Being Supervisor Is A Lonely Job..

[tess]

Hi - feeling a bit down. How do the rest of you cope with managing / being supervisors - I really hate the loneliness of the job sometimes.

 

I am in a small committee run pre-school and don't get me wrong I love my job its fantastic. I'm working hard trying to get everything in place and doing my FD .

 

Recently a new member of staff joined (she is a parent NVQ2 etc and the committee employed her) and since then the team dynamics have changed. My deputy came round for a meeting today and I have found out all the staff are doing the race for life together and have been socialising lots - I now feel pants and totally isolated. I have been trying so hard to ensure they all communicate, share info - but obviously no point they are fab at this!!!! .

 

It can be so lonely being supervisor- I have learnt the hard way you cannot be too friendly with other staff ( I did once but then she took advantage and didn't turn up quite as often as she should!**!) - now I am friendly and pleasant - but try not to cross the work home divide. I thought I was doing OK, but actually really hurt that I'm not seen as part of there team and asked to participate

 

Any advice

[beth1]

Oh dear I have only been a preschool manager for a couple of week so I can answer the question. I am sure that someone will offer you support soon.

 

 

Beth

[Inge]

Could be that the staff have picked up 'in not crossing the home work divide' and feel that you would not want to join them, or that they don't feel able to ask you to.

 

i too am part of a small setting 5 at present but has been more and they all socialise outside but when they do something they feel i would be interested in always seem to know when to include me, and in fact include me in what they have been doing outside work, i always seem to know who went where at the weekend or is due to go somewhere, but in their case it also includes past members of staff and occasionally parents so is part of a bigger picture. Joining them at Lunch time chat does wonders.

 

i really don't know how it came about this way, i do join them occasionally and at our regular staff outings, and have often suggested going out when I felt i wanted to or felt that I needed to and always find most will join me.

 

There is a line between being friendly and too friendly.. I still have my authority at work even now when I no longer supervise them!!

 

How to get there is a mystery to me, probably all comes down to personality and how we all deal with each other, in another group it may not happen the same way..

 

that said I have worked in one group where as a member of staff I was excluded form everything!! But hey i did end up their supervisor!!

Just had my own life outside which was so totally different that they found it hard to understand.

 

I would probably ask why I was not asked to join them for something like race for life, but that may not be the way you feel you could deal with it.

 

Inge

[Marion]

I work in a primary school and would just like to back up what Inge says.

My previous head socialised with all of us outside of school we have even had weekends away as a group but that familiarity never transferred into school life for some reason. It was just as if once we stepped through the door he became a different person in our eyes. My current head doesn't socialise with most of the staff and finds it very difficult inside school to join in. I'm not sure what the answer is but perhaps you could organise a "team building" social event just to show you are willing to have another side outside of work?

[tess]

It's really hard isn't it - I go along when invited christmas meal and we all went for lunch at the end of half term.

 

However we don't get lunch breaks as we finish at 1.30 and have to leave the hall immediatley - so reading the chatting forum is interesting..

 

On the other side of things - my deputy keeps moaning when I am not around they don't respect her and don't listen - possibly they see her differently. maybe I will have to be grateful that they repsect my authority.

[Guest]

Oh Tess (())

 

Yes it can be a lonely job!! I think | would feel awful too, if I had not been invited! But perhaps they just thought you would be too busy to join them??

 

Could you not instigate a trip or night out?

 

jx

[Guest]

Hi there

 

Again I have only been in my role for a couple of months but out of 4 staff there are 2 joint supervisors. Although we all get on well we do not regularly socialise so cannot talk from a work point of view.

 

However, like many others I have made most of my friends through children joining pre-school, friends of school friends parents etc etc and I can honestly say that sometimes if you are not in the right place at the right time you are just not included. Since becoming joint supervisor and not having time to hang about after school I feel I have been excluded from lots of the activities that have been going on.

 

Yes, sometimes it does hurt but the way I look at it is that 1) They can't be very good friends to begin with to forget and 2) Family comes first and finally 3) Think of all the money you are saving!

 

I do think that some people can have an issue with the person in charge but if they respect you that must be a good thing.

 

I would just quizzically ask them about the race for life, there's nothing to lose there, they might invite you along if you show interest.

[Guest MaryEMac]

I am a supervisor of a playgroup and there are 5 staff altogether. I don't socialise with the other staff apart from Chrisrtmas meals etc because I suppose I am that much older than them. My children are grown up and I could be their mum ( frightening thought). We get on really well as a team but I have my own friends and interests. It's also good to talk about the different things that we have been up to. Perhaps it's an age thing.

