Am I Being Oversensitive?

[Guest]

Okay, well im way new here lol, but thought id ask your opinion

 

I started my job about 7 weeks ago, as a senior nursery officer. My role entails that i work under the deputy manager and nursery manager, i am based in pre-school room, but also have office duties etc... although most the time i am in my room with the children.

 

A couple of issues are arrising,

 

firsly staff can not accept that i am 'third in charge' and thus pay little attention to me when i have to assert the 'senior' side to me and my role. how do i overcome this?

 

There is one member of staff who has taken an instant dislike to me, i have now found that she went for my job (when it was advertised internally) but she didn't get it... so i think we were just set on rocky pathways.. she is forever telling me 'we did it this way, we do it that way etc etc... but she tells me in the most sarcastic and undermining way!

 

Then there is the girl who works in my room (H), she is training to nvq level 2, she is on the whole great, but struggles to accept that she may actually learn something from me should she dare to ask (i am qualified with NNEB and degree, not to mention a fair few years experience).. she seems to undermine my skills and experience and often tells me 'well we do it this way etc etc again....

(H) is 'under me' (although i do hate that phrase), but before i started she used to work with the old senior nursery officer (whom i understand was not working to her role and was rather lapsey daisy in her approach)... (H)had just assumed the role of senior (and did planning, decision making etc, over the last senior, and becaue the last senior was passive this was allowed to happen.

I am not passive, i take my role very seriously and believe that ultimate decision making within the room comes down to me (with the imput of (H)) however (H) can not get her head round the fact that i am so assertive and that she has to back down and consult me in many of the 'big decisions'.

 

also (H) always refers to the room as her room, and as her children, and her toys and her displays.... this infuriates me, firstly they are not her (nor my) children, they are 'pre-school children' it is not her room, but it is 'our room' they are not her displays, they are our displays (and of course the children's)... i don't like her refering to it all as her's i feel it undermines all the hard work i am putting into the room.

 

(H) also shouts far to much for my liking, and loves the time out chair (a concept i actually hate) she is forever sending children to the time out chair. she makes decisions ie tells a child ' i will send you to toddler room if you don't listen co-operate'.. i also hate this.... i think were meant to be building self esteem and self worth not demolishing it with threats of regressing them to a younger room..... i just don't know how to approach (H) with my issues, particularily when i have to work with her daily.

 

am i being oversensitive, with it all?... i mean would it annoy you if someone always went over you(when your position is senior to theirs) and refered to it all as her room, her toys, her children.

 

hmmmmmm, thoughts appreciated.

 

Thanks

 

Dawn

[Guest]

Feel better yet

Sorry to hear you having a rough time, you do seem to have to be juggle alot at the moment, it can be tough settling into new role within new setting.

 

It is easy to take things personal when you care about your job and the children you work with, I think you do need to sort out some grounds rules with the team, and lay the cards on the table so to speak.

 

If you dont start to say something soon, then it will just get worse, if the person is actually going against what you are resonasable asking her to do then surely this needs addressing from senior mangment.

 

It dosnt sound a great place to be right now but the only person who can make it a postive experience is you, how you handle it and stay calm reflects how proffesional you are in your job.

Sorry havnt been really helpful, all the best and Welcome to the site

[Guest tinkerbell]

Hi welcome from me too.

You sound to be having a rough time at the moment ..can you talk to the other managers about your concerns?...is there anyway that staff can be moved around so they do not become obssesive with 'their room' ...they will therefore work with different people and widen their experiences.

Keep your chin up and don't give in ,you sound like you are very knowledgeable about your work and don't forget you got the job!

Tinkerbellx

[Guest]

First of all welcome to the site. Hope you feel better for getting your frustration off your chest.

I think (personal opinion) you need to remember that you are not going to win any popularity contests in any managerial role, but that you need to remain polite, fair and as objective as possible - sometimes tough to do

Hopefully through your role model, your room colleague will change her practice, but if not you may have to have a one to one discussion with her and be prepared to offer alternative strategies for coping with children who do not conform. Alternatively perhaps you could suggest compiling a positive behaviour strategy policy at a staff meeting, giving everyone an open forum and the opportunity to 'thrash out' differences of approach to behaviour, etc.

[Guest]

Hi

I don't really have much to add other than you really need to deal with this sooner rather than later and a staff meeting, conducted calmly and professionally (and by the sounds of your post you sound like you have a most professional attitude) and set some boundaries and acceptable behaviours.

I once worked in a school where some of the staff were absolutely awful, if you didn't belong to their clique then they made everything that they could make awful compeletly terrible!! The head was at the end of her tether and introduced a set of golden rules for school that staff had to devise themselves and adhere to! whilst this wasn't an overnight success it did help a little and the first staff meeting of every half term these were revisited and discussed. Could a similar idea work for you?

I can let you have a copy of these as a starting point if you think they would be useful, and a copy of an agenda I used recently to refocus staff (in another school!) on what we think is important in terms of ethos, working environment, quality education etc.

Keep your cool if you can in the meantime and I am thinking of you. I know how hard it can be when things are difficult.

