My Childminder's Given Notice

[Lyanne]

I don't really need advice, but could do with supportive words...

 

We've had our childminder since Son2 was 5 months, he's now in Year 3 and will be 8 in March, and I only work term-time only so now he's in fulltime school she doesn't have him so much, but she's still an important part of his life.

 

He's had IEPs since preschool, he's on School action plus because of the outside involvement, for behaviour... I think we'll get an ASD diagnosis in the end, right now, we know about his hypermobility, distractedness, how long it takes him to do things...

 

Childminder's had problems with her car which has lead to my having to put him in breakfast club before school which he loves, (but I don't love leaving at 7.30 to get the bus!) so since half-term we've gone down to her just having him after school, and the contract is that she brings him home to us as I don't drive. (it's always been that, though I've gone on the bus to get him when she's been without the car/had too many to fit in the car - that mean leaving work early to get the bus.)

 

Today she brought him home & told hubby (on night shift tonight) that she can't have Son anymore - they'd had to wait 20 minutes for him, she had a 3yr old with her as well as the other afterschool children and they all got very cold standing waiting in the playground. She spoke to the teacher to find out why he was so late (getting changed after PE which was the last lesson of the day) and teacher told her 'he just doesn't care'. So she feels she has to put he needs of the other children ahead o fhim, and has told hubby so.

 

Not actually sure if she means she's giving notice to not have him anymore after this term, or full stop right now - and hubby doesn't want her to have Son anymore after this. Know I need to speak to her but I'm not sure what I want to say right now - apart from please don't have dicussion like this in front of the child in future. I came home to find Son 'very sad mummy as (Childminder) doesn't want to have me anymore.'

 

Also need to speak to teacher about the 'doesn't care' comment - we're seeing her this week for parent's evening so will do so then. Sat giving him a hug, with him asking me not to go to work and send him to school but to teach him at home, with tears rolling down my face.

 

My preschool session doesn't finish till 10 minutes after he comes out of school (or is meant to come out...) I work 2 miles away with out a car so am reliant on public transport. I'm the deputy manager, so leaving early isn't the best option for work... I wish I was an assistant working less hours. Looked at a job earlier for a lot less hours, but I'd still need to travel, and we'd lose a lot of money. got to go to uni tomorrow and have a tutorial about early learning - think I'm just going to cry at my tutor!

[Upsy Daisy]

Oh Lyanne that must be very hard.

 

Shame on the teacher for speaking of him in that way if she did. It shows a great lack of understanding of ASD. Would it have been very difficult to help him get ready or invite them into school to wait?

 

It clearly wouldn't be reasonable to expect to finish the contract with immediate effect. Do you think she'll change her mind when she's slept on it?

 

It is a dreadful feeling when your child is begging you not to send them to school. I've been there so many times with both my girls and it really makes me feel very very guilty and that I'm being a dreadful mother.

 

I hope you find a way to solve this that works for you and your son.

[HoneyPancakes]

Time for everybody to take a big deep breath here. Everybody has days when they are just a their wit's end and can't carry on any longer, and in the morning things look better. If all the parties hide in a corner it's all going to get nasty. Rise above it and see what can be salvaged.

 

In a rush now, but maybe the teacher might let the CM come in and help get your child dressed. Yesterday I was able to go in and help with all five of mine. Saved us hanging around in the snow waiting for piano lessons to finish.

 

Good luck. If your contract is current you should be given four weeks notice. Hope it all works out.

 

Honey

[Lyanne]

She could if she chose say it ends now - as I've been waiting for a new contract since she doesn't have him in the mornings anymore... and we're currently contractless.

 

I'm not happy with the teacher right now, as you can imagine! the thing about Son is, he can be very caring, but you need to say explicitly 'You need to get your clothes on quickly and get you coat on as childminder is waiting with a little one getting cold.' Well, you need to break it down into steps... And you need to check he's heard them. He doesn't always see what's right in front of him, and certainly can't pick up clues or implied meanings.

 

CM hasn't been interested in coming in to help him get dressed since he was in Reception - I reminded her the other week about the hypermobility when he was struggling to get his seat belt on in the car and she was dismissive of it - so I don't think she'd have gone for going in & helping him. Dunno, I help my little ones at preschool buty of course they are younger - but if I'm helping at Beavers who are 6 - 8, I'd help them with outerlayers etc at this time of year.

 

Honey pancakes, I'm starting to think it may be a blessing in disguise - eventually... CM is not good at returning calls or texts except when she wants more info - I know we're all busy, but she never seems to have to time to talk about Son's needs whether email, text, phone, in person... So getting hold of her to say 'So, I hear you weren't happy with Son yesterday! Do you still want to give notice? Is it from yesterday or are you working out the term? OR How can we all work together for Son's good and the good and the other children in your care?'

 

Hubby sees her at the school sometimes but is not good at talking to people, plus never wants her to have son again.

[Guest]

Oh Lyanne I can only imagine how you must all feel....

 

My honest reaction, as a childminder, is that she's been looking for a way out (and it may be that the reduction in hours means that financially she needs to fill her limited numbers with a more lucrative client - I know that sounds awful after all these years with her and some loyalty would be expected/hoped for but it IS her livelihood) and that yesterday's incident gave her the excuse she was waiting for.

 

I've found it hard these last few days to take a 2 year old on the school run (even though it's for her own sister) She really feels the cold and we've invested in thermals, ski wear, hand warmers..... but I still have to weigh up the pros and cons of taking little ones along when temperatures are extreme and roads/paths icy. Life is one long risk assessment at the moment!

