Guest Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Hello everyone. After watching the first 3 parts of the Boys and Girls Alone series, I have been desperate to talk to someone about it! My brother seems to be incapable of actually holding a proper conversation about it and thinks that the programme is hilarious. He doesn't understand why ther has been such an uproar about it, and I'm putting this down to the fact that he doesn't know a lot, (or anything to be honest) about children. So I thought where better to come, than here! I just wanted to see what everyone else thought about it? The first time I heard of this programme, I presumed the children would be more my age (around 16-18 ) and was absolutely horrified that they though putting twenty 8 - 11 year olds in two villages was good idea! But what do you al lthink about it? BlueBelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Not seen it - what channel is it on? Oh DUH!! channel 4! silly me - what time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Not seen it - what channel is it on? Oh DUH!! channel 4! silly me - what time? You've pretty much missed it all now - just one episode left on Tuesday I think? Channel 4 Catch Up - Boys and Girls Alone If you click that link you can watch them online. I feel quite mixed about the programme. There is some blatant bullying going on, and I really don't understand how the parents can sit back and watch their children bully/be bullied like that. I'd like to know what the reasoning is behing the programme as well. Of course all children think a world without grownups would be fantastic - I definately know my brother would love not to have mum and dad nagging him about doing his homework and cleaning his fish out - but in the real world this would never happen? I'd understand a lot more if the programme was following a group of 18 year olds who had moved out, because it is actually possible for an 18 year old to move out and survive on their own. I have actually been meaning to start a thread about this since it was mentioned in another thread by janny1960 but never got around to it. There have been good points to it though. A lot of the boys have come a long way. A fair few of them have gained confidence by standing up to the bigger boys, and they've all realised they depend on their parents a lot more than they realised. Hopefully they'll come away from this experience realising that can't do as much as they thought they could. And who knows.. they might even learn to cook! The girls have pulled themselves together and are working as a team. They even had some nice things to say about Lorna/Laura (Can't remember name) and admitted that they had treated her badly. But as will all tv programmes like this, I do wonder how much of it is put on for the cameras. But I guess we'll never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacquieL Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I watched the first programme and was horrified. Whatever the programme makers say, as far as I am concerned experimenting with young children in this way is unethical. These children had to have their parents consent, as they are under the age of being responsible for making their own choices. I wonder what the motivation was for this involvement? Some children begged to go home and their parents said 'No'. What message does that give to those children? It smacks of emotional abuse to me. The whole thing should have been stopped before they started filming. It will be interesting to see what happens to these children in the future. Let's hope they all survive the experience in the long term. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Some children begged to go home and their parents said 'No'. What message does that give to those children? It smacks of emotional abuse to me. Doesn't it also teach them that they can't just quit when something happens in life that they don't like? Although I do appreciate that this isn't actually "real life" but for the purposes of the programme is it. BlueBelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Were they 'naughty' children (and I use the term loosely, knowing that there is no such thing, ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Were they 'naughty' children (and I use the term loosely, knowing that there is no such thing, ) No - Just "normal" children who wanted to live without their parents! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Oh so it was their idea in the first place? Hmm Interesting change of words on your image there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Interesting change of words on your image there Huh? Am I being thick? I don't understand haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacquieL Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 In real life no-one would leave a child of this age to fend for itself. They hadn't made a real choice to join in, their parents made that for them. There was nothing for them to give up on, as I hope we would not advocate primary children living on their own without adult care, love and support. The whole situation is false and just another Big Brother type experiment. Social Services would soon be down on a family who left children alone at this age, and it would be covered under Child Safeguarding procedures as neglect. The children would get support to live appropriately with their families, or be taken into care. I read that there was a team of people, including child psychologists, ready to intervene if things got out of hand- so how 'real' is this programme and what is it's purpose? They obviously recognised that there could be serious problems so what is the motivation for this experiment? It seems very 'Lord of the Flies' to me. Contrast this to what happens to adults with learning disabilities who also need care and protection. They would receive training in how to take care of themselves, plan, shop, and health and hygiene. They would be assessed as to whether they would be able to live alone or with others, and if so matched to someone they could get on with. If they didn't other arrangements would be made. They would have round the clock supervision as well. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_...icle5728744.ece Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Absolutely Jacquie! Having not seen the programme I can't really comment - but reading everyone's posts has me horrified! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 They hadn't made a real choice to join in, their parents made that for them. But surely their parents didn't force them into it? The children would have wanted to do it too. BlueBelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacquieL Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I'm sure the children did want to do it and it sounded absolutely wonderful to them. No adults, do what they like, eat what and when they like, go to bed when they like etc. I'm equally sure that children would not understand the full implications of what they were choosing to do, so they didn't make an informed choice, and they have been exploited to make entertainment. Some of these children were only 8 years old. "Melanie Gill, a child forensic psychologist, who asked Cornwall social services to investigate, said the programme could cause psychological damage to the participants. “There is deliberate torment by adults of children in obvious distress,” she said. “By exposing these scenes to millions of viewers, the programme-makers are publicly humiliating these children (and their parents) for their failure to cope with what amounts to an abnormal, perverse and cruel money-making peep show.” Michelle Elliott, a child psychologist and founder of the anti-bullying charity Kidscape, said: “If you put children together, unsupervised, as sure as day follows night, there will be bullying... How much worse will it be for them to know they have been bullied in front of the whole nation?