Will I Regret It?

[Guest]

After reading post by kizzy about the bereavement, so many issues and feelings are going around my head! It may be I'm having a mega low moment without the ciggies, but I have heard so many tragic stories lately and at this moment I feel that my life is so full of hassle with pre-school stuff that it just makes you think why should I (we) have to live like this?

When I took over as Supervisor about 14 years ago, I couldn't envisage the amount of work that would be coming!

I absolutely love working with children and always have done, I am good at my job and have (with a lovely team behind me) built up a successful and busy group. I have put my heart and soul into every aspect, but just recently, I'm really beginning to ask whether I am now out of my depth! It's not because I don't understand the foundation stage, planning etc. It's because I want to do all the 'fun' things we used to do, like making props, scenery, being 'hands on' during every session. I really miss this side of things and I know the children are losing out! There just isn't enough time and there is always something to fret/think about.

I would give anything to go back to the days before ofsted and the paperwork mountain. The children still received the best preparation for their more formal learning at school and we were much more at ease and enjoyed every day.

I am seriously thinking of handing it all over (if I can find anyone!) and going to the Post Office - more money and job and finish!!! I know I would really miss the children, routine, and everything else, but I will have peace of mind. Also my husband and boys will have their wife/mum back!!!

 

Do you think I need a fag or what?

Going to sleep on it - may feel better in the morning!

[Guest]

oh poor you Kymberley! I think we all have days like that. Dont give up, you've spent years building up a successfull pre-school and you still love the children!!!!. If you went to the post office, you'd be bored stiff!!(no offence to postal workers!!)

 

There really is NO other job like ours.....

 

 

Just stick a nicotine patch or two on and i'm sure you'll feel much better in the morning!!!

 

Jenni xx

[hali]

quite agree, i felt just like you a few weeks ago, but the sun has started to shine and this week was a good one......dont give up nearly easter to nhave a well deserved break, think on it for a while.....

[Andreamay]

I too feel like this at times the paperwork is taking me further away from the children!

However when I feel dispair i just put in my in tray and go home! ok it still need to be done but I no longer try and do it all right now!

you have my sympthy my friend

[mundia]

I feel like this to Kymberley. Sadly I cant actually DO anything else!

 

Spend some time thinkng about how you feel before making any decision. None of us can actualy tell you what is the right decision for you, but please dont jump and make one that you will regret in a few weeks time.

 

For me now its getting lighter its the garden I head for, they dont fight back!

[Sue R]

As everyone else has said, we all feel like that at some time, so please don't do anything rash. At the moment I'm more concerned that I can meet certain commitments outside work!

 

Sue

[Guest]

Dear kymberley,

 

We all unfortunately feel like this from time to time, the amount of paperwork can be rediculous and you do wonder how it is actually helping the children, but you've worked so hard and you wouldn't be happy doing anything else. I worked in an office for 9 months and had to quit with nothing else sorted because i was SO bored with the same thing every day.

 

Nurseries and Pre-schools are always different every day and are great fun

 

We all have bad days/weeks but then it's the weekend and you can forget all about it (hopefully for a day or two) or atleast be a bit more relaxed! :wacko:

 

I've had an awful week, but a great day today, week has been parents causing trouble, but i got an e-mail from my boss today saying that she's really pleased she took me on, i've made a huge difference in her pre-school room and although i've only worked there for 5 weeks, she given me a pay rise!

 

Just thought i'd put a positive in to try and lift all these sad feelings!

 

Keep going and don't give up, and the Forum's always here if you need another moan about the paperwork!!

 

Lu

[Rea]

Kymberley, dont you dare have a fag. The paperwork will still be there, you will still be spending less time with the children and then you'll have guilt too. I left playgroup for the reasons you've just given, some days it would be mat time at the end of the session before I actually had time to see who was there and if a parent asked me how their child had been I'd struggle to answer them. You'll know when the time is right for you to leave, I knew without a doubt it was'nt for me anymore and decided to be a full time mom and housewife, how mind numbingly boring those few weeks were So I joined a agency and now get to do all the things I was trained for and dont every have to worry about parents, inspections, observations, planning, staff, committee, church hall management, risk assessments, health and safety, who's turn it is to get the shopping/wash the tea towels......

 

 

Keep this secret, I had a couple of fags last night (each bottle of wine told me to ) So I know about the guilt thing

[Guest]

Hello everyone,

It's ok, I haven't had a fag Rea! Thanks for your replies. I feel a bit better today.

I am just so tired, so gonna have a sleep and will get back later tonight!

Thanks again.

