Bullying

[SmileyPR]

How do you deal with bullying in a Reception classroom? E.g. calling names (caca, poo), excusing self-behaviour saying the child doesn't like the other's child face, leaving the victim out of group games, telling others to go to another table when the victim approaches, etc.

[SmileyPR]

Well, asked this because some time I had the situation that one child was rejecting another one and I spoke with him, about how would he feel if someone else would reject him the way he was doing with his classmate. He seemed to understand, but kept on and has influenced others to do the same and I recently noticed the above. I have spoken with his mum and she said they (including his dad) would have a talk with him. Today we had a special activity at school and children were waiting turns for a bouncing castle. There was a group of 3 children waiting (from other classes) and another group of 3 from my class, including the J. When H. came, I told him he could unite with his classmates (4 children were aloud at the same time).... but J said, 'Oh, H. You can go with the other group).' If A. would have arrived, J would have immediately asked him to unite his group. So, in a subtle way, you see what happens. I told J that H would unite our class group.

 

Hasn't anyone else had something similar?

Edited June 5, 2010 by SmileyPR

[HoneyPancakes]

Ouch...what an awful situation, and you haven't had any responses yet. I'm a childminder, not teacher but I have had some bullying in my setting when I was a newbie . I found it gut wrenching and wish I had a bit more ammo in my anti-bullying armory then. I have had 7 YRec in the last 3 years so have a little experience with the age group and I am also a parent helper in my own Rec child's class.

 

What I hope I would do is to use a multi-pronged approach.

 

1. Make all children aware of what good behaviour is. eg 'We're all kind to all our friends at school' and 'You can't say, you can't play'

2. When bullying behaviour is observed, ask the children if they think their behaviour is good and kind, and if they say it is, set them straight.

3. Praise every bit of good behaviour you observe and set up situations where praise might be earned. Maybe set a small task with the two children together so that you can say ''Wow, you've done a great together taking that bit of rubbish to the bin'

4. Give the set-upon child every bit of confidence building attention you can and teach them how to be safe.

 

and 5. the best piece of advice anyone every gave me -' it always pays to lower your expectations'. Children can be nasty bits of horribleness and most of them learn to get on in society eventually.

 

Hope a real teacher comes along soon to give you a deeper answer, and I hope they've grown up over the break.

 

Fe

[SmileyPR]

Thanks for your tips!

 

I have done #1 and #2, first part of #3, #4 and can understand that #5 is true, but it hurts to see that this situation is becoming bigger and spreading within the other boys towards H.

 

In my 24 years of teaching (8 in Reception), I had never seen something so strong as this. That's my concern

Edited June 5, 2010 by SmileyPR

[HoneyPancakes]

Well, asked this because some time I had the situation that one child was rejecting another one and I spoke with him, about how would he feel if someone else would reject him the way he was doing with his classmate. He seemed to understand, but kept on and has influenced others to do the same and I recently noticed the above. I have spoken with his mum and she said they (including his dad) would have a talk with him. Today we had a special activity at school and children were waiting turns for a bouncing castle. There was a group of 3 children waiting (from other classes) and another group of 3 from my class, including the J. When H. came, I told him he could unite with his classmates (4 children were aloud at the same time).... but J said, 'Oh, H. You can go with the other group).' If A. would have arrived, J would have immediately asked him to unite his group. So, in a subtle way, you see what happens. I told J that H would unite our class group.

 

Hasn't anyone else had something similar?

 

 

You sound really upset by this behaviour. When I had a situation which was not dissimilar, I was so upset I tried to stop childminding altogether and gave notice to all parents. And when I did my DHC I used the situation as a case study. That was nearly 3 years ago now and I still have the child with the non-including behaviour. All but one family asked me to carry on. The boys have sorted themselves into quite tidy social groupings which becomes more inclusive when a football is added.

 

I gave Mr Non-inclusive lots of responsibility, and I noticed that school made him Student Representative which really worked, even though it would really go against the grain to be seen to be supporting a bully, that might just work

 

Good luck,

 

Fe

[SmileyPR]

Oh, boy... I don't understand well what you want to tell me... maybe it is because it is 0:40am (Sunday) and I should be sleeping. I am filling in end of the year reports (we finish now in June) and my mind is 'empty' Do you mean to give J. responsibilities? (this is the child who bullies H.) Wouldn't it make him feel more important than the rest, even more over H., if I would give J. more responsibilities than the rest of the group.? I do praise him for all the good things, so he can focus on doing what is good instead. Each one of the children has one responsibility per week, changing them every Monday. I am all confused. Please forgive me. Okay?

