Urgently need ideas on how to support a 4 year olds who mum have cance

[Guest]

I am doing my EYPS at a nursery. I have a 4 years old who recently started the nursery and mum have cancer. I am not sure what type of cancer because mum is not saying. The child is not fluent in English. Spanish is the spoken language at home. I am looking for activities to do to support this child with this home circumstances. I am hoping to meet Standard 31 'Work in partnership with families and parents/cares, at home and in the setting, to nurture children, to help them develop and to improve outcomes for them'

 

Thank you for reading.

[narnia]

It almost doesn't matter what type of cancer mum has. What will matter is what her prognosis is and what THAT means for her child. It will be very stressful for all of them and mum needs to be sure her child is secure and happy at his nursery, so she can concentrate on getting well again. How does he manage his language right now?? do any of the staff speak Spanish?? If not, is it possible to get some help with this, my LEA used to have an interpreter service, so it might be worth checking this out. What about developing a 'family album' with the family, to be used in the setting............if mum is willing, photos of his home, his family members etc so you all know who he is talking about? You could use his home language and English in the album. It could be a form of LJ, so he puts in things he's been doing at the nursery ( more photos etc) so mum can see ( nice if she's unable to get in due to her treatments?). This two-way liaison will help to make all the family secure i think?

[calicojo]

Has she recently been diagnosed or is this something the family have been coping with for some time? Just make sure that the child is happy and secure with you as you would with any other child, and take your lead from the family. A home /setting book is a good idea.

[Guest]

Thank you for the suggestion, but I am sure the mum will not be willing. This is because I previously asked the mum to join the nursery book club so the son can borrow books home but she refuses. I think mum is can of depressed because of the cancer and the nursery are looking for ways to help. Another problem is that she speaks little English but her older college son is fluent. The boy is showing interest of naming objects with their English name. I am thinking of creating a scrapbook with an object label with both their Spanish and English name. No one in the the nursery speaks Spanish. We did not get an interpreter because the boy older brothers are fluent in English. I seriously need some ideas

[Guest]

calicojo

 

I do not know how long she has been diagnosed. The boy has settled well in the nursery. He has developed a trusting relationship with me, his key-person and few of the staff. He seems happy and mixing well with other pre-schoolers. I am not sure about the home/setting book. However, I will speak to my manager about this. That sound like a good suggestion. Thank you

[zigzag]

We had a three year old who's Mum died of cancer just after the childs third birthday. During the short time we had the child with us before she died we copied all photos of the child and they got sent to the Mum in the hospice and we had made plans with friends of the family that they could film the child in the setting to show Mum, sadly this never happened. In the following year we just gave as much comfort, reassurance, hugs and love to that little girl as we could. (that is the same in any language) I am pleased to say that she left us a happy, positive and confident little girl all ready for school. We also made it clear to the father that we would signpost the family to any outside help or support if they felt they needed it.

[finleysmaid]

Eyps i was in this situation 2 years ago and would say support is the way to go. I think you may need to rethink using this child for your studies. Apart from the fact you need the parent to agree, i do not think this Mum will want to work in partnership with you to this extent at present. She will probably see pre-school as respite for her and for her child and may not want her illness to even be mentioned in your setting. Perhaps choose someone else who's needs are more easily met....only my opinion of course!

[Inge]

I too think it may be better to work with a different family for EYPS as they will have a lot things happening already .

 

We supported child by ensuring the setting remained as much the same as usual.. the one place that could be relied on to be there and have no major changes, a stable part of the child's life, let the family know we were there if they needed us but did not make ourselves so proactive that it made them want to back off.. many will want to deal with something like this within the family and unable to cope with too much from outside.. we were able to do little things that helped like allowing the child to attend, when we had space, so appointments and visits could be done without a child in tow, our family lost a wage , we knew by the reduction in hours booked so we offered free lunch club for 6 months which also gave mum more respite... simple things that we could do to give mum more rest at home which was what she needed more than anything else. I never asked any questions, but let them tell us what they wanted..which was very little , that was fine we wanted to be one place that could be relied on not to change and remain the same to both parent and child.

[Guest]

Thank you all for your advices. I do understand the mum will want to keep her illness confidential as possible and I will respect that by not expecting more from her. I will just do one or two activities with the boy that will not seem like an invasion of privacy.I have decided to create a personalised scrapbook for the boy. I will get him to express himself by drawing his families in the book. To those of you who suggested I work with another child instead, I am already doing that. I have been supporting a child who who mum is expecting a baby very soon. However, I also want to support this other child (who mum has cancer) because the boy is showing lots of interest in doing activities with me. He seems to like me and he always wants me to read him a book .

 

Thanks you all for sharing your experiences with me. :1b

[sharonash]

We are going through this too, there are some fantastic sites with some nice resources, some of the links are below. Its very difficult isnt it? We didnt want to bring the subject up with mum as dad had told me. But I felt I had to ( Im the manager) she just held me and sobbed - which started me off- and oh i was trying to be so strong and composed- afterwwards she thanked me and said its nice to have opened up the channels of communication. Again as already said above I offered support , and she knows I will try and be there at the drop of a hat if she needs anything. I have told the childs keyperson but she is struggling I think its worth thinking about counselling for staff too! Hope the links help

http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/For/ForBereavedFamilies

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_health/bereavement/bereavement_effectschildren.shtml

http://www.mariecurie.org.uk/en-gb/patients-carers/for-carers/supporting-children/

http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/mainsection.asp?section=000100010003&pagetitle=Schools%2FProfessionals

 

Winston's Wish Helpline 08452 03 04 05- brilliant support for us and parents!

[Guest Spiral]

Hello,

 

just a cautionary note from personal experience. Please do bear in mind that some families may wish to keep the fact that mum has cancer as a personal matter and may not wish their child to be reminded of it when they are at nursery.

 

We chose to inform our daughter's school of my husband's cancer and asked that they did not engage her in any lessons that would be difficult for her, but we asked that they would also be aware of meeting her emotional needs if the matter arose. She has reflected on this with me and said she would not have gone to her teachers as "school is different and when you're there you don't think about home". She was 7 at the time.

 

Winstons wish is a fantastic charity and I'd certainly approach them for help if it came to that.

 

Best of luck,

Spiral :-)

[Guest]

Thank you sharonash for the website links, I will check them soon. To Spiral, I am definitely not talking to the boy about the mum's cancer, that will be a very bad practice, especially if the family have kept this from the boy. I only want to concentrate on supporting him with his emotional well - being and making him feel safe and love when he comes to the nursery.

 

I must really say, it's money well spend joining this EYFS forum. I am very grateful for all your advice.

[Guest Spiral]

Best of luck with everything and welcome to the forum - it's a great place to wander into!

 

Spiral :-)