The Middle Wife

[Guest]

A friend E-mailed me this - just thought I would share it with you all

 

The "Middle Wife" by an Anonymous Year 1 teacher

 

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own Year 1 classroom a few years back.

 

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

 

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

 

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

 

"First, Mum and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mum's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

 

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

 

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mum starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

 

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mum to lie down in bed like this." (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

 

"And then, pop! My Mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

 

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe'. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mum's play-centre, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."

 

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

[beth1]

 

Beth

[Helen]

Brilliant!

[Guest]

Oh, can't type - - giggling too much!!!

[Guest]

Fantastic!!!

[Guest]

absolutly marvellous.What a beautiful rendition of motherhood. it just go to show children how much children understand

[Guest]

Out of the mouth of babes - they tell it like it is. Cheered me up anyway

Nikki

[Marion]

Wonderful

[Guest]

ahhh how lovely,

[Verona]

Ah - how wonderful.

A cam corder is never there when it's needed is it?

 

Sue J

[belle06]

That had me in stitches have even passed the laptop round the family to have a read and usually they do not get near it when i am on the forum!!

[Guest]

Hmm not sure I actually believe this story! Anyone else feel the same?

[Guest]

Yes.

[Guest]

It is funny anyway, we had a 3 year old who had witnessed an emergency birth of her brother with only her and her mum present, she spent months giving birth to dolly's and it was quite a graphic commentary everytime!!

[Tigger]

Sounds like my story when I had my son!! I am sure it was how my daughter would have described it!

[aliamch]

After the Rugrats movie came out my eldest, who was four at the time, went around for months give birth to all manner of things!

Karrie