 

PD: I better go to sleep now Thanks again for all your kind help.

Edited June 5, 2010 by SmileyPR

[Guest eck1975]

Oh dear, that's a very difficult situation. I would keep a note of when you observe/overhear J making these comments.

 

I haven't had this situation in my class, but I have had a parent (of child A) constantly complaining that child B is bullying child A. Myself, my morning TA and afternoon TA all observed the children at different parts of the day and could not see any evidence of this. Child B is a bit bossy, but they are friends and often work together. I asked the lunchtime staff to observe child A and see who she plays with over a week, she played with child B every day. We all made notes on our observations of the children and I think (hope!) parent A now believes that child B is not bullying her child.

 

Despite not finding any evidence of the bullying, we focussed on good behaviour and being friends in Circle Time sessions, for example we have a persona doll 'Jemima' who sometimes comes to visit. She came to visit and was very upset because this sort of thing had been happening at her school, we then had a discussion about how you would feel if .... what you would do if ... what the right thing to do if you heard someone say ... What you would do if you saw someone with no-one to play with, How you show you are a good friend, what you like to do with your friends etc etc. We did this over 2-3 different Circle Time sessions. You could do this, splitting the class so that J is in one group and H is in the other.

 

Maybe you could spend a bit of time 1:1 with J, either with a teddy or animal - the toy could be feeling really, really sad and upset, but he won't tell you what's the matter. You could then get J to ask the toy questions to find out why he's so sad. The toy could whisper his answers to you and you could speak for it, telling J that he is upset because e.g. someone has been calling him caca, saying he doesn't like his face etc. You could try this just for short 5-10min sessions, 2-3 times, and then in the final session the toy could ask J what he should do. You might then have a course of action, depending on what J says.

 

Do they have any common interests? e.g. Dinosaurs or transformers? Could you set up a collaborative task, where they have to work together (with an adult closely monitoring them) on something they are both interested in, like making a dinosaur model?

 

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted.

[SmileyPR]

Hi eck1975! Thanks for your sharing your personal experience and ideas.

 

Their common interest is building with blocks or with Clicks. I like the idea of the toy/puppet, although J would probably say that I am the one speaking throughout it . You should hear what he speaks about to others, like telling them that he saw a man pulling a woman's trousers down in a magazine. I wonder what goes around at home... too much adult information given to small children. Anyway, I am going to try it out.

 

The class children have also mentioned they like the Tweenies and I know someone who has one chapter about being friendly to others. I will ask her if she still has it and can use it as part of other related activities to this situation. My next weeks of the end of the school year are around the Holiday topic, including visiting other countries. So we could talk about the richness of our differences and that we also have many things in common, even when we have shared about this throughout the year.

 

Again, thanks a million for your insight.

[Guest]

I appreciate that this situation sounds complex and difficult, and I have had a similar situation myself as I too have been teaching for 20+ years. I would do things to reinforce the whole class/ group identity- our class, our freinds our bookcorner etc- the use of the word "our" in my experience makes the children more aware that they have a responsibility to each other also. Ask the other children who are not directly involved to talk about friends in the class- in a large group circle time- and maybve steer the conversation to how people feel when they are left out- it can be quite surprising how much other children will have observed and how strongly they feel about the injustice. They may then offer to play with the child who is being left out and this will give him/her the confidence to move onto another group. It also shows the bullying children that other people do like and enjoy this child's commpany and thuis takes away their power over excluding them from activities.

Don't know if this is of any help- goog lluck.

[Guest]

Sounds like an awful situation! I would take steps to focus on the children who are following J's ways by leaving H out. Do some circle time with them without J or H present, ask them how they feel about being left out themselves, talk about what behaviour might upset someone and how we can behave kindly to someone else and not leave people out.

 

Then try to set up some activities with H and these boys but without J there (obviously not in a way that make J feel left out, just try to have him working in another adult initiated group at the same time so he can't join in). Work with the group H is in to show them how to work together nicely and not leave anyone out. Prise all instances you see of them being nice to H and when the task is finished try to get some of the boys to become absorbed in another project such as building something.

 

When they are playing nicely and J is released from his group observe carefully. Does he go straight to try and interfer with the play? How do the other children react? How does H react? (is he passive or does he stick up for himself?) If necessary intervene then and there to stop J from breaking up the play and pushing H out or being nasty to him. Hopefully this will send a message to the other children that it isn't acceptable behaviour and if this activity is repeated they may gradually accept H into their group and stop following J.

