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Madmum
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Hi!

We have a child in our setting who can have quite challenging and disruptive behaviour. She is also very rude verbally - not abusive, just downright rude to adults and children! We have a behaviour system where we use 3 minutes time out and apply it to all children the same and it works well for everyone else. She sometimes achieives this 3 times in a session!

 

The problem we have is that Mum doesn't bring her or fetch her - she comes and goes with another parent who lives near her. It's not like a chidlminder being a fellow EY professional paid to do a job and bring and collect a child: in that situation parents generally agree we discuss any issues necessary with the childminder, and they pass it on. The parent bringing her occasionally asks if she's 'been OK?', but not regularly. Yesterday she had been on time out and the other parent asked if she had and was told yes. Within 15 min Mum rang and wanted to know why, suggesting we use it too much. it was explianed that we have the same standards for all of them. She came and went as usual today and was on time out twice, but the parent collecting didin't ask so we didn't say!

 

What would others do in this situation? We don't want to ring every day, or write it all down every time, but it is difficult to make her aware as she chooses not to come. it's walking distance, and she has a 3 month old baby.

 

Madmum

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What permissions do you have in place for these drop off/collection arrangements? I would say that if the drop off/collection person is authorised by the parent, then they act in loco parentis as we do, and therefore should be told the messages that you would otherwise pass on to mum.

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Do you use the home link books or a communication diary ? This can be very useful if the parent does not collect the child on a regular basis and it also gives the parent somewhere to write down any concerns etc for all staff to see.

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I somehow doesn't feel right to share information with the parent of another child in the setting when they aren't 'officially' a child minder, but I will ask our Head about it.

We were reluctant to use a home school book as it makes extra work and when we tried it wiht another child recently the parent wrote nothing and then it vanished! It was also hard to find lots of positives and we worried there would be a danger of it becoming a list of moans!

Thinking about it, I would be inclined to give the parent a choice of theses 2 options -either way the messages should get there!

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time out for us is absolutely the last resort and as such generates a form to be filled in which is then discussed and signed by the parent, could you do someting like this and then arrrange a suitable time to meet and discuss it with her, it would give you an opportunity to sit down and chat about the child and build some bridges in your working relationship with the parent

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Never thought of doing a written record each time! We tend to use time out after a warning - unless they hit for no reason! Most parents are supportive and some use it at home too as the children all understand it.

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what i may be inclined to do is to write a pre IEP,, you would then need the parent to come in to talk about strategies etc....if they are quering the methods you are using in the setting, then this may be the 'carrot' you need to get them in.

ABC obs on the child may help you pinpoint reasons for the behaviour, get all your evidence together then see if mum can come in for a chat...kind of a 'how can we help you and your child'

are you able to do home visits - we dont in our setting, but i know some do ?

sorry ...bit of a ramble, im in need of wine !

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time out for us is absolutely the last resort and as such generates a form to be filled in which is then discussed and signed by the parent, could you do someting like this and then arrrange a suitable time to meet and discuss it with her, it would give you an opportunity to sit down and chat about the child and build some bridges in your working relationship with the parent

I had to introduce a form as staff were using time out too often as a means of dealing with difficult behaviour rather than getting to the reason behind it plus I personally feel time out is using exclusion as a punishment and therefore needs justification hence paperwork. I have to say that it has been probably a year since we last timed out a child at preschool, however with my own child it was about 12 hours ago!

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It's not like a chidlminder being a fellow EY professional

 

Madmum....... THANKS !!!!!!

 

That's the nicest thing I've read all week :D

 

Nona

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