How Do You Deal With A Child Who Refuses To Do As You Ask?

[Guest]

Hi just wanted to say don't give up - this child needs you. We're going through a similar situation - although there might be some ASD tendancies mixed in there too, but we hit some good patches and it feels great to see you and the child has overcome that hurdle - although there's always another to jump.

Remember why you're doing the job - for the kids

 

Best of luck

Carmen

[Deb]

I just wanted to add that I can totally empathise with you! We too are going through a tough time with the behaviour of one little boy. We too are experiencing all the emotions you are, the exhaustion, the self-doubt, worrying about the other children, feeling that our strategies are making the situation worse, like you I have sought the support and knowledge of this wonderful forum - what would we do without it! There's lots of good advise also on my recent post 'Behaviour Management'. We also have a EY consultant visiting next week to discuss strategies in general not to visit the child.

 

Our main problem is the child's unwillingness to share toys or have children approach his space (though he can happily go into another child's space). We then get the shouting, or hitting or throwing of resources.

 

I wonder if our little boy may have difficulty in understanding either the social rules or in what is being asked of him. Does your little boy have any additional needs?

 

We are using short clear sentences, for example, throwing stop instead of stop throwing as sometimes children only hear the last word you say, in which case that would be throwing!

 

Like you, the child's first reaction if we ask him anything is often no. So we've been offering him choices, would you like 'Jane' to help you wash your hands, or would you like to wash your hands yourself. So far this is working.

 

It is terribly difficult to remember all of our strategies all of the time, especially when you are trying to stop a bit of construction being used as a missile. By the way, we are giving him soft balls and a bucket outside and saying that he CAN throw these.

 

Like Carmen suggests, I just keep thinking that we will get through this difficult patch.

 

Good luck

[finleysmaid]

Terrydoo i have to say that this strikes me as a family in crisis and you could be their lifeline! what help are they getting? support in the area ? can you signpost them to the correct services... yes if you want to correct this boys issues then this is all part of the job ...unhappy parents make unhappy children! Their older child has obvioiusly got some major difficulties (do you know what they are? it may have a bearing on your little chap) you are their respite care at the moment.It sounds like your chap may never have experienced a regular childhood with regular play....he may not have any idea of what good play is. You need to teach by example and make a fuss of those children who are doing what you want them to so that he can copy...he needs lots of TLC and support...remember children need the most love when they are being the most challenging

[catma]

Does the family have links with their local children's centre? If they have children under 5 they could probabaly be registered but not using it. You could see if there is support for them through that avenue?

 

cx

[Guest terrydoo73]

We live in Northern Ireland so there is no "Children's Centre" to link in with if you understand what I mean.