Deb Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 Hi Getting myself in a bit of tiz and could do with a good talking to, so I knew where to come! I can see that my stress levels have been rising with one thing and another, a silly situation at work seems to have tipped the balance, and I am now feeling so stressed that I need to do something about the symptoms. I am very cross with myself for getting upset about the situation. Usually if a senior member of staff needs cover, they either swop with their equivalent level of seniority or ask the next person down the organizational line to cover for them and everybody else moves up to the next level of responsibility too. This will happen on one day, but on another, one of the senior members of staff has asked my colleague below me to take her position for the day, when I will be working anyway. Now there is no problem with quaification levels as we are the same and everybody has input on the running of morning anyway. I can understand somebody wanting an opportunity to experience leading the group but I feel there has been no regard for my feelings at all. This nearly happened a while ago, and I half voiced my feelings but the need didn't arise in the end. I feel petty and horrible for feeling this way but nontheless I do. I am in a lose lose situation if I were to voice my feelings, how petty will I look but for the sake of my health I feel I have to at least express them. I could speak to another senior member of staff. I am hoping you guys can help me get some perspective back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wellerkaren Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 It is not good for you when you feel like this/ I would just explaine how you are feeling, no one can argue with the wa in which you feel. I hope it all works out for you and a big hug is coming to you from me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 Hi Deb, Sorry you're feeling so stressed about the situation - I can see where you're coming from and have been in a similar situation myself. You are right to consider you should have been asked - however, maybe they thought that as you were working anyway it may have been inappropriate? I know what you mean about voicing your feelings - perhaps you could remark that you would have been happy to do it, suggesting folk remember that next time? Don't know if that's any help? Have a hug, anyway Sue x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 I think we have all been in the same situation in some form or another and it is horrible but who is really getting hurt here..... They may not be aware of how you are feeling and maybe giving them the benefit of the doubt they may not have done this if they realisied how you would feel. However there are a few people in mangement positions who lack the human touch sometimes and for your own sanity you have to rise above it. See it as their loss. Good luck, lifes too short Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 Hi Deb: sorry you're feeling so stressed about all this. These are the sorts of issues that can really make or break a team - and I think Sue's light touch is probably a good way to approach this. Have you worked out what you feel about this situation? Why do you feel so hurt? Sometimes naming your emotions can really help to make you feel better about how and why you feel the way you do, and enable you to decide what to do about it. So you could say something like "when she [name action], I felt [name emotion] and in future I would prefer it if [state what you would like to happen next time]". Even if you only say it to yourself in your head it can be quite empowering - but if the sentence you end up with makes you realise you're making a mountain out of a molehill then you might decide just to forget it and move on. However if the sentence you end up with makes you realise that your feelings are completely justified and that you have been treated unfairly, then it does need to be tackled Is there one senior person you could confide in? Or are there times during staff meetings when you can raise issues that affect the team in a non-threatening, non-accusatory way? There is no doubt that you're feeling hurt by what has been done, and if people aren't aware of how this sort of thing affects morale and self-esteem of some of the team then they need to be enlightened. Otherwise it will happen again and again and if you let each instance go unremarked then your resentment and hurt will just build and build until you will either make yourself ill or you'll explode! Don't be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do: as Karen says they are your feelings and no-one can argue with them. What you decide to do about it is up to you though: only you can make sure you don't go through this sort of experience again. Just read this again - this isn't meant to sound harsh but I've been in similar situations to you before and I've let them go until I felt really downtrodden. It was only when someone made me look at things in a different way that I began to realise I hold the key to the way I'm treated by others. Take care Deb - hope the virtual hugs are helping! Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 you do need to get this off your chest- Maz is right- it could happen again and again. Why not start off by saying that you are a bit confused about what the arrangements/ procedures are for cover because "I had always thought that....but the other day x covered when I was here also..etc.etc " you don't need to be confrontational, as it could boil down to a message not being passed on, but it will register that you have noted the situation and are not happy about it. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 Sound advice from Maz, Deb you can't let it make you unwell, you need to express how you feel, think I have been there too before, very awkward situation. Good luck, let us know how it goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted October 13, 2008 Author Share Posted October 13, 2008 Thanks very much for your replies. I was able to drop into the conversation today with colleagues (although not the senior member of staff) how I was 'confused' and (tired and overemotional). Colleagues were supportive and kind, felt it might be a misunderstanding (though I have my doubts because I tried to clarify that point the first time it nearly happened). However, I have at least had the opportunity to say how I felt, and will wait and see what happens. Thanks for listening! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Pleased we have been able to help - if it happens again, you now have some ideas - here's hoping it won't! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Thanks for listening! That's what we're here for! Good to hear you saw an opportunity to mention it and took it with both hands. And if it should happen again, you'll feel a bit more confident to deal with it because you had a positive outcome this time! Well done Deb - I hope you feel better about things now. Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 ahh lets hope it dosnt happen again - well done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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