Guest Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 We have a child who attends our 3 year old group who displays extrememely challenging behaviour. He attends nursery for 4 full days ( 8 - 6pm) and appears to enjoy attention whether positive or negative in fact seeming to prefer the negative. He always rushes to tell mum the things he has done. He tends to hit out at other children (mostly when parents arrive to coect them) he slams doors,moves the furniture and tends to singleout the most vulnerable children to the point f terrifying them. We have tried to ignore all negative attention, seeing to injured child and tring not to react. The staff found this very difficult as in a nursery situation they feel it necessary to challenge times like this. We have tried time out (with adult beside him) but this ends up worsening the situation as he bangs his chair, swears and threatens to hit the staff member nearest to him. Mum has been spoken to on numerous occasions and she to tends to 'attention seek' a great deal. We have observed that his behaviour worsens as the day goes by and do appreciate that he gets tired and wants to go home hence his reaction to others being collected. Today he pushed over another child and when spoken to about it he went and repeated the action. A member of staff removed him from siuation and as she was explaining why he began to hit her arm then he slapped her very hard across the face causing a nasty red mark. I took him to one side and discussed how she must be feeling and he said "I'll hit you". I explained that friends didn't hurt each other and how upset i would be if he hit me. He then went over shortly after and kicked another member of staff and told the person who dealt with it thaat she had hit him. He has also made an allegation against a member of staff before causing mum to complain to the previous manager. The allegation went no further (thankfully) as mum didn't want it recorded. I am really desperate for advice how to deal with this child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hmm, this sounds like mum's problem as much as his - maybe more?? You really need support here, I feel - do you have Early Years support? In my experience they can be a really good source of advice and help, showing you appropriate next steps for both the child and the setting. Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posy Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Ellie, I agree with Sue, you need some extra support. He sounds very angry and you have certainly tried all the usual strategies. How long has the behaviour been going on? You must be exhausted! Posyx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hi Ellie Not easy I agree get some EY support. Another idea we did with an aggressive child was he had 'to make it better' usually with cold compress etc. and the children have been taught to put there hand up and say "STOP 'X'" It is working. Silly question but do you think he hears well, All these questions /ideas came out when the cluster SENCO came in to see him. We also have a contact book for mum which he brings indaily so we don't have to draw attention to it with other parents about may help mum. Just some ideas Hope you get support soon! CupOT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 i agree with what the others have said, also ensure you record the times that you need to restrain the child and get the mum to sign them...another thought have you tried a visual timetable with him...may work!!!!! good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jean Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I have a child with similar problems in my nursery. We use two systems that run side by side. We have a traffic light chart. Three faces, green at the bottom, then orange, then red. You put a big paper clip on the bottom of the green face every morning. Any negative behaviour means that the paper clip is moved very slightly up the chart. If the behaviour continues to be bad the paper clip continues to move up -- but only slowly. If the behaviour improves or the child does what he is asked straight away the clip is moved down slightly. When the child is on the orange he has the chance to sit at "thinking" table (a designated place with the same orange face on the wall) He talks to a prctitioner about his behaviour and they talk about how he can make it better. If he reaches the red then you have to apply sanctions agreed by the nursery as this is deemed as unacceptable. At all points in the day there is achance for the child to move up or down, but it has to be his choice. (The orange face has question marks above it so the child understands the behaviour is becoming unacceptable). Also there is a chart where the child can obtain smiley faces. Every small thing that is praised receives a smiley face. Every negative thing receives a sad face. There are also faces with straight mouths which is a not quite bad but could be better. You have to give the child lots of chances to get smiley faces as well as sad faces. The traffic lights seem to work really well with the boy we have as he doesn't like the clip moving up. He also has a teddy which is only for his use that he has to hold at quiet time so that it doesn't get a tummy ache. (Doesn't work everytime - but anything is worth trying to see.) If you are interested in the traffic lights i can take a photo and let you have it. Hope this is some help to you. