meridian Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Hi everyone, Has anyone had a child with an attachment disorder in the setting and how and what were the 'signs'? I have a child who has been with us for nearly a year and although was very 'hands on' (not unusual for a 2 year old age and stage development) has now settled well and appears to have made a good relationship with his key person. He will follow the routine. If for example his key person asks him to do something he will follow her instruction. he is beginning to role play and will put three words together. What concerns me is that in the home he is aggressive to his main carer and to his family members (grandparents,. cousins etc) but we see very little of this type of behaviour in the setting. Mum is extremely negative with him - have seen this at first hand during home visit and praises his cousin 'what a good boy he is etc' (in front of him) the cousin also attends our setting, which makes it very difficult for the staff. Now mum came in to say that she has taken him to the doctor who having seen how he behaved with mum, referred to paediatrician. Child again kicks off in paed office (in there an hour!) and she has 'suggested' child may have some form of autism. we don't feel there is an issue, but who are we to say! I am thinking that this child has an attachment disorder..not sure if i'm barking up the wrong tree, but it's just a strong feeling. It is really difficult when, as an experienced practitioner, I start doubting my professional knowledge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Hi, didn't want to read and run. This sort of thing is quite common - in a more diluted form - we often hear parents saying how awful their children are and asking 'why does he only behave with you? and things like that. But your example seems a lot more bizarre, I wonder if she hasn't bonded with him as well as your team have? There's also the adage that if she expects him to be awful, he will be - whereas you expect him to be good, so he is. If he hasn't got autism they will find this out hopefully, and just maybe they may get to the root of the problem. Don't doubt yourself - easy to say, I know. Keep providing the stable, loving environment he is obviously enjoying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 There are many reasons why this little boy could be behaving in this way which include autism, parenting styles and possibly attachment disorder. I'm sure that the paediatrician won't be jumping to any conclusions quickly. Many many children with autism keep their difficulties under wraps outside the home and use other intelligences to work out what behaviours are expected of them so that they can blend in with their peers. At home with parents is where they express their anxiety and frustrations. I would urge you not to suggest attachment disorder to the parents. It was suggested to me that my daughter had an attachment disorder by a psychologist before she was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I know several other parents who have experienced this too and we have all found is very distressing. For this child to have an attachment disorder something needs to have gone very badly wrong with his early attachment relationships and this has to be far far more than just a negative parenting style. I would just keep doing everything you can to support this family and lead by example in terms of praising him to her. It will probably take a long time before any form of diagnosis is forthcoming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Hi I have numerous children like that It seems to be the norm with children these days. They walk out the door where they have been good all morning, to their mothers and turn into this demon child. I'm beginning to think that the discipline at home is more the problem. all children do go through a stage of hitting but parents used to be able to stop it or the child grew out of it, but now days more child do the hitting at parents and don't seem to grow out of it or stop it. I know i have had the same conversation with at least 4/5 parents in the last couple of weeks. The strange thing is that they all ask me does their child it at pre-school??????? and seem very surprised when I say that its more than heir life's worth to do it with the staff!!!!! Can you imagine if children started hitting staff members!! I know occasionaly you do get one thats a hitter but very rarely do they hit staff. Also it seems that parents want their child label as "autistic" or "ADHD" just so there is a reason why they can't control their child. Sorry for the spouting off but I seem to have had a week of incable parents!!!!!! Hey ho roll on next week :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Also it seems that parents want their child label as "autistic" or "ADHD" just so there is a reason why they can't control their child. That's a very sweeping and judgemental statement and one which I find personally rather offensive. I'd be happy to give you a long detailed description of the trials and tribulations I have been through and am still going through to get appropriate provision for my daughters one of whom has a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome and the other is being assessed. School staff who fail to see their symptoms and make judgements about my parenting skills have made it a great deal harder than it needed to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meridian Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Thanks for your comments here. I am keeping an open mind about this little chap. Like you say, we are giving him the positive attention and stimulation in the setting, he now comes 12 hours per week and since then we have noticed an improvement in his behaviour. The main thing which concerns me is mum's negativity. Even when we reassure her that his behaviour is nothing out of ordinary, she says do you think my child is 'normal' then? Is it normal for him to pinch and hit me and other family members? I have even encouraged her to be a 'fly on the wall' and observe her son from a distance and she was surprised when he was sharing etc. Some of her comments i.e. that her son had broken her nose (and then on another occasion said that she'd done it at work) do somewhat alarm me...why would she do that?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Why would she do that indeed. I guess there's a fair bit for a paed/CAMHS to unravel here. I just hope that someone sees fit to share the outcome with you so that you can best target your support for this family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meridian Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Yes it is a real complex one this. Luckily, I've got family action going into the home soon so hopefully they will offer mum some support, because she is desperate for it. I really do feel for her. One thing that she has shared is that if she praises him for doing something positive, he doesn't like it at all. He shows no affection for his mum, yet when his key person left the other day, he cried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Poor mum! I think if you looked into autistic spectrum disorders, PDDNOS, PDA you might start to see some of what the paed is picking up on. I hope someone finds a way to help them soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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