Need A Big Hug

[Guest]

hello,

 

I am feeling sad

 

2 weeks ago a child in my kw group (only 2 sessions TH/F) came in to preschool, had not seen her for a while as I was on training course on days she was in... her nana brought her in and informed me that her mum had died 2 days previous. Now how I carried on after that I do not know.

The back ground is: started in Sept, under 3 dealt with nana as mum had an inoperable brain tumor (in her 20's). met mum on first week of child starting. lovely lady, talked with her about situation regarding hospitalisation of mum, effect on child for helping child to settle in. she said if she had not become ill would have trained in childcare...

Anyway, last saw mum at xmas. after hols, she had been hospitalised and i got regular updates from carer who collected child and nana. In mid feb, she declined and was taken to hospice... then went downhill til found out of her death. Nana was very brave, managed to stop her getting upset too much for child, went on autopilot myself then spent time with child as her kw and she clung to me. Nana wrote to me and staff about what they had told child (almost too good that's working together) so we would be able to deal with any reaction.

Well have supported child since then on her days in, but was given the funeral details last fri and it's this thurs. obviously wants me to go, said i will child will not be there but will be at wake. child will then be leaving us after easter to go and live with her father (as parents separated). Don't know if i will hold it together much longer.... what makes matters even worse it has just passed the anniversary of my own mother's death from ovarian cancer in 1999, so feeling sad anyway ...............need a hug

 

kizzy

[Guest MaryEMac]

Kizzy,

A big hug from me. You appear to be keeping it together, no easy task. My mum died from ovarian cancer too in 2002 and I find that I cry very easily. In fact I almost cried reading your post. I will be thinking of you on Thurs.

Love Mary

[hali]

thoughts are with you and the little one....

[nicki-k]

You are in my thoughts at such a difficult time. This is the worse situation to deal with, trying to remain composed for the sake of the child when all you want to do is cry.

 

A big hug from me too

[Guest]

hello,

 

I am feeling sad

 

Here's a hug from me too.

 

Al

[Posy]

Dear Kizzy,

Know that you are making a difference to this little girl and her family.

Take care

Barb

[Guest]

Kizzy you are in my thoughts, you've been very brave, I.m sure the Nana will be at a loss after Easter!

Here's a hug

[Guest]

oh Kizzy I feel for you. I could cry just reading your post a big hug and have a good cry when you have the right people around you. Good luck

[Rea]

How absolutley awful How are the family handling Mothers Day this weekend? I have been read on the TES site about foster children and the effects Mothers day has on them, make a card or dont make a card, who to give it to mommy, nan, auntie? It can be a very confusing time for older children who understand a liitle of what has happened. A friend of my sons, whos 14, lost his mom in November after a short illness, I feel so much for him and his older brother always but especially at times like this. I'm sure the family are doing everything they can to help the little girl and you can only be doing good being there for all of them.

Take care

[Sue R]

Have all my love and hugs, too - it's so sad when these things happen. Make sure you give yourself time, as well

 

Sue (xx)

[Guest]

What terribly sad news - I almost cried myself. Make sure you get plenty of support for yourself as you support this young child. Thinking of you.

[Guest]

Kizzy have a big hug from me, too, because we've just gone through something very similar; the father of one of ours suffered a sudden brain illness, was on life support for a few days then died. Parents were separated but there is a very good relationship with mum's new partner, who was also dad's friend. Now it looks as though they could be leaving to make a new start after Easter. I don't blame them at all but I will be so sad, the little boy is just one of those children who you can't help but feel are a bit special. I didn't know the father very well but I keep thinking things like 'he was at the Christmas play' when we look at the photographs.

 

Then even more recently my deputy has lost a close relative to a brain tumour, leaving behind a 2 year old child. Sad, sad times, but it's when your team can sometimes pull together the best. So I hope you & your colleagues can support each other.

 

Just a thought - could you recruit the Nana as a volunteer in any capacity? As Beckyann says, she's bound to miss them, & having built a link with you she might appreciate an opportunity to carry it on; it might help her come to terms with her own grief.

Edited March 22, 2006 by Guest

[Andreamay]

it certainly puts your own troubles back into perspective.Enjoy life NOW never put things on hold live every day as if its your last and spread LOVE!

God bless you Kizzy

[Guest]

I am sending out a prayer to you. No doubt at all that you have made a difference in the child/families lives. A huge hug to you.

[Guest]

Kizzy,

Your Mother would be really proud of you for the special relationship you have obviously built with this young girl and her family.

Shock, and autopilot is understandably how everyone affected are feeling with this sense of loss and sadness.

You must be a very valued person to be invited to the funeral which I hope will celebrate the young Mums life and also enable you to say your goodbye.

I will be thinking of you. At times like this it is hard to find anything positive, but there is, the fact that over the next week, you can and will give this little girl some happy memorys of time spent with you, a very special person who has given her support, love and care at this difficult time.