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I've watched all episodes so far, initially to see how bad it was as discussed on the 'Wright Stuff', from what they were saying I thought surely they can't allow this to happen. The programme doesn't go out live so the children had already experienced the situation whether it was 'aired' or not. To me the children have come through chaos to self imposed order. I think they have learnt some valuable lessons about themselves, each other and their relationships with their parents. I can see your point JackieL about being seen by 'millions of viewers' but the way I've seen it the bullies have recognised the results of their behaviour and made amends with their 'victims', no humiliation there in fact I think they have shown 'humility'. An 8 year old learnt that standing up for what he believed in succeeded, the wrongful treatment of a friend, he learnt that his convictions were strong enough to be listened to and his friend was then looked after by the child who tried to ignore his needs (for food). I have seen adults intervene when necessary, so to say they are unsupervised isn't true, what is happening though is that they are being given much more opportunity to think for themselves, to problem solve and learn to work together as teams. I have watched the programmes with my 12 and 14 yr old Foster sons ( who have been through real neglect and emotional abuse), we have had really good conversations about how they think the children feel, what they would have done in various situations etc. In fact I think that using the term 'abuse' in this context actually belittles the word, knowing what I know my boys have been through. I actually applauded the parent who's son wanted to 'give up and go home', he appeared to me to try to control his mum through 'guilt', not his fault he's learnt to manipulate, his mother admitted she did everything for him and that he needed to learn to do things for himself. I think there is a lot to learn from this programme, just like Dr Tanya Byron learns from the children and parents who live in her 'House of Tiny Tearaways', at least these children didn't start with any labels. I have mentioned this programme in another post ( sorry can't remeber which one) in it I said that I wouldn't be surprised if students use this programme when studying gender differences. I'm not saying I think this is the best way to 'study' children but I don't think it is as harmful as the 'experts' are saying, I think all the children will look back on this experience as a significant part of their life, an experience for the few, I think quite a few of them may even form lifelong friendships from this shared experience. I hope that they all come out of it with positive learning and that if it has been difficult for some that they will have gained some strength of character to get through it. I was bought up to 'get on with it' my siblings and I looked after ourselves and each other, mum & dad were always working 24/7, yes, sometimes I felt they didn't care, but deep down I knew they did, and that they were always there should I really need them, I'm sure these children know that too. Peggy Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 An 8 year old learnt that standing up for what he believed in succeeded, the wrongful treatment of a friend, he learnt that his convictions were strong enough to be listened to and his friend was then looked after by the child who tried to ignore his needs (for food). Wasn't this just the most brilliant thing ever. And I honestly think a lot of people watching that would be inspired by him. I know I certainly was. I just wanted to give him the biggest hug ever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I've watched all episodes so far, initially to see how bad it was as discussed on the 'Wright Stuff', from what they were saying I thought surely they can't allow this to happen. I didn't start watching it on the telly - I only started watching it after a conversation at work about the programme. One girl had read all these things in the paper and I thought I have to watch this because that just can't be true. Newspapers have exaggerated how bad things have been. One boy tried to stab another with a knife, when in fact he picked up a butter knife and waved it at the other boy across the room. etc etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I didn't start watching it on the telly - I only started watching it after a conversation at work about the programme.One girl had read all these things in the paper and I thought I have to watch this because that just can't be true. Newspapers have exaggerated how bad things have been. One boy tried to stab another with a knife, when in fact he picked up a butter knife and waved it at the other boy across the room. etc etc. and a male cameraman challenged him about his 'threatening' behaviour. He also learnt that his behaviour didn't do him any favours as his peers lost any respect they may have had for him. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I only watched the first episode and was appalled. Children of their age can all learn the same lessons described under the guiding influence of their parents. Claire x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliamch Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I can't give an opinion on this show as I've chosen not to watch it, as I simply don't agree with parents putting their young children into such a grotesque situation. No matter how much my child wanted to take part in this experiment I would have refused. Yes the children may have learnt important life lessons but none that they couldn't have learnt in the real world in real situations. It only takes a split second to inflict harm and adult supervision is no guarantee for preventing this. Would I want to take even the slighest risk of my child being emotionally or physically scarred by being put in this unrealistic situation, no, definately not. In real life you cannot control what may or may happen but it's real life not a false, contrived, isolated situation that I choose to deposit my child into. I feel the same about that programme Baby Borrowers, what right-minded parent would allow a teenage couple, unknown to them, to care for their babies and young children for several days? I appreciate these programmes are regarded as informative social experiments but they are ones I could easily live without. Sorry, rant over. Karrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacquieL Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I can understand what you are saying Peggy, and that there have been some positive outcomes for some of those children. As I said before it will be interesting to see what the future holds, but I don't think that putting children in this situation is ethical. They should not be experimenting with young children in this way. At the end of the day it has been done to provide voyeuristic entertainment. I agree with aliamch that there are other, much better ways, for children to learn about themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I've just had a thought, there are many children in this world who live like this, orphans of the streets, who don't have cameramen or parents in a side room there for them. They have to survive or die, and this is of course not right. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that this particular programme, in my mind, is not as evil or bad as the media has portrayed. I believe that if adults enable children to find the positives of every experience they have, to learn from their mistakes, to learn from others, and to value what they do have compared to other children in this world, then these children should not be harmed from this experience, and could actually develop survival skills that they would not have otherwise had the opportunity to. I think they may even be asking their parents to teach them things lik how to cook, how to budget, the true value of money. As the programme has developed I do think that the children have shown that we as adults do sometimes actually underestimate childrens abilities to cope with many situations and that adults (including the Nanny State) maybe need to stand back a bit more and enable and empower children to be more self resilient. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.