Chin up pal XX

[Guest]

Thanks everyone for all your replies.

 

Raine

Alternatively perhaps you could suggest compiling a positive behaviour strategy policy at a staff meeting, giving everyone an open forum and the opportunity to 'thrash out' differences of approach to behaviour, etc

 

That sounds a good idea actually thanks for sharing.

 

Tinkerbell

is there anyway that staff can be moved around so they do not become obssesive with 'their room'

I don't think this is possible and maybe (H) is just this way as a personal trait to her, if im honest i have started to try and ignore her obsession with it being her room... i guess ultimatly i know my role, and as someone rightly said i got the job and not the others, so i obviously can do it... i just think its the others that need to accept my presence.

 

Judy

a set of golden rules for school that staff had to devise themselves and adhere to! whilst this wasn't an overnight success it did help a little and the first staff meeting of every half term these were revisited and discussed. Could a similar idea work for you?

I can let you have a copy of these as a starting point if you think they would be useful, and a copy of an agenda I used recently to refocus staff (in another school!) on what we think is important in terms of ethos, working environment, quality education etc.

 

could you share those 'golden rules' with me just so i can get an idea of them and maybe show my manager them.

 

thanks for all your thoughts everyone, im so glad i found this forum!

 

Dawn

[Guest]

Hi,

 

like everyone else said it sounds like your having a bit of a tough time. I have been in a similar situation in the past. As hard as it is I personally think that you just have to be to the point about the things that are bothering you, especially the behaviour management. I obvious as it is too most of us some people just don't realise how negative threating a child with going to a younger age group can be (again this is something that I have come across in the past) Maybe if you explain why this is so negative but if it continues then you will just have to be firm and say ' i told you before I don't like that please don't speak to the children like that.' You might not be very popular but it will get your point across.

 

As for the room thing, if you can ignore it do, I think alot of the time people just get into a habit of saying 'my room' 'my children' I even do it myself sometimes if i want to find Something i will say to staff is it in your room, are your children going out today etc. If it is bothering you and you think its becomming a bit of a power thing then perhaps just make a casual remark, next time H say's my room jst say i thought i worked here too or something similar. The staff and herself will soon have a lot of respect to you, you obviously take your job seriously and have a lot you can teach the staff and i'msure they will soon cometo realise that!!!

 

I always seem to make myself sound like a dragon when i respond to posts like this, but i'm not honest

[Guest]

ahhh, you don't sound like a dragon at all

 

thanks for your thoughts

 

Dawn

 

 

Hi,

 

like everyone else said it sounds like your having a bit of a tough time. I have been in a similar situation in the past.  As hard as it is I personally think that you just have to be to the point about the things that are bothering you, especially the behaviour management.  I obvious as it is too most of us some people just don't realise how negative threating a child with going to a younger age group can be (again this is something that I have come across in the past)  Maybe if you explain why this is so negative but if it continues then you will just have to be firm and say ' i told you before I don't like that please don't speak to the children like that.'  You might not be very popular but it will get your point across.

 

As for the room thing, if you can ignore it do, I think alot of the time people just get into a habit of saying 'my room' 'my children'  I even do it myself sometimes if i want to find Something i will say to staff is it in your room, are your children going out today etc.  If it is bothering you and you think its becomming a bit of a power thing then perhaps just make a casual remark, next time H say's my room jst say i thought i worked here too or something similar.  The staff and herself will soon have a lot of respect to you, you obviously take your job seriously and have a lot you can teach the staff and i'msure they will soon cometo realise that!!!

 

I always seem to make myself sound like a dragon when i respond to posts like this, but i'm not honest     

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[Guest]

I am the owner of my preschool and I came "off floor" last September and now my manager ( I can say "my" I pay the wages ) runs the show on a daily basis. My manager started calling the store cupboard hers, the children hers, the equipment hers etc. It was initially annoying (because I was having a hard job of letting go) but now I just feel it shows she feels that she really belongs and feels comfortable in her new role.

 

You are, after only 7 weeks, still inducting to all the "known" policies and procedures, the history, the ethos, the hidden curriculum. Although the other staff have been there a while it is still, because a new person has come in, a NEW TEAM. The team is going through what they call the "storming" stage of formation. It is the responsibility of all the people within the team to get through this phase, and some, quite clearly are not coping with the change as well as others may be. This is for what they may feel are just reasons ie: didn't get the job. I'd suggest that you use "role modelling" techniques to promote change in attitudes. However, bullyish behaviour towards children should be bought to the attention of senior management, who 's ultimate responsibility is to effect change in this particular matter.

 

Let the other staff have time to really get to know you, to respect your obvious knowledge and professionalism. It is not your fault that it is taking them a while, so don't be harsh on yourself, or expect too much too quickly, especially if the previous "team" had been together a long while.

 

When I have staff changes, the one thing that really gells the team is if the staff feel that the new person is helping them do their jobs by getting on with their own. They feel threatened if their practice is questioned.