 

The problem is of course that bullies often want to feel a sense of power and this takes the powere away from J as he will hopefully no longer be able to influence his friends as much. On the other hand you want him to try and have 'good' power, hence why people have suggested giving him more responsibility (although I have to admit that this would go against the grain with me as well and I don't know if I could bring myself to do it). Keep in mind that the aim isn't to push J out of his friendship group, you need to use the activities I've mentioned above in combination with all the ones focussing on J's behaviour and getting this to change.

 

Let us know how you get on and what worked for you!

[Susan]

Smiley, what a difficult situation. My recent experience of this level of victimisation was from a child who had severe EBD. Lots of PSE activities with the others helped them cope. However, the situation was different but I think you may need to get a more whole school approach and support to help both children. I know your school situation and support may be different but I think you need to take this to your line manager.

[JacquieL]

What a difficult situation for everyone and lots of good suggestions so far to deal with it. Consistency is a key to changing behaviour and as Susan has said this is a whole school issue. I think you need to be extra vigilant over everything that happens with this group of children, with lots of positive behaviour management, and organising some activities to mix up the various groups so that different children are playing/working together. Find things they cannot do unless they co-operate with someone else. Whenever something happens which is not acceptable behaviour then have zero tolerance of that behaviour, but deal with the situation calmly, firmly, fairly and model what should have happened. Ensure all children are treated with respect, including the ringleader. Changing behaviour is very time consuming but that effort needs to be made to put a new habit in place for everyone's sake. Make sure any adults the children come into contact with know what the strategy for these children is, and that they follow it consistently so there is no room for manoeuvre. Everyone needs to be on board.

I think the bully needs some support and I wonder why he is behaving in this way? He wasn't born a bully but does this for some sense of gratification, and attention perhaps. He is very young and a victim of his own behaviour, so he needs adult help and support to change, to raise his self-esteem, and be rewarded for good things. At this young age he is unlikely to reflect on what he is doing in any meaningful way. The last thing he needs is the label 'bully' as labels stick. I think this is why he needs to be given something positive to make himself feel important. Something like putting all the names out each day and counting that they are all there (so he checks his victim is there also) or giving something out. You will know what fits your setting. Giving him some positive support will let him know that he is liked as a person (even when you may feel the opposite sometimes). Little things like giving him a quick 'thumbs up' if you see him doing something well, can be effective and take a second to do.

[SmileyPR]

Wow! Thanks everyone!

 

I have summarized your suggestions and searched for some other things via Internet. There is so much to read!

 

Anti-bulling

 

Peacemaking Rules (children proposals)

• We are all kind to each other (words and actions)

• Praise kind behaviour (especially inclusion)

• You say, “You can play”

• Tell the teacher who is being a peacemaker/encourager

• Ask each other if their behaviour is good and kind

 

Anti-bulling activities:

• Tweenies video: Being nice

• Friendship puppet (racoon)

o Racoon comes sad to school because s/he is being left out and people call him/her names or that they don’t like how they look

o How do people feel when they are left out or when they see that other people are being left out?

o What could be done to solve the problem? Children offer good behaviour choices

• Multicultural activities - richness of differences and amazement of our similarities

• Reinforce whole class/group identity (our class, our book corner, our school)

• Find common interests and give each one the chance to lead and/or work it out together

• Group activities where they need to co-operate with each other to succeed

• Change groups, mix groups

• Give opportunities for the one bullied to show his qualities and strengths

• Leave the bully out of ‘his’ group, if he keeps bulling, and put him to help others

• Calm, fair, firm, consistent Zero-tolerance

• Inform all staff members

• "Be Kind" poem

o BE KIND

 

Be kind to others,

take a good look around,

although we are different,

similarities abound.

 

Try not to judge, pick on, or tease,

treat each other fairly,

with kindness and ease.

 

Wait until you know

what’s deep down inside,

you might find a friend

standing right by your side.

 

Patricia Gatto ©2004

 

Reading:

• Bulling in Kindergarten
  
• Bulling among young children
  

[Susan]

Good Luck, smiley! Sounds like your next few weeks are going to be extra busy!!!

[JacquieL]

I particularly like the Australian booklet for parents in your link. There is also advice on Kidscape

http://www.kidscape.org.uk/

[SmileyPR]

I particularly like the Australian booklet for parents in your link. There is also advice on Kidscape

http://www.kidscape.org.uk/

 

Thanks ! I just downloaded some files. If I don't get to read all of this information for now, at least I can slowly read it during the summer holiday .