 

Your husband's reaction is fully understandable and I think I'd feel the same. If the relationship has broken down to the point where she's not acknowledging your son's needs or returning calls and texts I think a fresh start for your son might be the next step and who knows, you may find someone with more understanding of, and empathy with, your needs as a family and it'll be a blessing to you all.

 

Hope you get it sorted soon.

 

Nona

[Lyanne]

Regarding the calls & texts, she's like it generally... She told a friend whose child she also minds 'I don't reply to work calls or texts at the weekend' - fair enough, but there are times when as a parent I need to contact her at the weekend ie if Son was being sick on Saturday, he'd not go to school on Monday & so on. And you need to know she's got the

 

I agree Nona, I do think she's been looking for a way out. At the moment, we're not going to look for another minder - there are others in the village but I think we need to spend some time building up Son's confidence in who's getting him before starting with another minder who will be an almost stranger to him.

 

And I know what you mean about the weather - one of our little ones has twinsiblings of 2 years who only come once a week - Mum haad her mum look after twins yesterday while bringing 3 yr old to preschool, and said she might pick elder child up early if that was ok? I said of course, and while the weather's so bad, don't drag the twins out to bring 3 yr old in - we don't want you risking yourselves!

[Guest]

Regarding the calls & texts, she's like it generally... She told a friend whose child she also minds 'I don't reply to work calls or texts at the weekend' - fair enough, but there are times when as a parent I need to contact her at the weekend ie if Son was being sick on Saturday, he'd not go to school on Monday & so on. And you need to know she's got the

 

Perhaps it's just me.... I'm pretty much available 24/7 for messages, calls and discussions - little ones often don't blurt out what's bothering them until hours after the event and, as you say, if a mindee is ill I'd want to know asap.

 

I agree Nona, I do think she's been looking for a way out. At the moment, we're not going to look for another minder - there are others in the village but I think we need to spend some time building up Son's confidence in who's getting him before starting with another minder who will be an almost stranger to him.

 

A wise choice! I honestly think you'll all benefit from a break and a fresh start. Not all childminders are the same (I promise!) and hopefully you will find one who is fully inclusive and who sees your son first and his needs second!

 

Nona

[Guest]

Sorry this hasn't worked out, and particularly that it has caused upset to your son.

 

Just wanted to point out that you are not without a contract - the old one is valid until a new one is signed, even if review date has passed.

 

I hope you can find a way to work this out.

 

C

[Lyanne]

Sorry this hasn't worked out, and particularly that it has caused upset to your son.

 

Just wanted to point out that you are not without a contract - the old one is valid until a new one is signed, even if review date has passed.

 

I hope you can find a way to work this out.

 

C

 

Thanks lolo, hadn't realised that.

[Guest jane707]

I am a childminder and I know how hard it is standing in a playground with 3 or 4 children waiting for one to come out of class... late again... and it's raining... and the school won't let me in to help or chivvy them along... and the little one needs the toilet and school won't let us in to do that either... and the baby starts crying...

 

But it's not something I would give notice for! It's part of my job to manage situations like this.

 

Also I am on call to parents pretty much any time, I certainly wouldn't ignore a worried parent all weekend!!

 

I think from the sounds of things your childminder is maybe struggling and, as such, is not the best person to be caring for your child any more.

 

Children do grow out of their childminders sometimes and hard though it is, maybe your son is ready for something a little different.

 

Is there an after school club he might enjoy? Especially if there's a breakfast club you said he was happy at?

 

Hugs to your son xx

[Lyanne]

Thanks Jane!

 

I spoke to childminder today - she said she tried several times to phone me but couldn't get through... She said she was also suprised I'd left it so long before phoning her - I think leaving it a few days gave us all a chance to calm down!

 

Teacher had explained to hubby and I that it was an outside teacher who took the PE class and wasn't sending the children back to get changed till just before home time - so next time, Son will have to come back 5 minutes before the rest to start getting changed. Not ideal, but it meets his needs, and after this week, the outside teacher won't be taking them, they'll be back with class teacher who can better control when they start to get changed after PE... Teacher hadn't told CM that so it helped CM feel better knowing it was temporary situation.

 

CM said she doesn't want to stop having Son, she's had him so long, and she did want to discuss it without his hearing - so that makes me feel better. But she said that she does need to put the needs of all the children ahead of the needs of 1, and as she's only collecting him from school and bringing home, she feels she's offering more of a taxi service than childminder's service...

 

He's got an afterschool club Monday, and I've not got afternoon classes at uni on Wednesday, so the only day next week she'd have him is Tuesday (the dreaded PE day...), so we've agreed that she'll get him then and we'll see how it goes.

[Guest]

and as she's only collecting him from school and bringing home, she feels she's offering more of a taxi service than childminder's service...

 

it's a VERY IMPORTANT part of any child's day being greeted by a caring face and having the chance to share their news and views. I often get told more by the children when we're in the car, and it's fresh in their mind, than they share at home in a whole evening and their parents really appreciate having these tidbits passed on...

 

Most families needs change over time and I provide a similar drop-off and pick up service for 2 of my families. I've cared for their children since they were babies and now they're at High School it's all that's required. It's a bit like chauffering my daughter around!

 

He's got an afterschool club Monday, and I've not got afternoon classes at uni on Wednesday, so the only day next week she'd have him is Tuesday (the dreaded PE day...), so we've agreed that she'll get him then and we'll see how it goes.

 

Hopefully, his usual teacher will manage the situation to everyone's advantage. It would be a shame for this relationship to break down over a "blip" and if your CM really doesn't want to stop having your son, after so long, she'll be keen for Tuesday to go well and will see her "taxi service" as a way to remain in contact with you and your family.

 

Please keep us posted!

 

Nona