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Very Young Children Bereaved


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Hi

I can't say too much other than we have a 2yr old who has suddenly and unexpectedly lost a parent in the most tragic circumstances.

 

I have read on other posts about a story of Badger but I gather that this really tells the story of death being a 'release' from suffering.

 

Any help, advice or stories for a 2yr old who has lost a perfectly fit, healthy young parent :oxD:(

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Hi Geraldine, how sad for the little boy and his family - I know when I had a looked after child I went on a huge search for different books and the local library "town" based had some really wonderful books - that I had never seen before - some were for older children though There is also an author called Tod Par who has written books on how families are different gender, sole parents etc - he is mainly in the US and I have ordered books from US on certain topics. Dot :o

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So sorry to hear of this tragic news. I'm sorry I don't know of any publications but here is a link to Winston's Wish site for bereaved children, maybe they can help you find wha you are looking for.

Routine and 'normality' will, as I'm sure you know, help this child at this time.

 

My heartfelt sympathy to this young mums family, and a virtual hug for you too.

 

Winstons' Wish

 

Peggy

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Geraldine, what a sad time for the child and the rest of the family, and for you. Small children, in my opinion, let you know what they need and the only thing I would advise is to take your lead from the child. mrsW.x

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sorry I cannt help but just wanted to say I hope you manage to find the words to support this young child

 

we had a sudden death a few years ago and the child didnt understand the perminance of death and was convinced mum was coming back on their birthday it was so difficult to keep it together while talking to the child (as I lost my own grand dad the same week) and unfortunately dont think I offered much help it was hard to know what to say

 

do you know how it has been explained to the child? it makes easier is at least you know what the child has been told

 

 

there was a discussion a while ago when several books where suggest

 

hope you find something suitable

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Hi Geraldine

 

So sorry to hear such sad news at your setting. I have had two tragic deaths of parents over the past few years

and the best way we have approached, is to speak to the child's family members and friends who may be rallying round at

this very difficult time. I would always be led by family than rely on books and topic material which may not be age

appropriate for such a little one! Thinking of you.

 

dottyp

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Hi Geraldine - dottyp again!

 

I just thought my other piece of advise through experience is to keep everything as 'normal' as possible at your setting.

There is bound to be lots of emotions running high at home which may result in a very unsettled' environement for the

little one. It will be comforting for them to realise they can still come into your setting and be welcomed by

familiar friendly faces who are readily available for a hug and a smile.

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I just this week bought a book called A Mummy for Owen - the true story of a rhino who is adopted by a turtle after his own mother died in the Tsunami in Eastern Kenya in 2004. The pictures are gorgeous and really show Owen's sadness when he realises his mummy is lost and will not be coming home - but also the hope and joy of finding someone to love him. Here's the link to Amazon - but I found my copy in Smiths.

 

However the one question I had was whether the book appeared to suggest that the turtle was taking the place of mummy and that threfore all was right in the world - but that might just be me being a tad oversensitive.

 

I feel so sorry for this little mite - so difficult at this age to know how much they understand about what is happening but there can be no doubt that such a tragedy at such a young age will have turned his/her world completely upside down and they must be completely bewildered. As Peggy says routine and normality will be important in getting this family through the next few days, and months - and there's nothing like having a 2 year old in the family to keep you going.

 

I hope you are all able to access whatever support you all need in order to play your part in supporting this family - life is very cruel isn't it?

 

Love to you all,

Maz

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It will be comforting for them to realise they can still come into your setting and be welcomed by

familiar friendly faces who are readily available for a hug and a smile.

 

Dottyp - that is so lovely - sometimes we get wrapped up in thinking about extra things we need to provide - and sometimes that familiar face and a hug like you have said will go far further.........................Dot

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Geraldine, what a sad time for the child and the rest of the family, and for you. Small children, in my opinion, let you know what they need and the only thing I would advise is to take your lead from the child. mrsW.x

 

My son was 4 (I was pregnant with my daughter ) when his father died suddenly and would like to second this advice.

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Hi there,

I began a thread last year when the mother of a 3 year old at my setting was given two months to live. The advice and support given was immensely helpful and enabled me and my colleagues to be thinking ahead when talking to the bereaved dad and grandmother. If you look on SEN Bereaved children you will find it if you have not already done so.

 

Today, we had dad and grandma in to talk about the child's progress for over an hour. She is very matter of fact about it and whilst we have had one or two bouts of tears I would go along with what others have said about children accepting such finalities with amazing strength.

 

Faced with Mother's Day this week, we asked dad's thoughts as to whether he wished us to make a gift for her mother. He thought it was a good idea and when I suggested a memory box for the future, said he would like to consider this. (The Winston's Wish site has been very helpful). We have set up a file of various websites. Tomorrow we have invited him to bring her dog - a puppy- into nursery.

 

For such young children the notion that the parent will never be back is beyond them, I think at this stage. As everyone says, normality at the setting is the most important thing for them. As others have also said, it is a difficult and emotional time for you and your colleagues - don't forget to make time to support one another.

 

Best wishes,

 

Lesley :o

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Be prepared for the strangest of questions in the middle of something totally unrelated-its those moments that catch you out. We had the sudden and tragic death of a young mum in the summer so can understand your desire to support this child. Like others have said-normality, understanding, find out from family what child has been told for those catch you out moments, make it known to the family you are there to support in what ever way you can in helping the child

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How sad, my heart goes out to everyone involved and those affected by trying to help and support them.

 

Look after yourself Geraldine, keep the routine going for the little one involved and, as Biccy so rightly says, be prepared for strange questions at the oddest times. (My daughter chose to ask me about heaven, funerals etc in the car, in the fast lane, as we drove home the morning her Grandpa died :o )

 

The best piece of advice I was given was to be honest, if you don't know the answer say so and say you'll find out, and if you're upset it's ok to show that, too - it helps the child understand that it affects others.

 

Nona

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we also had a little girl who lost her dad through an accident - upon her return to us mum spoke about how she had told her that daddy was now a star watching over them both. we spoke and gave mum ahug. the girl was fine during sessions she would suddenly say something like"my daddys a star now-he watches me" or "i sleep in mummys bed now cos daddys dead" - it was so matter of fact i dont know how much she really understood - she once said to me "i went to sleep at nannys and when i came home daddy was dead" - i think it helped that mum had family supported her greatly and as asked of us we would chat to her about daddy as and when she wanted - but we found this wasnt very often - we gave mum lots of hugs and support at the same time

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Just to say thank you again for all your brilliant messages of support.

Yesterday I think I was reeling from the utter shock and disbelief of the tragic situation :o

I think perhaps that within all of us there is an innate quality that suddenly makes us want to 'do more' in such circumstances when actually what this little child needs is a little bit of 'normality' with us.

 

Amazing what a difference 24 hours makes - I saw the child's other parent today and we had a long chat which was hugely beneficial for us both. The child is now continually asking where the deceased parent is and we are now able to give them an 'agreed reply' that has been arranged with the family.

 

I know we are at the beginning of a long road but today things are a little brighter and there were a few smiles (amidst the tears) in the conversation I had today.

 

Many, many thanks again to you all on here and those 'in' my pm box.

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Isn't this forum great that we can support each other in these situations despite the distances and vitual nature of our relationships. I'm so pleased we were able to support you at this difficult time.

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