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Emotional Child


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We have a very emotional child in our group very highly strung. she is nearly 4 and an only child.

 

we started off with problems of her bitting, she would loose her temper very easily and then bite herself and then as she got older she started to bite the nearest child after several failed attempts to stop the bitting using behaviour managment techniques we found getting her to scream her frustration rather than bite was about the most effective alternative, basicly getting her to vocalise her anger rather than take it out on others with her teeth and with the exception of the odd relapse, screaming seems to be working very effectivly to help her release her anger (but it can be a bit annoying to the ears!) we are now working on the volume.

 

now that we seem to have turned a corner with that problem another seems to have occured - more recently we appear to have had a change in the group dynamics three older children seem to have built a strong friendship they are more mature and play more complex games and she constantly wants to be in the centre of their play to the point of spoiling the play and she cannt accept that sometimes the children dont want to play with her, she very emotional and it doesnt seem to matter how we explain things to her or what we say she gets upset over anything where she is told "no". We are constantly having to console her as she gets upset so easily even when members of staff say "no" to her over minor things such as waiting turns we are also aware that if she gets too upset she may lashout and bite someone.

 

i feel like Im missing something, nothing we say seems to sink in and minutes after thinking we have resolved an issue she will be in tears again because someone has said no to her and she is convinced they dont want to be her friend. this is more than just wanting everything her own way. are there any activities or books that we could be looking at to help her understand that no doesnt mean rejection

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In 'You and Me, Little Bear', Little Bear is asking Big Bear to play but Big Bear has jobs to do. When the jobs are done they have fun together. I don't think Big Bear actually says no but the message is 'we can't do what you want now but we can still have fun and do what you want later'.

 

Might that help?

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What do her parents say? It is curious that she has been to accept not to bite as long as she can scream. So there seems to be some understanding. Does she say why and or what makes her angry? What things bring her joy? We had a little girl in the youngest group who would do the same, but she was 3 years old. Another girl was quite kind with her and somehow, that friendship helped her a lot. She still had her moments, now and then, but they were a lot less than at the beginning. Positive modelling and reinforcement were effective as well. The fact that her mum just took things too easily did not help at all and the girl must have felt so confused between doing whatever she wanted at home, but not being to do so at school.

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I dont know if this will help or not, but we have been seeing a professional about how do deal with my sons behaviour. He can get over emotional when he hears something he does not like.

 

We were advised to say "Thats not really a good idea right now because ........, why don't we .........."

 

We were told not to use the word no as it seems to trigger it all off and the only word he hears is no and doesnt hear the reasoning behind it.

 

It has helped us a lot. We were told to always suggest an alternative, be it helping us with something or sitting down to play etc.

 

He doesn't always agree with us but it has certainly helped.

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Hi i was always lead to belive that the word no should not be used in a setting , we normally say oh thats not very nice,or that's not the sort things we like in our school . The child will then be eXplain why then divert child from that area suggest what him/her would like to do with me or other staff children it always works .

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Guest jane707

I try to say 'yes, you can do that, but first we need to...' whatever and hope they forget when they are distracted LOl!

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thanks for the suggestions it helps having others peoples perspective

her mum says she is the same at home takes everything to heart and bursts in to tears of the the smallest of things

 

I think she excepted the screaming rather than biting because it was just replacing one habit for another, where as this problem is trying to get her to understand other peoples needs and choices maybe different but "no" doesnt mean rejection talking the situation thru doesnt seem to sink in, so we wanted some stories or activities to help explain

 

I will observe the way we speak to the child and try different ways to avoid using the word "no"

but its catch 22 we have no control over the way her peers talk to her which is causing the biggest problem

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thanks for the suggestions it helps having others peoples perspective

her mum says she is the same at home takes everything to heart and bursts in to tears of the the smallest of things

 

I think she excepted the screaming rather than biting because it was just replacing one habit for another, where as this problem is trying to get her to understand other peoples needs and choices maybe different but "no" doesnt mean rejection talking the situation thru doesnt seem to sink in, so we wanted some stories or activities to help explain

 

I will observe the way we speak to the child and try different ways to avoid using the word "no"

but its catch 22 we have no control over the way her peers talk to her which is causing the biggest problem

 

 

have you checked that there have been no changing circumstances at home (immediate or extended family included). If she displays similar behaviour at home 'bursting into tears' perhaps there are some emotional issues that need to be addressed. Would she benefit from some one to one support, this graduallt building up to inviting children to play, and then to her approaching children in play. Sometimes children do not know how to approach and join in, so we would model the language and offer the emotional support, praising them and encouraging them, we would also support them in understanding that some children may say no, and how we can deal with that.

 

have you montiored what happens before these incidents take place, if there are any particular triggers.

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