Joining In

[Guest debralenise]

We have a little girl in our group who is 3, she does not join in with any type of physical play whatsoever, inside or outside. It doesn't matter whether its dancing, using the climbing frame, slide etc or playing ball, hoops etc she flatly refuses to even try - she just stands about observing despite all the encouragement from staff to join or have a try. When outside she spends her time picking up stones or acorns and putting them in her pocket to take home. When inside she just stands when others are moving around her. Her favourite activity is glueing and sticking and will spend most of the morning there if left and not attempt to try other activities for herself and it takes a lot of encouragement from staff for her to move on to something else. When we talk to her and ask her to try another activity she avoids eye contact, puts her head on one side and her chin down on her chest and usually bends over so we can't see her face. We have tried strategies such as doing one activity first and then move to sticking but with very little success, she refuses to try anything else, never goes near the home corner or construction toys, may occasionally sit in the book corner and sometimes paints but not often. She has been with us for nearly a year and has only just started talking to us. I'm not sure if it maybe shyness or embarrassment at perhaps failing that stops her from joining in. Can anyone suggest how we may help her?

[Rea]

I had a little girl like this. She had known me for longer than she'd been coming to us becuase she bought her older brother, but even when she left last July, she was showing very little signs of joining in. She even had the same eyes down, chin on chest stance. I was always worried but her mom, who was very grounded, said not to worry. The child went home every day full of what had been going on at playgroup, she used to tell her mom the story we'd had, get her to buy the same books, she described to other family members activities we'd done, games we'd played, etc. I saw her a couple of weeks ago in the supermarket, she spoke to me and showed me her doll! She is exactly the same at school. Mom is happy that she's learning, and having a good time. Maybe your child is like this, what does mom say?

[Guest]

You have and are doing all that you can to include her in other areas of play. I think this is to do with her personality as you have suggested.

 

Ask Mum if she enjoys gross motor activity out of preschool, ie: the park, swimming etc. If she doesn't participate in these out of preschool maybe you could think of ways to include gross motor skills with sticking / painting ie: I remember reading on here once about an activity where children stood on the climbing frame and dropped sponges and other items full of paint onto a large peice of paper on the floor. You could maybe try something like this starting with standing on a bench.

Outside can you hang a large peice of paper on an outside wall and children dip light weight items into a glue pot and throw onto the "canvass". Other activities with a focus on maths, CLL, etc, can be bought to the sticking table, thus taking the "pressure" off her to participate in areas of the preschool which she doesn't choose to be in.

Try not to worry too much, especially as mum is happy and she is enjoying preschool ( as she tells mum all about it).

 

As for communicating with her, I haven't had much experience of using them myself, but large puppets can be used as a 3rd person, to enable shy children to converse ( via the puppet).

 

Let us know how you get on.

 

Peggy

[Guest]

I agree with Rea, I think I'd be wanting to talk to Mum about what she does/how she is out of the setting. Some children find the social apsects so difficult, don't they?

 

Also, what about observation? If someone could do a narratvie observation on her for 20 minutes plus, you may just find she's involved in more than you think. At least, if it was well done and detailed, you'd have some sound evidence about the problem.

 

With my High/Scope hat on - does it really matter if she uses glue excessively? I know we're supposed to offer a 'broad, balanced curriculum' but you could just go with her interest for a while, offering different materials to stick etc. That way you'd be acknowledging her individuality and she just may respond . Sometimes I've found that this sense of 'being known' can release a child to explore a bit further.

 

If she's started talking to you, that must be a good sign - I'd say keep that going at all costs!