Looking For A Poem! Help Needed Please

[SazzJ]

Hi everyone

 

A while back I saw a poem/verse on here for parents with children with SEN. The poem was about going on holiday and not arriving in your chosen destination.

 

Does anyone know where i can find it please?

[Gezabel]

I think it is Welcome to Holland and there is also a follow up called Celebrating Holland.

Hope they are what you are looking for I have attached both.

WELCOME_TO_HOLLAND.doc

celebrating__holland_I__m_home.doc

[SazzJ]

I think it is Welcome to Holland and there is also a follow up called Celebrating Holland.

Hope they are what you are looking for I have attached both.

 

Just what I after. Thank you x

[Guest]

Many parents with children with SEN dislike the Holland poem and prefer this one.

 

 

WELCOME TO BEIRUT by Susan F. Rzucidlo

 

(Beginner's Guide to Autism)

 

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with

autism-to try and help people who have not shared in that unique

experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like

this.."

 

There you are, happy in your life, one or two little ones at your

feet. Life is complete and good. One of the children is a little

different than the other but of course, he's like your in-laws, and

you did marry into the family. It can't be all that bad. One day

someone comes up from behind you and throws a black bag over your

head. They start kicking you in the stomach and trying to tear your

heart out. You are terrified, kicking and screaming you struggle to

get away but there are too many of them, they overpower you and stuff

you into a trunk of a car. Bruised and dazed, you don't know where

you are. What's going to happen to you? Will you live through this?

This is the day you get the diagnosis. "YOUR CHILD HAS AUTISM"!

 

There you are in Beirut, dropped in the middle of a war. You don't

know the language and you don't know what is going on. Bombs are

dropping "Life long diagnosis" and "Neurologically impaired". Bullets

whiz by "refrigerator mother" " A good smack is all HE needs to

straighten up". Your adrenaline races as the clock ticks away your

child's chances for "recovery". You sure as heck didn't sign up for

this and want out NOW! God has over estimated your abilities.

 

Unfortunately, there is no one to send your resignation to. You've

done everything right in your life, well you tried, well, you weren't

caught too often. Hey! you've never even heard of autism before. You

look around and everything looks the same, but different. Your family

is the same, your child is the same, but now he has a label and you

have a case worker assigned to your family. She'll call you soon. You

feel like a lab rat dropped into a maze.

 

Just as you start to get the first one figured out ( early

intervention) they drop you into a larger more complex one (school).

Never to be out done, there is always the medical intervention maze.

That one is almost never completed.

 

There is always some new "miracle" drug out there. It helps some

kids, will it help yours? You will find some if the greatest folks in

the world are doing the same maze you are, maybe on another level but

a special-ed maze just the same. Tapping into those folks is a great

life line to help you get through the day. This really sucks but hey,

there are still good times to be had. WARNING! You do develop and odd

sense of humor. Every so often you get hit by a bullet or bomb not

enough to kill you, only enough to leave a gaping wound. Your child

regresses for no apparent reason, and it feels like a kick in the

stomach. Some bully makes fun of your kid and your heart aches.

You're excluded from activities and functions because of your child

and you cry. Your other children are embarrassed to be around your

disabled child and you sigh. You're insurance company refuses to

provide therapies for "chronic, life long conditions" and your blood

pressure goes up. Your arm aches from holding onto the phone with yet

another bureaucrat or doctor or therapist who holds the power to

improve or destroy the quality of your child's life with the stroke

of a pen. You're exhausted because your child doesn't sleep.

 

And yet, hope springs eternal.

 

Yes there is hope. There ARE new medications. There IS research going

on. There are interventions that help. Thank God for all those who

fought so hard before you came along. Your child will make progress.

When he speaks for the first time, maybe not until he is 8 yrs old,

your heart will soar. You will know that you have experienced a

miracle and you will rejoice. The smallest improvement will look like

a huge leap to you. You will marvel at typical development and

realize how amazing it is. You will know sorrow like few others and

yet you will know joy above joy. You will meet dirty faced angels on

playgrounds who are kind to your child without being told to be.

There will be a few nurses and doctors who treat your child with

respect and who will show you concern and love like few others.

Knowing eyes will meet yours in restaurants and malls, they'll

understand, they are living through similar times. For those people

you will be forever grateful. Don't get me wrong. This is war and its

awful. There are no discharges and when you are gone someone else

will have to fight in your place.

 

But, there are lulls in wars, times when the bullets aren't flying

and bombs aren't dropping. Flowers are seen and picked. Life long

friendships are forged. You share and odd kinship with people from

all walks of life. Good times are had, and because we know how bad

the bad times are, the good times are even better. Life is good but

your life in never normal again, but hey, what fun is normal.

[Gezabel]

Gosh not seen or heard of that one before but having read it a few times I think overall it paints a pretty bleak picture

 

I imagine as a parent having heard a diagnosis and reading something which uses an analogy of war I would be even more concerned than when I got the diagnosis. Of course I am hypothesising as I have never been in that situation and acknowledge if I were I may feel differently.

 

Interersted to hear others thoughts. I just found 'welcome to Holland' generally 'nicer' or perhaps more gentle not sure

[Guest]

I love the Holland ones and tend to agree with Gezabel about the other one.

I teach children with autism and often the day they get the diagnosis is the best day of their parents' lives because they've often been panicking for years about why their child doesn't act like like the others in their family/ playgroup/ school.

I've had parents who thought that their child had a brain tumour or some other life threatening illness. Also I've had parents who believed what others told them, that their child was just naughty and needed a good telling off. For all these parents autism was fantastic news because it meant that their child was not going to die and could be helped to cope with all their issues and that they were not bad parents.

I know that it can be very hard dealing with children with ASD and sometimes you might feel like you're fighting a war but the majority of the time it's not like that at all. I think giving that poem to a parent of an autistic child might make them feel that the hard time that they're having will never improve.

I like that the Holland one focuses on the positive.

[Guest]

Another View

[Guest]

Another View

 

A mixture of both... that's probably more accurate!

[Gezabel]

Another View

Interesting read and as I have not experienced having a son or daughter with autism I am not in a position to really say which of the two is a more accurate analogy. I guess they both have a place and both will help different parents in different ways.

I think (but not sure) that Welcome to Holland was written when the author had a child with Down Syndrome which of course is very different to autism.

[Guest]

Interesting read and as I have not experienced having a son or daughter with autism I am not in a position to really say which of the two is a more accurate analogy. I guess they both have a place and both will help different parents in different ways.

I think (but not sure) that Welcome to Holland was written when the author had a child with Down Syndrome which of course is very different to autism.

 

it is very different but I think the analogy still stands

[Upsy Daisy]

There are as many experiences as there are parents.

 

I was one of those people who were desperate for my child to get a diagnosis because she so needed the support which was contingent on it. I was happy, smiling and thanking the professionals but, in common with most other parents, I was also shocked and grieving. No matter how hard you have fought to get your child a diagnosis you will still find yourself plunged into a very dark place at times.

 

I'm doing the same for my younger daughter at the moment. I know that a diagnosis will give her the chance of much better school provision and I also know that hearing it officially and seeing it in writing will still be a big kick in the teeth.

 

I think those stories and poems can help some parents but they can also upset others and I don't think there's any way to predict who will react in which way.