Angry child :(

[Guest]

I seem to be posting a lot today but I wonder if anyone has any ideas on this? I hope it's ok to post this type of question.

Four year old has been in my setting from five months old. Used to have quite extreme tantrums at two but was well past that and dealt with any upset by going off to play alone for a few minutes and then returning. At the end of the summer term she was excited about going to school and very engaged and sociable. She wasn't here very much over the summer and had an extended family holiday which meant that she missed the first two weeks of term. I totally understand that she is new to the whole school environment and that she is tired but her behaviour is so extreme that it's becoming dangerous. I am due to attend a meeting with the parents and school in the next week or so. Her parents said that on holiday she was so badly behaved that they couldn't go out and they out her back in nappies which she hasn't worn for at least two years. speech therapists have been called in and said she needs therapy but her speech was very good leading up to all this. My gut feeling and experience tells me that something has happened to make her so sad and angry, her family can't shed any light on this but its heart breaking, she has only been at school for a couple of weeks and already has a reputation for hitting. I have always been able to work closely with this family through all sorts of situations, I feel she needs lots of time and patience before beginning to put other measures in place but something has to be done quickly for her own safety.

[finleysmaid]

personally i would suggest a medical checkup to check there is nothing else going on first and then work from there.

[Guest]

thanks yes she has seen the gp as her behaviour changes if she has had medical problems before but she is medically fine. I have just had a long conversation with her Mum , we both agree that something has gone awry and have decided to try and get through this week and then see what the senco has to say. thanks for your suggestion though.

[finleysmaid]

i assume that you are not worried about asd issues?

[Cait]

Or, dare I suggest, some safeguarding problems?

[MegaMum]

I would be concerned as to what might have transpired on the family holiday to cause such a change in this little girl

[finleysmaid]

When you say she has been to her GP what did they check do you know?(and do you have proof that they took her?) As the other posts have said safeguarding should certainly be checked but regression and anger could be caused by all sorts of things. It could be transition (but to have this much of a reaction i would suggest that other forces may be at work too) Have you managed to get her back in to toileting? Brain issues such as Arnold chiari's are not unusual to be diagnosed at this age but i think you need to work on resettling first and see if she is able to. Otherwise maybe a chat with the Ed psych on their next visit or a referral to CHAMS?

[Guest]

thanks everyone, yes she is back to toileting, I too was concerned that something may have happened on holiday but Mum said the change in her behaviour started at home before they went away. She has always had quite a quick temper (the child not the Mum!) but her behaviour has always gone awry in the past with illness. She has arrived this morning and is happily drawing pictures of her cat, we have had a chat about why she is so cross but she just says she misses her mum while at school

Mum and I had a chat yesterday and we wondered if she is holding it together at school as the teacher always says she has been "Fine" although other children say differently. Maybe she is comfortable enough with me and her Mum to let it all go when she comes home? Anyway we are going to see what the school have to say at the meeting. thanks everyone for your advice and input.

[finleysmaid]

kimskids1 this is a worrying post for me! you could be describing two girls i have had in the past ...both have now been diagnosed with asd issues! That feeling of 'holding on' during the day only to release in a home environment is a very common issue with girls with asd .....are there any other symptoms?

[Guest]

well if you had asked me that question this time last year I would have said no, she is very sociable , loves to help others and have a job to do. she has always been quick to get cross but again in our small setting we could deal with that and so could she. We did have concerns about her speech about 18 months ago and with the parents permission I reffered her to a speech therapist who said there was no problem but that she would do a follow up check when she started school. the was done in the summer hols and the therapist said her speech development had gone into reverse! It's not something we had seen and when you only have three or four children in a setting you know their development so well that I find it hard to beleive they are talking about the same child, She is dominated by her sister who is only 11 months older and has always been the "perfect" child , so there is a lot of frustration there and I think maybe going into school and people comparing her to the sister who was was in that class last year doesn't help. She is being assessed today so we will see what they have to say.

[Guest]

Hi I just wanted to thank you all for your advice on this topic, just a quick update, the school senco has no concerns, the speech therapist has said she doesn't need further support and the child's behaviour is much better although she has her angry moments they are over quickly and she is more willing to explain why she is sad afterwards. At the parents evening the parent was told that the child does nothing, won't co operate with any attempt to do any "work" and is very quiet all day. they don't seem too concerned and have suggested that between the parents and myself we work on some literacy etc at home. They were not aware that she can form most letters, can count up to around 30 and is the most amazing story teller she can construct fantastic tales and she can construct the most intricate paper constructions too. its sad that they can't see any of this because she is so withdrawn at school but I think they are right not to push her at the moment, she really needs to feel more secure before trying anything else imo. I have arranged with the Mum for me to have her or the older sibling on an extra afternoon a week so that the child in question can have some special time either with her mum or here which she loves.

thanks again for all the great advice it was good to let it all out when I was so worried.

[Guest]

It's strange that the school didn't have any idea of what she can do, did they not have a meeting with parents before she started or look the transition documents you sent? Is it possible that the teacher can do a home visit or maybe mum could take some phone film footage to show what she's like at home?

Starting school 2 weeks after her peers must have been difficult as it's easy to forget all the allowances and transition preparation the other children received. Is there a visual timetable in place in the classroom and maybe a copy for home so she can chat about the day? I also wonder about using a social story to give suggestions of what to do if she gets angry.

Interesting that school is prioritising literacy for you to work on when what seems needed is self esteem and relationship building. Maybe making a photo book about all the things she's good at that she can share with her teacher would be useful. Isn't it annoying how children are always compared to their peers? What happened to the Unique Child??!!!