that NO HE IS NOT LEAVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she has missed the deadline.

 

I will not hold my breath. I shall expect a phone call any time over the hols with her telling me he will be going.

 

We don't look forward to next term if he stays, because she has already told me he needs more stimulation than pre-school can offer him what she thinks he will get in reception class I don't know.

 

I think she may benefit from a visit for the morning and just see for herself what we and he does. Then again perhaps not, i'm sure she will find something to pick fault with.

 

Oh well next term will start with gritted teeth and a big welcoming smile on our faces!!!!!

 

We shall not sink down to her level - we are PROFESSIONALS after all aren't we!

[rosepetal]

Children do sometimes prefer the school environment and react differently. I have often had children enter my reception classroom whom the nursery had deemed not ready and the child has had no problems.

Socially it is better to be all new together than to settle later into an established group.

 

 

 

Hi Brendas,

You don't have to say sorry for mentioning the Catholic school. i do fully understand the frustration when Parents don't understand where we are coming from. I hope what ever happens it all works out for the little boy.

 

Marion you are absolutely right in saying reception class follow the Foundation stage for a year, i picked the teacher up wrong when she was talking to me, she had said she was a new teacher and was intending to introduce learning through play in her class as the teacher who left did not agree with it, and the new teacher was very much for it. I was just so excited as i was having a professional discussion with a qualified teacher using the same jargon and understanding it, although when i said the little boy she was going to have from our nursery had a specific Schema, she did ask me what was a schema. I just presumed anyone working within the Foundation Stage would understand what a schema was as that is part of what we plan for when doing children's individual play plans and was part of my level 3 training. It was lovely though as she said thank you to me, and said i have learnt something new today. She was lovely and it was good to know that the boy who would be going into her class would be able to continue his love of imaginative play etc.

 

 

Rosepetal