Back To Work Tommorow :-(

[Guest]

Hello,

 

After two weeks off sick with stress i am back to work tommorow.... sadly, i still feel as stressed as i felt two weeks ago. I don't know if being off has helped, because it has raised my anxieties about going back.

 

The nursery i work at has had some changes, manager left early for maternity, low occupancy, being told what to do by operations advisors who don't really see the reality of the situation (economic climate affecting places - lost a few children as their parents had been made redundant), being told to 'market' the nursery but not being given the tools to do this. Being told to buiild staff morale yet they keep pinching staff to go and work in their other local nurseries

 

the reality is, i am very lucky and financially i don't need to work fulltime - some part time work would be 'pocket money' if you like. My family life is stable at home (me and Husband) but my mum (who lives nearby) is very depressed, she has an 8 year old child and is struggling to cope with her whilst also dealing with the demands of caring for my nanna who has dementia. If i worked part time i could help my mum more, i would also have time for my husband and i would be less stressed i am sure..... we could focus on trying to have our own family..... so that is one reality.......

 

the other reality is this .........

 

my sickness record now shows i have had two weeks off with stress (last two weeks - dr note supplied). I also had a week in April with stress (long story, but post wedding blues basically, and work related again!)..... so all in all three weeks this year so far (all covered by dr notes)..... does this make me majorly unattractive to potential employers? I am well qualified, have a degree in early years, EYPS, been a manager, and an assistant manager - worked in childcare for 12 years - good references (sorry don't want to sound big headed, just wanted to paint a picture ) ..... the reason i ask this, is ....

 

i am thinking of asking my current work if i can go to three and a half / 4 days a week - nursery is quiet. so it may help them - it would help me be less stressed and would mean i had time to help my family out..... i think they will say no, and in that case i think i may have to leave as i know now in my heart going back fulltime long term will not be good, and i sense i would be off sick in a few weeks if i went back fulltime. i presume there is a process i will have to follow to do this, guess i will find out more tommorow. I did think about getting another sick note for a phased return to work, but i am due back tommorow.... If i get there tommorow, ask about reducing hours and get told no, and if i still have the bad feeling i had last time i was there and what i feel now, would it be acceptable, do you think (especially if i am generally feeling stressed) to say i do not feel well and want to go home again? (then go to my dr's and discuss!)...... in my heart i feel returning to work tommorow is too soon, but equally i know i am only putting off the inevatable and another 2 weeks off work will only put me back in this place in two weeks time. however, i may get back tommorow and be completely suprised but how i feel.

 

if my current work say no to part time, i have been applying for a nursery nurse job near to home, i have an interview in two weeks, they can offer me three or four days a week, they know why i want to work part time ( i was upfront in my covering letter about my reasons for the 'step down' and want to work part time)... the application form did not ask about my previous sickness, but i know that i will get asked this at interview....... of course i need to be honest, but do you think when i tell them i have had time off due to stress they will think twice about employing me?????, especially as once i work part time the stress will be alliviated.

 

i am not depressed, i have been there years ago.... this is different, this is stress and some lifestyle changes (ie new job, less hours) will change that.... do you think a new employeer would understand this? i don't really want to go back to the dr again as i don't want them to give me antidepresents, again been there, done that, many years ago.... they helped, but i was depressed, this is so different.

 

the other thing in all this is my husband and i are trying for a baby, this is our 9 month trying..... since april i have been saying to husband i am unhappy at work, but we have stuck at it in the hope that i may fall pregnant. Alas, that has not happened. we are not willing to put trying for a baby on hold, especially as it seems to be taking a while (it feels that way anyway - i have eratic cycles etc...) but you bet it would be our luck that i get a new job and then fall pregnant - of course we would be elated, but then i worry if i fell pregnant as soon as i started a new job that they would have grounds to not continue the probabtionary period.... would this be the case? - assuming all my work etc was fine?..... i am not a deceptive person, but i will not be attending job interviews and telling them we are trying for a baby (is that really bad?????????) ... its a minefield.....

 

all i really know is i can't stay fulltime where i am now....... yet part time may be more managable...... sometimes family and sanity is more important than any job...

 

sorry this is very disjointed and a bit of a moan..... any advice / words of encouragement for tommorow would be great.

 

thanks

 

Dawn

[Inge]

so much .. so obviously still stressed or worried... and undecided..

 

Doctors certificates - my GP gives one from the date on the last if needed... if the same issue is still causing a problem so long as we go back he will continue form date on last.. so even if yours is running out tomorrow and you feel you need to have more time you can still go and see him tomorrow... and discuss a phase back to work.. that is if you decide you need it.

 

stress is one sure way to prevent pregnancy - so you really do need to sort it out if this is what you want.

 

These days they are not allowed to ask about previous illness or time off until they have offered a job.. so no need to worry about that side until you have had an offer.. then it has to be a reason so that you are not deemed suitable... no need to disclose about any plans of pregnancy.. when it happens is soon enough..

 

I still think all along you know what is best for you and your family, just need to make the decision and follow through..

[Guest]

Thanks Inge,

 

guess i just needed some reassurance..... Hubby is out and mind going overtime LOL...... I am not normally a 'stressy' person, so lord knows what is happening to me at the moment.

 

I need to go back as i need to 'prove' to myself that it is as 'bad' as i remembered. that way in my mind i will not feel like i have made a rash decision, even if in the end i do make a rash decision (did that make sense??????????) - i guess leaving with no job to go to would be a rash decision, but maybe the right one...... hey hum!!!!!

 

too many thoughts.... no sleep for me tonight, :-(

[Cait]

I hope you DO manage some. I'm very impressed with your decision to return in spite of all your anxieties.

 

Have you got your Rescue Remedy bottle to hand?

 

P.S. We'll all be thinking about you

Edited September 27, 2011 by Cait

[Inge]

you probably wont read this until after going back today... but I do understand the reason for returning to 'just check ' if it is the same as you remember... very brave of you to do that.... not sure I could, although I am hoping that the worries are not as big as you remember...

 

it may take a few days back to get the feel of things and make that decision... I too will be thinking of you today.. let us know how it goes... if you feel the need do PM me always willing to listen if it helps..

 

good luck

[Susan]

Hope you had a good day, Dawn.