Rea Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 My son's friends mom died quite suddenly a few days ago. Tonight on the front page of our local evening newspaper there is a big picture of her in her cook uniform and the headline 'School in shock over cooks death'. Apparently she was a cook at a school. The newspaper wrote that she'd died and quoted the head and a couple of parents, their shock and how lovely she was etc. I found the whole thing to be quite band waggonish and told my son I thought they were out of order printing something that will be read by her son's friends and others and lead them to be the focus of morbid interest. My son said the newspaper would have had to get permission from the family, but they arent mentioned in the report, not even the usual 'a friend of the family said...' type stuff. Who's right? My son for saying permission would have been sought or me, who thinks the school spoke too openly to the newspaper without thinking of the womans children, and the newspaper printed it because they thought it would be a sensational headline? Do you think I'm being over sensitive? this made me feel really angry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 hi rea, no I dont think you are being overly sensitive. I was under the impression that newspapers got hold of these sorts of stories from obituaries etc. It may be however, that your son is right and the family's permission will have been sought. Either way, it has obvioulsy distressed you. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beau Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Rea, Sorry to hear about your son's friend's mom. One of our neighbours had a climbing accident a few years ago. The press got hold of the story immediately he had the accident - presumably from listening to Police frequencies. After several long and agonising days he died. The local newspapers were round in droves wanting to interview the family. They basically said that something would be reported regardless and if the family wanted some input into what went into the report then they would have to give an interview or other personal details to put into the newspaper. Eventually my neighbour decided to provide a written statement as she wanted to make sure that whatever was printed was accurate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 Arent they awful people? I know they have a job to do but it just seems so insensitive of the newspaper and the school. I really do hope her children were forewarned or at least consulted. Imagine the shock if they see the headline unprepared. I might not buy that paper again. I've emailed the school and the newspaper to tell them I hope they had given just thought to the family. I'll await any responses with interest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Rea, I understand where you are coming from about the "band waggon" media attitude, and take on board the comment from Beau about the newspaper saying "something" will be reported and basically asking "do you have a comment?". I think you may be angry about the moral process of reporting such "personal" news and I think you are quite rightly thinking that the family (or any family faced with this situation) are not ready to comment on, or even worry about the "media"news, yet the newspapers go ahead and report anyway. This is I suppose their job, but morally, how can a media report ever portray the true loss, their report will be/is so superficial, and therefore very painful. I do think your son is right that ethically the newspaper would have to ensure that all immediatte family members were aware of the death before printing the story. The school, I think, have become involved because of the persons job position, they would not have been contacted for a comment otherwise, Please don't think too harsh of the school. They must be "at a loss for words" in respect that a sudden death of a colleague must be a shock, and will have been slightly manipulated by the "news hungry" skill of the reporter, to "find some words to express how they feel". ( to enhance, make a story) What matters most is that after all the media hype, you, and others like you, have the sole interest of the family in your hearts, and that is what will give them strength for the difficult days/months ahead. Sensitivety to others' distress is not a weakness, it is a strength you have shown that will be appreciated, it will be comforting for this family at this time,when it is most needed. My thoughts are with you and your sons'friends family. peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 What an awful thing to have to go through: I'm sure your son's friend's family will be grateful to have your support, Rea. I'm not at all sure that newspapers need permission (or even to inform family) to write an article about someone who has died. Clearly in local papers up and down the land such articles appear all the time: local hero dies trying to save a small child; brave mum loses fight against cancer etc. Mostly we read these stories and focus on what we are being told about the person who has died. I think we view these articles differently when we know the person involved, or have a connection to the family. Obviously without seeing what was written in this case I can't answer whether they have jumped on the 'bandwagon' as you put it. Ultimately only the family can really judge whether the comments made in the article are in bad taste or offensive. However you obviously feel uncomfortable about this particular article, and have every right to tell the newspaper so. Clearly this family need as much love and support as they can get from as many people as possible. Hopefully people in your community will see the story in the paper and make some form of contact with the family to let them know that they are in people's hearts and prayers at this terrible time. I know from experience of losing my mum at a young age how comforting this can be. Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Hi rea, A few years ago the niece of a good friend of mine was killed in a car accident in America. The family were contacted and initially refused to speak to the paper, who then said, as in Beau's experience, that they would print something anyway, so wouldn't it be better to co-operate. Finally her cousin, with Mum's permission made a statement which the paper used. It was actually a rather nice piece, if I remember correctly. I do sympathise, though and to echo others, take care Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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