[Guest]

Hi Everyone,

Right, today has been quite a day! I called in to see my mum this morning and as soon as I saw her, I just broke down, she didn't quite know what had hit her, but apparently she wasn't surprised! I haven't cried like this for some years, but boy, did it feel good! I didn't realise my brother and his wife were sat there too, but I'm so glad she was there as she could see that I was having a panic attack. I got so much reassurance from her and all the symptoms that I have been feeling is exactly what she went through a couple of years ago.

My mum said quite a few things that were true, but I didn't necessarily want to hear, she said that the 'sparkle' had gone from me and I need to have a life too.

The thing is, I have always striven to be good in everything I do and over the years my job has brought so many rewards and I think the whole of my problem revolves around me not wanting to let the parents, children and my staff down. The fear of having a bad ofsted just leaves me cold and there have been times when reading threads on the forum, I just have an overwhelming fear of failing.

We all work so hard and my passion for the job is just as strong as when I started, but for my health's sake do I carry on!

I certainly couldn't leave before the end of this year, I wouldn't do that to the staff or the children, but I just don't know what to do.

The thought of someone else taking over would hurt me too!

I'm just glad really that today has helped me to a certain extent - knowing how to breathe properly seemed quite good!

I do feel better, may be just needed to have a good cry! Looking forward to tomorrow!!!

Happy Days!!!!

[Sue R]

I've had that sort of day, too. We are none of us perfect and often panic in the 'wee small hours' when no one can see us.

 

We all feel the same on here, I would guess, so just hang on and remember we're all here!

 

Sue

[nicki-k]

Hi Kymberley,

 

So sorry to hear your troubles at the moment. Can you off load any of your paperwork onto other members of staff so that you can spend some more time with the children having fun. My supervisor is leaving in the summer for the same reasons you have mentioned. She has worked for 15 years at our pre-school and says she feels like she is going round in ever decreasing circles and wants a complete change. However the grass is definately not greener on the other side.

 

I have worked in a variety of jobs in the past, all of which have involved hours you don't get paid for and the dreaded paperwork! This is the first job in years that everyday is different, everyday we fall about in laughter with the children and everyday I wake up thankful that I am going to spend the day with children! A classic case happened last week when we were looking at pictures of things you can and can't eat with the children. My supervisor asked one of her keychildren if he could eat it - pointing at the picture, and he promptly put the paper in his mouth and said he could. You just don't get this in tesco's!

 

Hope your days get better and you hang in there!

[Guest]

I know how you feel Kimberley-I read what other people are doing on this website and feel that I am not doing one half of what I should. So, I love this site and have gained so much from being a member but there are times when I feel that what I am doing is not quite right or not enough.

Then I sit back and think. Are my staff happy? Yes, at least most of the time. Are my parents happy? Very much so. Are my children happy? Absolutely!!! So why do I worry? Because that is my nature I suppose. But I have decided that if the vast majority of people I touch are happy for most of the time what more can I do? Nothing!

Life is very short and far too short to worry about what we are not doing. Far better to look at what we are doing and build on that. Think of all the positives there are, and I bet you will find loads, and focus on those.

Linda

[Rea]

Kymberley, you say you dont know what to do. Well in that case do nothing and wait. I waited a year before handing in my notice and another 7 months before I left so that everyone, new leader especially, had time to see what was what and get into their new roles. I spent 7 months flitting about, wondering if I'd done the right thing, being scared and excited, and boy did I cry on the last day? Changes have taken place at playgroup since I left, some I love some I hate, but it's not my playgroup anymore and as well as saying goodbye to being able to make decisions I've also said goodbye to having to make decisions. Take your time, you're not happy now but it could be a blip, next week the sun will shine and you may feel differently. Start looking at college courses, see if you can use your skills and experience elsewhere, see what else is out there but give yourself time to think. I wanted to do tutoring, but luckily havent found a course yet because I see now that the time I'm spending on supply is adding to my own knowledge. I dont think I'll be happy working away from the children so I may never train as a tutor. Yesterday I saw a child with her mom in Sainsburys, we had a few words and as I walked away I heard her say to her mom 'Thats the lovely one', you wont get that in Tescos either.

[Guest]

I opened my business 4 yrs ago, I worked day and night, hubby thought I'd left him as he never saw my face, just the back of my head as I left the house or the back of my head as I sat at my computer every night, for nearly two years.

I semi-retired in Sept 05 from the day to day management at the preschool, working from home on just the paperwork................until beginning of March, due to staff shortages, I have been in every day. Yes, I'm knackered, back aches, brain dead, staff nightmares but most of all............my face aches, because I am always laughing or smiling, all day, just being back with the children has been GREAT FUN. What has helped is that I have left most of the paperwork, I refuse to work weekends now, and guess what? It doesn't matter, I don't know how but the paperwork gets done in work time and not during home/hubby/me time.