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Hello Ellie and welcome to the Forum. It does indeed soundl like very challenging behaviour. Have you written an Individual Education Plan so that all staff discuss strategies for dealing with the behaviour and record any progress? This can then been shown to Early Years advisors/SENco if you need to take it further. Parents will see that you are taking this seriously and can hopefully support you with the same behaviour management techiques at home, it will also prepare them for the fact that you may need to take it further. We have a reception child who having been with us last year comes back to us for lunch club who will hit out luckily not with any real force or real intention, he also looks very angry and says 'I'm going to hit you'. Staff give a very firm STOP if he attempts to hit out as if we mean it. We do take care to really praise him for desired behaviour and his little face lights up. We find giving him a choice ie if you hit anybody with that torch you will not be able to play with it, if you are careful you can play with it, so that he has a choice and knows the consequences of his actions. Demonstrating kind hands, 'Oh dear, that really hurt Fred' and try to encourage him to rub it better. Some years ago, we had a child on the autistic spectrum who would run around knocking over chairs. One of the solutions was to take him outside to run around with a ball to try to get rid of some energy. Reduced me to tears once when he head butted me so I feel for the member of staff who had her face slapped! This child had one to one support. Have you noticed if this child doesn't like changes in routine and plays up? If so could you give the child more notice when somethings going to happen? Sure others will be along soon with more advice. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacquieL Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I agree with everything said above. You will be taking very small steps with this child, probably two steps forward and one step back and it is exhausting dealing with a child like this everyday. You will worry about the other children as well. You could try giving him a special job or responsibilty which he gets lots of praise for and keeps him occupied- at tidy-up time for example. I find that this works sometimes. children like this have low sefl-esteem. His problems are quite deep and you will need to work in tandem with his mothe,r as there are obviously issues at home. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Have you done any observations to see what the trigger is for his behaviour. Its very easy sometime to see only the bad bit and not the bit before. we had a child who was always hitting and "bellowing" at the other child. It was always the same noise like a nagry animal. It turned out that he had never been taught the actual words he needed to say no thats my toy. Or "can I have that toy next" once we had taught him the correct phrases to use at the appropriate times his behaviour changed completely. Good luck and maybe check with mum at home to see what she does or reacts to his behaviour. Does she only react when he has to give out such negative behaviour. Does she ever praise him? It sounds as though he has learnt to get reactions!! especially if mum is looking is looking for attention. Is there other children in the family. Could mum do with some parenting skills? There is usually other contributing factors for his behaviour. If you look at the bigger picture and sort out the other things his behaviour will probably change on its own if he is getting positive responses. If he is hearing swearing in normal conversation then to him its normal, those sort of things good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 You have already received some excellent advice -so just want to say GOOD LUCK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Hi Ellie You sound like you've just had a day like mine, I work in a private nursey, at the moment I am in a class of 3-3.5 year olds, (I move around where and when they need me so am not in one particular class) anyway the behaviour of some of the kids in this class is shocking, they push, shove, hit their "friends" cannot take turns and we even have a few "biters", we do all the usual explain that it isnt kind, would like it if it happened to us, time out etc, however most of the time they just turn on the tears, down right refuse to apolgise and are little horrors. Alot of the problem is of lack of support from management as they dont carry out discipline, refuse to speak to parents about behaviour as it may upset them!! and they seem to molly coddle and praise the naught ones (yes I know we dont use the word NAUGHTY) Today we had a incident of one particular child biting another child when I asked him why he said "Because I did" no provication (although the other child gives as good as he gets. I dealt with it but I reported it to my supervisor expecting some support as he wasnt listening and all I got was a lack lustre speaking to and 5 mins later he was biting again, I was even told not to write the word biting in the accident report and put nibble instead. I consider this to be a serious issue however I am just fobbed off, I havent been working in childcare that long and I think today im just abit uninspired due to the fact all I have seemed to do it separate children from fighting, the worst thing is it that the "nice kids" get totally ignored as you spend all your time dealing with the NAUGHTY ones. Phew needed to let that out please tell me it gets better As I do love the job really I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Hi Melpollard21 and welcome to the forum. Do you feel better now? This is a great place to let off steam, as you will no doubt become aware there are usually lots of others in the same boat, if not now, they have been or will be. Of course biting is a distressing problem. If you type in 'biting' in the 'search forum posts' you will find other posts where this has been discussed and hopefully give you some strategies for dealing with the problem. I certainly found them useful and they worked. They say that biters tend to be boys and the problem is more common in September presumably at the start of term. Would recommend using the books mentioned with the children. Biting is biting not nibbling but that's just my point of view! All the fighting etc you mention could be due to low self-esteem, lack of appropriate language skills as previously mentioned. Are there any behaviour management courses in your area staff can go on? I learnt a lot from one I attended about understanding why children behave the way they do and ways to help them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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