 

Mary

[Guest]

When I was a volunteer I felt left out by the other staff - I was neither a parent or staff member but in a sort of limbo area. I didn't get invited to christmas meal etc. which I found really hurtful. I have no experience as a supervisor in preschool but I did run my own business for 15 years before I had my youngest children and the 6 staff I employed had a meal fund where they used to save so much a week and then go out for a meal together. I was never invited or included in this. Sometimes I think it is a bit of a 'them and us' issue - whatever job you work in.

 

Sally

[Beau]

Poor you Tess - it really isn't nice to feel left out! However, as the others have said, perhaps unwittingly you are giving off a more 'aloof' vibe in your desire to keep things on a professional footing. It is really up to you to manage how you do this. Either you continue along the same line and make a definite divide between work and home, or you decide that you can manage to socialise outside work but keep things on a professional footing when it comes to work matters. It can be done if you make it clear that what happens out of work and in work are completely separate. Good luck.

[Guest]

HI, this forum is becoming addictive, ofsted out yesterday and when i didn't think things could get much worse my back is stabbed at work by my business partner. She was pre-school leader from when i started as play assistant, i had qualification and she was working towards nvq 3.I was named as deputy and work rolled along well until committee had to be dissolved as wasn't running to constitution. My husband was treasurer on committee and he suggested we take it on as partnership. Thats when things started going wrong, my partner expected things to carry on as they were, i wasn't prepared for things to stay as they were as there were areas that i knew wasn't being done and as my name was on ofsted paper i wasn't prepared for my name to be dragged down. To cut a long story short, partner made it obvious she wasn't happy with the way i was working and made nasty sarcastic comments when at work.i also know she was unprofessional in discussing it with other members of staff. I challenged her about it and we had a few words and i told her i wanted to sell my share. We discussed it with a school mediator and although things never got back to how they were we muddled on. Until today, she discussed that we hadn't been paid for 5 weeks in the room with staff in and then asked another one to inform me why hadn't i chased fees owing from last week when we hadn't been paid for 5 weeks. The parents handed me some money on friday when ofsted had just left and wasn't in frame of mind to challenge them about it and as ofsted was also in yesterday when parents came again and i was in another room. On top of this she talks to me like a peace of dirt in front of staff and throws aprons on floor as 4 children had came out of room with wet tops. Long and short of it is that i think i am at point i want out. She is emmigrating to Australia soon and i have offered to buy her out, but way things are the damage has already been done with staff not respecting me,as they still see her as play-leader and me as deputy. I am asking opinion as to whether to wait it out until she gone and implement changes or call it day now and move on and dissolve or sell my share to outside interest. Sorry its so long but i had to let it out. HELP!!!!!!!

[hali]

oh dear tess thats sad, have you tried doing some evenings or lunches out i do that as supervisor and it works well

[Guest]

Hi again,

that last post must have sounded as if it was my responsibility to pay wages i am not responsible for wages or how money is spent, i just collect fees and partner does wages at end of week. I go along with what money we have as profit or not and reason we didn't have wages for last 5 weeks was due to her not putting pro-rata aside for staff wages during easter and we had to forgoe wages for theirs and then fundin not gone in bank yet, has anyone had their nursery education funding yet?

[Guest]

Oh alchross things do sound rocky.

 

I know it may be tough but if I were you I would stick it out if you know that she is leaving. Believe me things are very different when the driving force of all this unrest has left.

 

Where I work the supervisor who was employed before me was in place she was very sour and surly and the parents didn't like her and neither did the children as it was obvious she was so unhappy. However once she left it was like a completely fresh start and all the ill feeling went away. She wasn't nice to us staff either, making me work extra hours when she knew my children had sports day etc etc.

 

I stuck to my role as I thought why should I move on when this is my village pre-school, she wasn't from the local area. It all worked out fine in the end she was just incredibly unhappy in post and should have moved on long before she did.

 

Don't lose out just because of her. You may find that the staff sympathise with you and they too may be looking forward to her emigration.

[Guest]

thank you for that Shelley,

i have calmed down a bit from earlier and i had just got in from work and jumped on here to vent my despair as hubby fed up of hearing it and sorry you lot got brunt of it. I know that i need to carry on regardless, i have given the pre-school 7 years of my life and before we became partners brought it from a 24 place setting to 40 by moving to bigger premises and aquiring the room the out of school was in so we could have more children, space and garden to ourselves.

This forum is fantastic, as its great to be able to take advice from professionals in the same sector who can relate to each other, what a wonderful relief and it is sooo addictive.

