Guest Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I hope someone can help! I apologise if this offends anyone in advance. Over the past few months esp with several colleagues becoming pregnant I have found myself talking the talk in terms of my career - 'In 3 years time I want to be applying for Deputy Headships' I heard myself say. But I increasingly don't! It's never been a factor before and have been very happy as an Aunt and never had the urge to get married and have a family of my own. I've have had a good varied and interesting career so far doing many things in addition to my main role as a class teacher. I have been given extra responsibilities finding less and less time for myself and not enjoying this. As a result and the situations of colleagues and my sister have bloomed I have found myself decided that I don't want to go up the career ladder anymore - I want to find that special someone, get married and have a family. It's not negotiable anymore - I'm nearing 40! Colleagues my age in school seem to be fighting for opportunities to progress in their career now their children are getting older. I feel that I am lying to my Deputy Head and line manager and am taking up opportunities in the meantime that I don't want to do. I am becoming more and more demoralised and unhappy thinking that this is not what I want to do and am bidding my time. I don't feel that this is something I can openly admit in school and wondered if anyone had any advice of how to get through this till I achieve my (non school) goals! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mundia Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Hi there bluesheep, Im sorry to hear that you are feeling this low about this. First of all your personal plans or hopes are noones business but yours and you can share that or not with whoever you want (or not). It is perfectly OK to make it clear that you don't want to progress to deputy head..I never wanted to and I was never afraid to say so. I lline managed a team in FS, that was enough from a school point of view. The threshold came into being because of this..not everyone wants to needs to become a deputy or head, some people just want to be a really good class teacher! I think I would step back a little and look at why you cant admit this in school, as this suggests to me that you feel under pressure to do things you really don't want to? This can lead to stress and ultimately sickness, so if this is the case, you probably do need to discuss it with your line manager. (although maybe after Easter is better timing so you have had chance to break and think) And if colleagues are fighting for career moves, let them, they will probably snap your hand off to have some of the things you don't really want. Obviously if you are on a TLR and want less responsibility, you may need to say goodbye to that? Regarding the family thing..my very good friend was like you, and finally settled down with her lovely new partner (and now )baby at 42! It can happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Thats a very comprehensive response from Mundia and I dont think I have anything to add. I am a bit confused why you are being pressurised to make these decisions though. Good luck with your personal quest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 It seems that your ambitions currently lie outside your job. I am not very career focused - I wanted to buy a house, get married and have children, and I guess I put energy into that and not a high-flying career. I think you will need to be honest at work to the degree that you have been given more than you are comfortable with - was this because they think they are supporting you to develop your skills towards being a deputy? But they don't need to know that the reason you are finding it all too much because you have been out meeting handsome men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Many thanks for your replies. Mundia - thank you very very much for your reply - it's just what I needed to hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I always wanted to stay classroom based and ended up going sideways to a slightly different career path, rather than up. So much of the joy in teaching is with the children, none of the joy is with the paperwork, so stick to your guns! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I agree that you have to think about what YOU want and what will make YOU happy. I was alwasy very focused on my career, I had no husband, no children, my classes were my priority (that and paying the mortgage!) I've been at my school 6 years now and in the last 12 months everything has changed: I got married last April and we're expecting our first child in September: suddenly my focus has shifted and although I still care deeply for my children at school and I'm doing everything I can to support my school... well it's not my priority now and I certainly won't be filling the vacancy on the SLT as was suggested! The Head is still talking to me about 'when I come back' and the plans she has always had for me, and at the moment I'm smiling sweetly and nodding in all the right places. Who knows? I might want to come back full throttle. I might not! I don't want to shoot yself in the foot by giving her a straight no, but at the same time I don't want to commit to anything if I'm not sure I can folllow it through. As professionals we all know what our limits are and if you're not comfortable agreeing to something, don't agree to it. You don't have to say why, but without mentioning having a family you've already put across a strong case for keeping things the way they are. Most importantly, be happy with what you do and how you do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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