 

Yes, practice does have to be questioned, discussed, negotiated, understood by all and a common goal established that everyone is rooting together for. This will happen, but not until they have adjusted to having a new member in the team. And it does take time.

 

Your main focus is building relationships with staff along with caring for the children. They also have a responsibility to make you feel welcome into the team too.

 

Just give it time.

 

Peggy

[Alison]

Hi Dawn

 

I have alot of empathy for your situation, be patient it will take a while for the staff to accept and respect you and in the mean time, dont let it spoil your professionalism. and dont let it wear you down.

 

As for (H), check your settings behaviour policy and how staff are being told to deal with behaviour, it may be time for a review and maybe even suggest a member of staff (H) attends some behaviour managment training? tell her shes the settings representative (she sounds like she needs to feel important!) ask her to help update the settings awareness of behaviour managment issues she might come back with lots of ideas and be unaware that its her behaviour that your challenging not the settings.

 

I know how you feel about the "we've always done things this way" its so fustrating but some times it pays to step back and observe for a while and ask why? there are things I would love to change in my setting but my ideas impractical, when I first started as manager I walked in and tried to make changes before gaining the respect and understanding of the staff and it made me unpopular and I think its important to understand why thing happen the way they do before trying to change them.

 

keep in touch this is the best place to voice your frustrations!

it might be corny but its true "a problem shared is a problem halved!!"

 

 

things will sort out in time so be patient, dont stress.

[Rea]

I've just finished a long term supply post in a nursery. They have a 'naughty chair' in the playground, although it was never called that. Some staff had the same attitude to H, in that they would threaten removing children to another room or even to the office, rarely, if ever, did I hear any positive behaviour management. Some of the practice from individuals was mind boggling, a child was told to sit up when he was lying on the floor to play with the train, other children were told to wear the dressing up in only one part of the room, and there was loads more like that. As supply I was in an entirely different position to you, but I found what worked best was questioning, in as nice a way as possible, why things were done in a particular way, why this happened, why that wasnt allowed. Sometimes, on reflection I could see where they were coming from, other times it would fuel more questions. I hope people took my questioning as an opportunity to reflect, people can sometimes need another point of view when they've been working in a particular way for ages, but sometimes you just meet people who are 'that way'. I do wonder why they chose childcare as a job if they so obviously dont understand children, and where on earth are some of these people training? A lot of settings work to a 3 month probationary period, for both the employee and employer, I could see after 3 months that some things were for a reason and others needed changing. Give yourself some time, watch and learn and take time to consider all angles. I know how frustrating it can be but at least you're in a position to change things eventually. The people on this site have listened to me rant and rave over the past few months and have given excellent advice as well as an understanding ear. Good luck

[Guest]

I think we all encounter this type of negative behaviour management at some time - I have a senior supervisor who makes the children eat every scrap of their sandwich before they can have anymore of their lunch box - ok I understand that the sandwich should be first, but this is to the point of "you will sit their and eat it all" to a child whose mum has given him the doorstep sandwich from hell - I find it cringeworthy (a teenage word I learnt from my daughter!) I am in no authority to say anything - I dread the lunch times and consider hiding the child's crusts (don't worry, I know that would confuse him more) - if it were up to me I would ask mum if she could maybe consider giving him a smaller lunch - or ask if she would like us to ensure that he eats every last morsel! As a parent I would like my 4year old to enjoy lunch time and learn the social skills of eating in public and sharing experiences - some children find it a difficult experience - oh that turned out to be quite a rant - sorry.

[Deb]

Hi Dawn

 

I'm sure there are practitioners all over the forum who can empathise with your situation. Working as a team can be difficult at times, we all have our own opinions/strengths/weeknesses, but as Peggy says it can be particularly difficult for all during this settling in period. We all need to feel like a valued member of a team, consulted, given responsibility etc.

 

Our profession is going through big changes and not everybody is happy with them, particularly if they've always done it this way! Having access to this wonderful forum we all have an idea of how we should/could do things/best practice and which we aspire to. If only life were that simple, getting on with other people is the hardest part of the job at times, we are such complex beings! We don't always get it right in our team for sure, and we must all take responsibility for that.

 

I can remember when I first started, wanting to change things, it's only natural, the difficullty was not standing on other people's toes in my enthusiasm! I can also remember what it was like when my supervisor started, wanting to change this and that as if we hadn't had any thoughts of our own. There may be reasons why things are done in certain ways not least of which staff giving their all working with the children. I have learnt a lot from my supervisor, we think the same way on many things but she is not always right, at these times I take a step back and question myself. It has been useful training, when I am deputy once a week, I try to treat others how I would like to be treated. I need support and I try to give it too.

 

 

You have clearly identified a need for behaviour management training, are there any courses near you, we have an excellent one in Dorset. I think this should be discussed with the manager and deputy first, maybe that's why you got the job.

 

Like everyone has said, keep cool and professional, take a step back (several deep breaths) and give yourself more time. I do hope the other staff will meet you half way. Good luck, this is obviously a difficult time, let us know how you get on. Maybe we could learn something.

 

Deb