Sensitive positive advice sought please

[lashes2508]

Recently my posts have been concerning me and my dilemmas at work but as I know there are some of you who have dealt with the ' c ' either recently or previously , I wonder if you can share your feelings thoughts to help me support a friend. My dear friend sadly lost her mum just before Christmas and then herself was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer just after Christmas. She has had the lumpectomy and the good news is that it has not spread to her lymph nodes but she has to under go a further op which may result in a mastectomy. She is trying to be positive but obviously struggling to do so. I have suggested she talks to others who have gone through similar experience , I just want to be able to support her but I know that until someone has walked inthe shoes she us right now it's difficult to fully comprehend just how and what she is feeling. Your comments advice would be truly welcomed and appreciated.

[zigzag]

A couple of years ago one of my team had breast cancer. I know she found it very helpful to talk to people who had also had it. I think all you can really do is be there for them, let them know that you will listen to them if they need to talk and also if they need practical help. I think the worst thing is when people ignore it as they feel uncomfortable talking about it. My team member had quite a time away from work, so we used to go and visit her and try and make sure she still felt part of the team. Your her friend, and just being there for her to cry with, rage with and laugh with will be enough. I am really happy to say that my friend is now in the clear and back at work. My thoughts are with your friend and wish her well. Also make sure YOU look after YOURSELF.

[Rea]

Oh blimey!

I know a family of sisters, 4 of them, whos mom died 10 years ago and all have since had elective mastectomy. I've spoken to two of them, it was obviously a horrendous decision to have to make and they're lucky in that they have each other for support but even these two have dealt very differently with it.

I chatted to one of them in the pub one night and we giggled after she said she didnt feel like the falsies were hers. and to make them her own we named them after her two favourite ponies when she was little. I know thats quite a silly thing but it was of the moment.

The other sister has joined a group of other ladies and done a calendar. She is without doubt the most inspirational woman I know. I've never had breast cancer nor even a scare but I feel immensely proud that she is out there battling for funds and for acceptance for a womans body without breasts,especially as Facebook were removing pictures of breast cancer survivors at one point!

All you can do is make sure she knows you are there for her at any time of day or night. Shopping,crying, drinking, sitting in a waiting room, whatever she needs from you but remember that might be nothing.

[Guest]

mine wasn't breast cancer it was womb cancer my treatment may have been different. My friend was a godsend she did every appointment as I didn't want my husband to come he is not good with hospitals but a rock at home . I could be myself and not try to be brave in front of the family she is like me down to earth and could say god you look rough what we gonna do about it while others didn't want to say those things. She also brought normality which I craved for me that was a good thing, not sure how your friend feels just never forget that underneath the horror, shock and ill effects of the treatment the normal person is still there do those things with her.

I found talking to my McMillan nurse helpful they can direct you to self help groups they can talk to you too. They have a web site and a helpline they can advise and help you my friend used them. Look after yourself take on what you can manage everything will be appreciated good luck to you and your friend message me if it would help .

Sue xxx

[narnia]

Pm'd you xx

[Guest]

My mum is getting towards the end of her breast cancer ordeal (diagnosed October 2009 and she's had all 5 of the treatments that you can have) and the one thing she has always said is that you just need someone to reassure you that everything will be okay, and that you will get through it.

 

My dad isn't the greatest at dealing with things like this and he was no use with it. Mum said he could have just said to her "it's going to be okay".

 

But she will need someone to listen when she's having a bad day, give her a tissue when she's upset and hold her hand when she's scared. That's the best you can do for her and I'm sure that resonates whether you've been through it or not.

 

All the best to her, it's a scary scary thing to go through.