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Hi

 

I am having a problem with a child, the child is 4 years old, so know what they are doing, the child is very aware of everything and very on the ball.

 

They have a behaviour issue, always hitting throwing things, if they dont get there own way. Will be playing very nicely with someone, then within a split second will have turned and be hurting the other child.

 

The problem is they are 4years old and very strong, the child is hurting adults and children, to the point even the adults have bruises and bite marks. We are working with early years, but to be honest the child is leaving to go to school in august, so little they can do in this time.

 

Another parent has now complained about the child, as he has bitten her son and was very bad, broke skin. Mum wants a meeting and i dont blame her, but wants to know why this other child is still in the nursery. Really dont know what to do, the ther child has be aske to leave other nurseries before, and i feel this may be part of the problem, noone wants the child, so the child never gets consistant help. I dont want to ban the child, that will push them bck further, but what can i say to this parent complaining, they are in same age group so cant split them up, plus they get on very well, when they do!

 

Plus we dont have a biting policy, which is maybe why i am so stuck, do you have one, what would you do in this situlation.

 

Thanks

 

Ice

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Biting has been mentioned many times on the forum, so it may be worth a search to find out what others have said in the past. We have had 2 or 3 children, mainly boys, who have bitten in the past, in much the same circumstances as you suggest. One boy was later diagnosed Aspergers and the other whilst not given a full diagnosis has brain damage from birth.

 

At the time the biting incidents were happening they were between 3 and 4 years old and we found we had to become the physical barrier between the children, so these boys had an adult at all times - difficult I know, but that was the only way we could ensure that another child was not hurt if we wanted to keep these boys in the nursery. The boy with the brain damage it was suggested had no idea what he was doing, or that he was causing pain, he enjoyed the sensation, so he was given something to bite down on!

 

The boy with Aspergers it did work having a member of staff, who was able to keep the situation around him calm and if he did get frustrated she could help him work it through and heap praise on him for not biting or lashing out.

 

The third child has been very recent. He is a bright 4 year old who came to us last September. He had had no real play with children of his own age, he has teenage parents, and teenage friends! Nothing he said to the other children could they relate to and so he found it very hard and he did lash out and bite, we just constantly seemed to be sitting him out and talking to parents each day about incidents which had happened, it became very tiring for all concerned. Then oddly, it all just stopped. He does still have occasional anger management difficulties but no where near what they had been. He began to relate better to his peers, but only plays with the girls.

 

Don't know if any of this helps - but in conclusion we found it had to come from the adults - we had to pull together as a team and find a way to keep the boys one to one all the time. It is late for you now, but you can apply for funding for an extra member of staff to allow you to do this if your staffing numbers are not adequate enough.

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What do his parents say?

 

 

To be honest mum just says 'it upsets me so much'

 

We had a meeting with her and she just said he never does this at home, he is an angel.

 

Well he has been doing this since he was in the 1-2 room at another nursery, she said. so he must have shown this behaviour at home at some point in the last 3 years!!

 

The thing is im worried about what to say to other parents are saying and really dont know what to say to them, without breaking confidentlity. they know who is biting and hitting there child, becasue they are old enough to say. but what do you say to parents, can you say you are working with early years and his parents, or is that admitting that is is that child, who they know it is. But by saying that you have broken confidentlity.

 

ahhhh

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The thing is im worried about what to say to other parents are saying and really dont know what to say to them, without breaking confidentlity. they know who is biting and hitting there child, becasue they are old enough to say. but what do you say to parents, can you say you are working with early years and his parents, or is that admitting that is is that child, who they know it is. But by saying that you have broken confidentlity.

 

ahhhh

 

 

Obviously the other parents are talking about the incidents - that is inevitable, so you should be able to show that you are doing all that you can to prevent the incidents.

 

Should an incident happen I am sure you could say to the parent that you are doing all that you can and tell them what you are doing to prevent incidents you don't have to mention any names and you wont be admitting it is any one child, just that you are dealing with any situation as well as you can and with as much help as you can muster, hopefully, this parent will then spread the word to the others that although it went wrong this particular time for their child, the nursery is doing all that it can to prevent further incidents by taking the following actions a,b,c. Your parents must learn to have compassion as we do for a child who clearly is struggling to make sense of growing up, but with everyone's help and understanding we can do our best for this child.

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