 

Peggy

[Guest]

hello, can I take this opportunity to reply to each and every one of you that have shared your love

Maryemac - time is a healer, I support and understand you too

Hali, nicki-k, whitetree, barb, beckyann, steph - thanx for your hugs {{{HUGS}}} back

Rea - I don't know their weekend plans, but will show nana my support in a silent understanding way, I am always here to listen.

sue - thanx they say time is a gr8 healer

chocolategirl - sorry didn't mean to make you sad. Here's a hug back {{{HUG}}}

weightman - I know what you mean about getting attached to special children comes with the territory. Nana doesn't live my side of town so may be difficult but will tell her she is more than welcome to visit

andreamay - that's true. I certainly re-evaluated my life after. My own two healthy children are my life

mj-led - thanks for the prayer. It means a lot. Footprints is my favourite prayer.

peggy - thanks i feel that i have acheived so much for myself since mum died.She was my "rock" and so am I now to continue being one to others. I must say I will miss the child when she leaves as built up a good relationship with her since Sept, enjoying the process! Since becoming joint leader, I have been on a steep "VERTICAL" learning curve and see it as a positive experience of my own capabilities.... I CAN DO THINGS!!!!

 

kizzy xx

Edited March 22, 2006 by Guest

[Guest]

Good to hear you sounding so positive, Kizzy! As difficult as it is, I think it's a real privilege to be able to satnd with people in scuh difficult times.

[Guest]

I've only just read this and my heart goes out to all involved.

Well done kizzy for caring so much and as per usual all the advice and sentiments from everyone, it does put things into perspective.

[Guest]

Oh Kizzy,

 

How awful!

 

A very BIG hug from me.

 

I lost my nana four years ago (at Easter) from Liver Cancer and it's horrible to live through! All the best thoughts for that little girl, she just needs as much support as possible. Have you seen 'Goodbye Mog' Great story for children who have lost someone, helps them to see that they are still loved and being watched over.

 

Best wishes and big hugs.

 

Lu

[Guest]

Hi Kizzy.

 

What a horrible time you are going through. Its often the way that the death of someone else can stirr up our own feelings of loss. I'm guessing you are probably reliving your own mum's death which must be difficult when trying to look after the bereaved family at preschool. I'm sure you will hold it together, but to be quite honest, there's no rule that says you have to.

 

I wrote a bereavement proceedure for our school that I'd be happy to share with you or anyone else for that matter. Its helped us out when we've had bereavements, as the whole school treats the bereavement the same. I'm happy for you or others to use it, I just ask that you reference me (think its on their actually) as it took a while to write!

 

 

 

xx

[Guest]

Hi Kizzy.

 

What a horrible time you are going through. Its often the way that the death of someone else can stirr up our own feelings of loss. I'm guessing you are probably reliving your own mum's death which must be difficult when trying to look after the bereaved family at preschool. I'm sure you will hold it together, but to be quite honest, there's no rule that says you have to.

 

I wrote a bereavement proceedure for our school that I'd be happy to share with you or anyone else for that matter. Its helped us out when we've had bereavements, as the whole school treats the bereavement the same. I'm happy for you or others to use it, I just ask that you reference me (think its on their actually) as it took a while to write!

 

 

 

xx

[Guest]

Hi Kizzy.

 

What a horrible time you are going through. Its often the way that the death of someone else can stirr up our own feelings of loss. I'm guessing you are probably reliving your own mum's death which must be difficult when trying to look after the bereaved family at preschool. I'm sure you will hold it together, but to be quite honest, there's no rule that says you have to.

 

I wrote a bereavement proceedure for our school that I'd be happy to share with you or anyone else for that matter. Its helped us out when we've had bereavements, as the whole school treats the bereavement the same. I'm happy for you or others to use it, I just ask that you reference me (think its on their actually) as it took a while to write!

 

 

xx

Bereavement_procedure.doc

[Guest]

hi, thanks again for all your support.

 

Thanx fluff for the attachment.did not consider one really until put in that situation. will acknowledge you as requested.

 

kizzy xx

 

ps. funeral went ok, it was harder the next day of session as child was leaving. In the chaos of the week had forgotten(!) her birthday, so did her celebration along with certs and gifts for leavers (her aswell). It went great... and you know what nana, grandad, great grandma and auntie came to see her "leaving presentation" fantastic. And what said it all was the quiet squezze on the arm from grandad... it said more that words would have. That's made my jobsworth!!!

 

kizzy xx

[Guest]

oh yes i forgot....

 

at the funeral there was a child. she looked about 3 yo (not the child of the deceased), and a colleague told me she was with a childminder. my colleague said that it was not the child of the childminder, but a charge. the funeral had the coffin brought in, what do you think? I thought it was unfair on the young child.

 

kizzy xx

[Guest]

oh yes i forgot....

 

at the funeral there was a child. she looked about 3 yo (not the child of the deceased), and a colleague told me she was with a childminder. my colleague said that it was not the child of the childminder, but a charge. the funeral had the coffin brought in, what do you think? I thought it was unfair on the young child.

 

kizzy xx

51878[/snapback]

 

 

I would certainly hope that the childs parents were fully informed and gave consent, but even with parents consent I personally would not consider this an appropriatte place for a child in my charge. But, we don't know the circumstances and so shouldn't worry too much about it.

 

Grandads touch does say it all, gestures can be so much stronger than any word in the English vocabulary.

 

Peggy

[Guest]

Hello luv,

Bless you, didn't realise about your mum. Its terrible when you do loose someone.

As you know, I have had my share of loss but it still makes you question all the things you do.

I went through the phase of why bother but as you know, you get over that.

I am not sure you ever get over a death but you learn to deal with it. I still can walk down the street and see something that reminds me of my mum and dad and I can just start blubbing.

3 years on, I still can't go shopping to Luton, purely because that is where we used to go shopping together.

 

Big big hug from me.

 

net xx

[Guest]

hi everyone,

 

thanx for more love and support. thanks to to you net.... thinking of you all with big love

 

kizzy xx