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Help! I Have A Dilemma!


dottyp
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Last February we had a 2yr old join the group who's behaviour was a danger to other children.

After several conversations with a very agressive and un-cooperative parent to try to resolve the issues, she withdrew her child.

She also left the Committee and left a trail of verbal distruction behind her within the setting and on the school playground next door! I had previous dealings with this parent when i approached her two years previously about her son's behaviour, but again, received verbal abuse and threats! (incidently, her son was later diagnosed with ADD). I cannot believe that she has asked if she can 'try again' and re-enrol her son within our setting. I am trying to remain professional and forget the dreadful ordeal my staff, other parents and committee went through and have been having restless nights trying to reach a decision!! Your advice would be greatly appreicated if you have every found yourself in such an unfortunate predicament!

 

dottyp :o

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Bit of a tricky one maybe as I imagine your first thought may be 'oh no not again'. Having said that the child is now a year older and I think mum perhaps deserves some credit for approaching you and asking for another chance. In general terms I tend to think that everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe you could meet with mum to discuss things before giving a straight yes/no. I would make it clear that you (if you decide yes!) are drawing a line in the sand and starting afresh, I would also make my expectations of her behaviour very clear, without a sound working partnership with mum things are more difficult than they might be. She needs to be prepared to agree with any behaviour strategies you put in place etc etc

 

If it were me and i said no I think I would always wonder whether things could have worked, just wonder whether it is a possibility to suggest some sort of an intitial trial period? but some how that doesn't sit quiet right with me.

 

Sorry probably not much help but overall i think I would say yes but then I haven't had the first hand experience of the family in question that you have.

 

Good luck with making your decision - oh and just another thought - can you refuse a child a place without good reason and if not (and you decided to say no) i think you would have to have a 'watertight' reason for saying no. We state that the only reason a child will be refused a place is if we haven't got one and then they can go on the waiting list.

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I would be inclined to say yes as well. Maybe mum's 'aggression' was simply her feeling backed into a corner and she came out fighting for her child?Maybe she was fed up with other people telling her how awful her son was? Been there, done that myself! I would also give her credit for coming back to you........see it as an olive branch,it will also make other people realise that things can't have been as bad as she was claiming, if she is asking for her child to return to you. I would also try hard NOT to have any preconceptions about her child, it's been a whole year since he was with you last, so he may well have changed considerably in that time. Draw a line under this family's past history, today is a new day, so treat it as such. Choose his key person well, someone who will also regard him as a new child, not someone who was a'problem' when he was with you previously. Take a deep breath and welcome them in.Good luck.

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I agree with both of the above posters, we all deserve a second chance and the fact she has asked to try again is a good sign. As has been already stated it will need to be a clean slate, clear guidelines for the parent on what you will and won't accept from both the child and her behaviour wise and an agreement on her part that as professionals if you say he needs extra support, assessment etc that she will allow this to happen. Point out it is in everyones best interests that you are open and honest if things are getting tough , and that you can only support her and the child if she trusts you and you will do the same to her.

Good Luck in whatever you decide :o

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I agree to consider having the child back but first I would be asking;

 

1/ Where has he been for the last year?

2/ If in another setting, what is mothers reason for leaving it?

3/ If in another setting, would the mother agree for the previous setting to share the child's development record with you?

 

As others have said yes, put a line in the sand regards previous incident BUT I do think it needs to be aired and discussed first with the mother, in a non blaming way but to at least acknowledge what she went through and the effect on your setting. Clear the air and get an agreement to start again in partnership.

 

Let us know how things go.

 

 

Peggy

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