[Guest]

HI, this forum is becoming addictive, ofsted out yesterday and when i didn't think things could get much worse my back is stabbed at work by my business partner. She was pre-school leader from when i started as play assistant, i had qualification and she was working towards nvq 3.I was named as deputy and work rolled along well until committee had to be dissolved as wasn't running to constitution. My husband was treasurer on committee and he suggested we take it on as partnership. Thats when things started going wrong, my partner expected things to carry on as they were, i wasn't prepared for things to stay as they were as there were areas that i knew wasn't being done and as my name was on ofsted paper i wasn't prepared for my name to be dragged down. To cut a long story short, partner made it obvious she wasn't happy with the way i was working and made nasty sarcastic comments when at work.i also know she was unprofessional in discussing it with other members of staff. I challenged her about it and we had a few words and i told her i wanted to sell my share. We discussed it with a school mediator and although things never got back to how they were we muddled on. Until today, she discussed that we hadn't been paid for 5 weeks in the room with staff in and then asked another one to inform me why hadn't i chased fees owing from last week when we hadn't been paid for 5 weeks. The parents handed me some money on friday when ofsted had just left and wasn't in frame of mind to challenge them about it and as ofsted was also in yesterday when parents came again and i was in another room. On top of this she talks to me like a peace of dirt in front of staff and throws aprons on floor as 4 children had came out of room with wet tops. Long and short of it is that i think i am at point i want out. She is emmigrating to Australia soon and i have offered to buy her out, but way things are the damage has already been done with staff not respecting me,as they still see her as play-leader and me as deputy. I am asking opinion as to whether to wait it out until she gone and implement changes or call it day now and move on and dissolve or sell my share to outside interest. Sorry its so long but i had to let it out. HELP!!!!!!!

so sorry of your dilemma, but i think as your partner is leaving she is trying to dish the dirt on you. stick with it and rise above anything that has gone on previous. what was your feedback from ofsted? it might be hard and take time but from a NEGATIVE issue there will always be a POSITIVE i have had such a negative approach from my landlord and area senco that they had better watch out for my POSITIVE approach . all the best n keep your chin up!!!

[HappyMaz]

Sometimes you just need to vent your spleen, alchross! I'm glad you're feeling better about things now.

 

It sounds to me like you need to get some legal advice - which you'll need if you are to buy her out anyway. I am a little concerned about what you said about leaving all the money stuff to her. As the owner of my group I am the first and only person to go without pay if necessary - but I know my own financial situation and the buck stops with me. Are you sure she is handling the financial side efficiently? Do you know what debts the group has, if any? I don't want to panic you in any way but she does sound to me like a woman under pressure - and you don't want to find out when its too late that your group is in jeopardy.

 

Either way I think you need to have a serious conversation with her about how she has been behaving - her conduct has been most unprofessional and this is endangering the reputation of you and your group. You might like to get an impartial third party to help keep things professional - but if it were me I would want to get this sorted as soon as possible.

 

Good luck - I hope things get better soon!

 

Maz

[Guest]

alchross, I just wanted to say see if you can stick it out - things do often get better. I was in a similar situation, although my other half was only on management committee (volunteers). Other half stayed on when my children left the setting as no-one else would do it. Over the years he made special arrangements to help out some staff aho had personal issues and family crises. Then my manager left, deputy was promoted and deputy's job came up. I put myself forward and all staff had opportunity to do so too. However, they all realised they would have to do a lot more for the title and didn't go for it. I was interviewed by management committee, but not other half, who declared an interest and stepped out. I was appointed and the rest of the staff took it very badly.

 

I had lots of trouble over the issue and they accused my other half of nepotism to anyone who would listen. Now three years on they have all left, we have new, fantastic staff who are more enthusiastic and hard working than the old ones all put together and everything is going well (did I just jinx it !!!??). It was awful at the time and although I knew everything was above board and we have learnt some lessons from it I did consider quitting many times over, as did my other half. But it does get better.

[Guest]

Thank you all for your helpful words,

Good morning to you all,

i have muddled over this half the night and usually my personality leads me to calm down and try and go along with things to keep the peace. This morning, i am angry and upset but can see clearly now that issues do need to be addressed. Not too happy about it as she can really put preassure on other staff to see it her way as she discusses issues with staff and i do not as deem it unprofessional, and as their loyalty lies with her because they only hear issues from her and not me, they tend to take sides which leaves me much on my own. I tend to take the quiet and unreserved approach and take on board what is said to me but very rarely do i stick up for myself and tend to look at it from her side rather than stick to my guns, but with your advice i can do this and am even thinking about management training as up to now my only protojoy is my business partner and doesn't even bear thinking of that she is someone i can aspire to.

Wish me luck for a better day and better outcomes.