I am looking forward to the Easter break and going back to semi-retirement but I think that is because I have done my 23 yrs ( bet not many people stay at Tesco's for that long), but I can't let it go completely. I have delegated the part of the job that wears me out and can dip into the fun as the need arises. Rea's advice is so good, coming from the other perspective of what can happen, and the process of coming to a decision.

 

Take your time to decide where to go from here, do think about making some "me" time for yourself though, others will appreciate it because you will feel better for it. You have been selfless in your dedication to your vocation, and all of us have breaking points, but it is not always black and white, one or the other, to do or not do, find some support, some compromise to be able to continue what you love doing but with the support of others to not take the whole burden on yourself.

I used to think I could change the world by living to my principles, fighting against what I thought was wrong about all the changes in the early years field, well I have learnt that I can't change the world but i can make the best difference with the people around me, as others have said, life's too short, making little differences every day and letting the world fit in with you now and again has worked for me, I hope it can work for you.

 

Peggy.

 

p.s. just a little hint, I haven't logged on for 2 days and it's taken me about 4 hours to catch up with all the posts, so if you don't do another days paperwork ( just play) for the next week, promise you will log onto the forum every day otherwise you will spend hours catching up like I have.

[Guest]

Well, it's Friday, the last day of term and I do feel good - now!!

I haven't been well for the past week and was off work for 2 days. Stress got the better of me and I must admit did feel really awful. I went to the doctors tonight and have been put on anti-depressants, nothing major, just something to calm me a bit - I am more angry with myself really for letting 'work' things get me down!

I appreciate all your replies and having had the couple of days off, it's giving me time to think, so many children cuddled me today and asked where I was, which was lovely. I know I love my job!!!!

It was good for my new Deputy too, she has only just taken over, so it gave her a chance to be in charge! It was quite daunting for her, but she did a great job - just one minor problem over a lost spoon, so nothing for her to be really worried about!

So many of you have commented on what a 'fun' job this is and you're right, each day is different and for one moment you may feel exasperated by a squabbling pair (of children) and in the next just a magical moment of triumph or just something lovely that they say.

I've go the next two weeks to 'relax' which means catching up on paper work, but I haven't got the fear of ofsted turning up and am going to go over everything to make sure it's all in order.

I'm holding interviews next week to replace a member of staff, which is a little worrying, but I need to be sure we take on someone that is keen and will stay with us!!!

Thanks again for all your replies -I have taken on board everything that you have said and as per usual, you have made a difference!

 

Kymberley

[Guest]

So glad things are sorting out for you Kymberley. Sometimes we need to have a crisis to put matters in order.

We have had a rotten few weeks with a child in pre-school which have resolved this last week-not how we wanted it to but that is the way things go sometimes.

I asked one of my children yesterday who her best friend was in pre-school-her answer was "You are". It makes you realise just how magical this job is.

I hope the future looks better for you.

Linda

[Rea]

Glad you're feeling more positive kymberley. See, the sun is shinning

Take care and enjoy your break

[nicki-k]

So glad to hear you are sorting things out Kimberley. There are times I have felt really stressed - usually when I am doing the monthly bank statements!!!

 

But the love of the children really keeps you going

[Sue R]

Pleased things are feeling more balanced. i just missed you last night in the chat!

 

Sue

[Guest]

Hi Kimberley,

Just wanted to say glad your feeling brighter. I often get the same feelings as a Reception teacher and FSCoordinator. But yes the children are lovely and that's the job's saving grace. Hope things continue in a positive way for you and that you enjoy the Easter Break. Take care! I'm so glad the forum is here, it really helps not to feel all alone with the problems and to know that there are lots of others out there who experience similar highs and lows. So as lots of others have said, keep us posted.

AOB

[Guest]

Hi Kymberley

Glad you are feeling better, the stress gets to us all. I have run my own group for 9 years and this is the first year that I have had a team of staff that I feel I can delegate work to and not have to keep chaseing after to see if the work has been done properly. I am learning to delegate and as one of my staff said "don't take it personally" when they want to change something I started 2 or 3 years before.

We have had problems with the church who we rent the hall from this week, and the parents have rallied around us so much it has been over whelming.

I have a little boy who has been in hospital for a minor op (one of those embarrassing ones) and wouldn't go to the toilet with anyone else but me, for the last week and one day while he was washing his hands he looked at me with a big smile while we were laughing about with the taps, and said I love you. Well while I was sniffing away the tears, I thought nobody heard him or saw him or me but thats the reason we do the job.!!!!! We love children.

Steph