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Some Advice Needed Re Toileting


skippy
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Hi we have a child who is 3.5 yrs old and is still wetting herself and looks at us very blankly when this happens. I am concerned that she has no sensation of needing to go or going. Mum has been to H/V had urine tested but all OK and gave mum no additional support. I am just wondering if anyone could suggest anything. As a baby she wore a brace due to clicking hips.Don't know if there may be a link. Mum is becoming very disheartened and frustrated as she has tried chart, new toilet seat/potty etc. Any advice would be greatly received. I have said perhaps a chat with the Doctor would be helpful but she said her GP doesn't have any compassion?!? Thanks guys.

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No magic answers, just that maybe mum needs to know she is doing all the things that she should be, and if she isn't just take her daughter to the loo at regular interviews, as matter of fact as possible, with no pressure on her to perform.

Maybe if she gives herself a few months to 'chill out', let natural development take it's course, in other words, give herself permission to put this on the back burner, to not make an issue of it. Yes, the girl is slighltly delayed compared to some, but definately not unique in not being 'dry' at this age.

Encourage mum to focus on her daughters talents, what she is good at. It's difficult not to appear 'dismissive' of her concerns but at the same time to put them into perspective. If there is a 'medical' reason for the delay, not identifying this for just a few months won't hurt, but if the concern continues after this time then the 'medical' profession may be more open to investigating the reasons when her daughter is nearer 4 yrs old, and ready to start school.

So sad to hear that doctor is not approachable. Just encourage mum to keep an open dialogue with her HV.

 

Peggy

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I think they both need to chill and relax. Let the child wear trainer pants/ nappies and not worry for a bit. It is easy to get caught in toilet training cycle but if she isnt ready, she isnt ready and those charts etc wont do anything other than cause frustration all round. With the pressure off, hopefully something will click!

Good luck.

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I've got a child who will be starting in my class in September who is still wearing nappies and doesn't appear to know when she is wet. If you find an answer please let me know xD my TA has just announced she's pregnant so I could well be on my own with a class of 30 :o

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ok, well 4 is a slightly different matter, but only just!! I'd just ensure she is reminded to try for the loo every half an hour or so...........a bit of a chore, but it just might make her realise her bladder is full.She's still not unusual though, to be wetting at this age, so i still say to chill about it.As for the child in nappies, I'd get her/him out of them and into pants and ditto what i said about the original child.Sometimes, it just needs that brave step to help the child realise they can use the loo!!

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Hi,

 

A couple of years ago we had a little girl who regularly wet herself and didn't seem to notice and she was a similar age to your little one. Ours had had a lazy eye and had the glasses with a patch from the time the child was 2. Some well meaning :o consultant had told mum that the little girl needed to be engaged in activities to use her eye whilst the patch was on for 6 hours a day - games, puzzles, construction etc. - and mum took him at his word and dutifully did it. By the time she started at playgroup at 3 years old she was capable of sitting for the whole 2 1/2 hours doing adult activities but struggled to make any friendships with her peers. Mum was overly anxious about the wetting, even though we tried to assure her that it wasn't important, and for a while it became quite an obsession. However, once mum eventually relaxed about it and decided it wasn't an issue the wetting stopped.

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Nappies these days are very absorbent, children don't know they are wet ,

one of our mums put pants on the child under the nappy so she was aware that she was wet. worked for her, but not for another child who tried it...but Removing the nappy and letting her feel when she was wet did help.

 

Inge

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sometimes this has helped with some of the three year olds who have still had some difficulty. You need to look at the toilet, explain what its for, encourage child to notice others using it, and allow them to flush it and say what happens then, Request they try to make sure the wee wee now goes into the toilet and not on their clothes, No mention of anything if they don't manage it. then I don't make too much of it the, just a reminder to try the loo as we are trying to manage to make sure we have dry clothes. this has worked well for most, but I am sure there will be one that comes along where it doesn't work'

It is very easy to assume children know about toilets when in fact they can be scary things that make a dreadful sound and they need to be introduced to them. Sometimes mum's miss out this direct teaching

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  • 1 month later...

I'm the mum of a 3 and a half year old who is just seeming to come out of this stage. Up to very recently he would go on the potty when we said it was time, and even wee and poo in it, but if left too long, or if he had drunk a lot or whatever reason, he would just wee or poo in his underpants and not seem to mind or even tell us sometimes. He never asked to go to the toilet at all. We just kept reminding him often and cleaning up any messes. He now seems to be recognising signals and sometimes asks for the toilet himself. It was just natural development - when he was ready - nothing we could teach him. So I echo what has already been suggested, get her to go to the toilet regularly and wait - if next year she is no nearer to being dry then look into other medical reasons.

 

Best of luck,

 

Lynne

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi there

 

We also have a wee problem with a girl of 3.75. She originally moved into our room wearing natural nappies which were to be changed every two hours. Mum is also very keen that we use old carrier bags for the wet clothes etc. that we send home. She has been 'out' of nappies now for about five months, but sometimes goes nearly all day dry say until 3.20pm, then wets two or three times before hometime. On other occasions she will have twelve 'accidents' in a day! She was diagnosed with an infection and treated, about two months ago. She really seems not to realise she has wet herself. We make no comment when we notice she is wet and she undresses and dresses herself, but mum is really upset. She talks about it non stop to anyone who will listen.

 

My next thought was to suggest putting it all on the back burner and perhaps using a pull up for a while. I think there is a lot of pressure on her (not to mention us!!!).

 

Lesley :o

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When mums get anxious about an aspect of a child's behaviour that anxiety can be transmitted to the children albeit unwittingly, and the very behaviour that is concerning them can actually become entrenched. Its such a difficult area.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi,

Just found this old post and wondered if any one could offer any advice. I have a child in my reception class who constantly wets herself. She is 4 years 10 months. When she is wet she doesn't tell anyone so she ends up staying wet until she goes home. We always send her as often as we can (play, lunch etc) but are never sure if she actually goes or just hangs around in the cubicle! Her parents have even put up Dora the Explore posters in one cubicle to encourage her. Any advice would be greatfully recieved. Thanks.

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Hi,

Just found this old post and wondered if any one could offer any advice. I have a child in my reception class who constantly wets herself. She is 4 years 10 months. When she is wet she doesn't tell anyone so she ends up staying wet until she goes home. We always send her as often as we can (play, lunch etc) but are never sure if she actually goes or just hangs around in the cubicle! Her parents have even put up Dora the Explore posters in one cubicle to encourage her. Any advice would be greatfully recieved. Thanks.

 

Hi Bethie,

 

Have the parents said if this is a problem at home too or just at school?

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