Everyone have a lovely day

xx

[hali]

hope today goes well - take care

[Guest]

Well yesterday went a lot better after venting my feelings to business partner. She wasn't at all pleased that i confronted her about her conduct but after asking her how she would feel if i treated her like that she not so much aplogised but agreed she wouldn't like it and replied that she would probably had a go back there and then. In my opinion when the children are in it is not the time or place and as i had to leave and collect son from school, i could not discuss it after work.I did however in the morning before children came in for breakfast club. That is the best i can hope for from her but i let her know although i am usually non confrontational i will stand my ground if needs be, and for me to say what is on my mind i have got to point of no return and will let her know that it is not acceptable. Her way of apology was to go to McDonalds and buy me a coffee and breakfast. Some people can not say sorry, not a strength i believe more a weakness which is opposite to how i am. I will apologise if in wrong and have no problem with putting hand up and admitting when wrong.

 

Well her case officer for emmigration to Australia has been in touch and asked for hubbys payslips and she thinks it won't be long now.

 

Now the icky part, discussing how much to buy her share and she was under impression that although we do not have partnership agreement she could sell her share to whoever she wants. I have looked this up and spoke to solicitor who states that partnership act outlines law for business who do not have agreement in place to protect business partners from ill acts and states that first offer has to go to existing partner. does anyone have any idea what the going rate is for a 40 place pre-school with equipment or should i let it go through solicitors and accoutant?

Hope you all had a great day and a better on tomorrow!

Thank you all for your advice and support, you are gems.x

[HappyMaz]

does anyone have any idea what the going rate is for a 40 place pre-school with equipment or should i let it go through solicitors and accoutant?

I would strongly advise that you get an accountant as soon as you can, and that you get the accounts up to date as quickly as possible. Since this is your partner's job you'll need to 'project manage' to make sure it gets done on time. The price you'd pay is not based on the number of children you have, but rather the profit you make, value of assets etc (always remembering that you own half the assets and half the profits already!).

 

Your accountant will try and value the business for the smallest figure possible - and hers will try to value it as highly as possible. Then you'll have to negotiate what seems fair between you. Ultimately I would say you are in a strong position to bargain - especially if she is expecting to emigrate quickly. It will be much easier for her to sell to you - no advertising and minimum outlay in terms of the legalities. Whereas if you can't agree a price for you to buy her share of the business, she'll have to get proper, audited accounts done for her share of the business, advertise, get a solicitor etc. All very tricky with a 'sitting tenant' in the form of a business partner!

 

Good luck - I would be keeping notes of conversations you have, and put everything to your partner re the sale of the business in writing. That way there can be no confusion/misinterpretation.

 

Maz

[Guest]

Thank you all for your helpful words,

Good morning to you all,

i have muddled over this half the night and usually my personality leads me to calm down and try and go along with things to keep the peace. This morning, i am angry and upset but can see clearly now that issues do need to be addressed. Not too happy about it as she can really put preassure on other staff to see it her way as she discusses issues with staff and i do not as deem it unprofessional, and as their loyalty lies with her because they only hear issues from her and not me, they tend to take sides which leaves me much on my own. I tend to take the quiet and unreserved approach and take on board what is said to me but very rarely do i stick up for myself and tend to look at it from her side rather than stick to my guns, but with your advice i can do this and am even thinking about management training as up to now my only protojoy is my business partner and doesn't even bear thinking of that she is someone i can aspire to.

Wish me luck for a better day and better outcomes.

Everyone have a lovely day

xx

Hiya

After reading your post im a little muddled, surely if your solicitor says she has to give you first offer of buying her out before selling to anyone else, then you have to do the same? but you talk of cutting your losses and selling to an outside interest. I think you should address this with both your partner and your solicitor!

[Guest]

Hiya

After reading your post im a little muddled, surely if your solicitor says she has to give you first offer of buying her out before selling to anyone else, then you have to do the same? but you talk of cutting your losses and selling to an outside interest. I think you should address this with both your partner and your solicitor!

Hi

Partner does not want my share that is why she is selling hers as she is emmigrating to Australia, i know there is an outside interested party who would be interested in either share or both, that is what i am in dilema about.

Partner said she will leave in July when we break up for 6 weeks hols and will not be returning in September whether she has emmigrated or not, what makes it worse is she is my next door neighbour and when issues do arise again it will be more intimidating.

Have mixed feelings about the whole thing, partner has not shown me all paper work and have a lot to sort out but do need to find who my development worker is as we haven´t seen one for almost a year.

The other thing about buying her out is i will have to replace her as numbers will be down for staff ratio and not sure she realises that the profits are not as high as she thinks.

Thank you for your help. I am emailing this from majorca as on holiday and still can´t switch off from work, how sad is that

All have a good day.xxxx