Can't Poo, Won't Poo?

[Guest]

I'm not sure which section to put this one in!

 

We have a little boy who is 4 and 3 months. Lovely, intelligent articulate boy, has a slighty older sibling. He is quite 'stubborn' and likes to be in control, nothing bad in that, I think that is just going to be his nature. If you say something is going to happen and then it doesn't he always remembers and sometimes gets irritable " but you said we were going to have lunch next' etc. Mum and Dad really nice, thoughtful, child-centred.

 

He seems to have become 'stuck' with doing poos anywhere but in his pants. He took a long time to come out of pull-ups and then a long time to move from potty to toilet. He is still very fussy about which toilets he uses and still likes to use a loo seat unless someone from his family holds him on an ordinary seat. He has a bladder of steel and can hold his wee in from 8.30 to 3.30 waiting until he gets home.

 

He never does a poo at Pre-school, he only does them at home and then he goes off into a quiet room by himself and does one in his pants. He has been doing this for about 6 months now. Family don't want to put him back into pull-ups as they feel that would be a backwards step. He does the poo at a different time each day so they can't predict. They have tried sitting him on potty and loo at various times, for short and long periods, with or without a book, with an adult, on his own, They have tried rewards, sticker charts, bribery but he is adamant that he won't do them on loo or potty. They have tried buying really nice pants in the hope that he won't want to spoil them. He is sad if they are ruined and have to be thrown away but not so sad that he is prepared to try the loo/potty.

He is certainly a boy who likes to do things on his terms.

I do not know what else to suggest to Mum.

Any ideas?

His is also a very fussy eater but that's a whole other thread!!

[Guest]

Hi,

 

The only other thing I can think of other than all of your suggestion is perhaps going with mum or dad when they go to the toilet, not a nice thought I know but if he really is worried about him then it might do him some good to realise that everybody does it and it is nothing to worry about. What about going on a potty, I know he is a little old but he needs to start somewhere. I had a little girl who used to hold her wee in and she ended up being very very uncomfortable but refused to go back in a nappy, she used to get very upset and so did I watching her. She would not go on the toilet at all and I think we eventually persuaded her to wear pull ups. I personally don't like pull ups but would have done anything to put her ut of the pain she was in, I even said to her at one stage it didn't matter if she wet her pants, I would clean it up. I know this probably wasn't the best thing to say but she as just so uncomfortable so maybe you should check that this little boy isn't suffering because he is holding his wee all day.

[bubblejack]

It seems as this little boy could be using toilet/ food issues to try to control adults.

For some reason many children seem to have this problem. Our health visitor advises parents to stick a nappy to toilet pan then if child performs replace nappy with toilet tissue.

[Guest]

Had something similar with my own son and I was recommended two things which really helped. (Not completely solved still but much better).

 

Firstly, get hold of the book 'Everybody Poos':

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Everybody-Poos-Tar...i/dp/0711220468

 

Also look at the eric website, www.eric.org.uk.

 

Good luck, it's much more common a problem than you'd think.

[currycraver]

We have a child who is on the autistic spectrum who is going to school in January. he uses a toilet but not for poos which he now hangs onto till he gets home. We tried using favourite toys-plastic so we can sterilise it for him to use on potty but that hasn't helped. We also have a girl who won't wee at nursery but ends up wetting just around home time. We don't make an issue of it in the hope that they will go if not pressurised. We still offer them to go as we do with other children. To put it into perspective for most children this will not be an issue with soiling when they are much older- That said many children prefer to use thir own toilet rather than school ones- When I have visited some schools I can understand why. Sorry to ramble....

[Guest]

Maybe get him to clean his pants rather than throw them away - a kind of logical consequence of what he's doing.

unfortunately it sounds like the issue is much bigger than just toileting.

i often find that for children who seek control over adults offering too much choice is not helpful - it might be more clearer to say "when you do this, this is what happens"

[Guest]

... or maybe a visit to the doctor just to make sure its nothing medical?

[Guest]

We had a little boy who had a similar problem which his Mum overcame by cutting a hole in the bottom of his pants ! She sat him on the loo with his pants on and when he did his poo it landed in the desired place . We all thought it rather amusing but it really seemed to help him overcome his fear .

[apple]

Have you suggested to mum and dad taking him to Mongolia to see a shayman!! The programme on BBC 3 last night told the tale of an autistic boy who would not 'poop' on the toilet- just in his pants. The shayman worked for him

On a more practical and serious note I would definately ask for support for mum and dad from the health visitor of Dr as like others have said there could be a more serious underlying problem; control being just one issue.

We had a little girl last year who would not use the toilet and she became doubled-up in pain as she refused to poo in the loos- we always had to call for a familt member to come and collect her. As she ws due to move into our recpetion this year we made sure part of her transition period was to visit the reception toilets in order to get used to them. She is not 110% but getting there

I do hope you manage to sort things for yiur little boy x

[Alison]

im not 100% sure this is is a control thing but as I dont know the boy I can only speak from my own experiences

 

I hated the school toliets and never in all my school days did I ever do a poo at school and Im sure there are probably lots of people who dont like doing poos any where but home, so I wouldnt worry too much if he doesnt do a poo at school

 

as for pooing in his pants.... I would avoid making an issue of "poo in pants verses toilets"

he is an intelligent child who can learn to clean himself after an accident, if he has to clean himself every time then there is no fuss in soiling his pants the novelty of parents and adults helping him is removed and over time he may get fed up of this chore and chose to use the toilet or potty for himself

 

if he accepts that he needs to clean himself and still continues soil his pants then it suggests he has issues with the toilet or possibly medical - not controling his parents

 

I hope you manage to find a solution it seems strange but this problem is becoming more common we have had 3 children in the last 18 months with very similar toileting problems

 

 

 

 

......just wondering have they tried taking him to have a poo at pauls?(sorry just my warped humour)

[Guest]

That's it! That's the solution! He's going to do a poo at Paul's house, where it always smells fresh!

That really made me laugh.

 

Thanks chaps. Some great suggestions. I like the ideas of encouraging him to clean up after himself and maybe wash his pants or at least put them in the machine and the idea of him not getting attention for doing the poo in pants. Also interested in cutting a hole in pants. I wondered about those Baby Bjorn potties where the pot bit lifts out. I wonder if it would sit inside the loo seat? I know sometimes children don't like the sensation of something 'falling out' of them. I think I can identify with that feeling similar to your first trip to the loo post-childbirth! Uuugh! Let's not go there...

 

I too feel like he is trying to control adults with his eating and toileting. Anybody have any ideas why some children feel the need to control adults in this way? Is he just going to have a 'Monica' type personality? Or could it be that he feels that his parents are not in control enough and not giving him clear boundaries therefore he has the 'power'? I have to say though that they don't appear to be like this. Mum is a primary teacher and certainly seems to be very fair if maybe a little busy?

[dratsum]

have they tried taking his pants off at home. if he has no pants to poo in maybe he would use the potty/toilet ??? i could be very very wrong and he will still go hide somewhere.

i had a little girl who did the same, mum got around it by faking the plop sound making her think she'd do one (i know sounds mad but for her she got scared of pain and it made her believe she had poo-ed pain free!!!!!!!)

[Guest]

I had years of poo problems with mine until i discovered he had an intolerance. before that he was soiling himself almost daily i was being called in to school to clean him up. it transpired that his poo and bottom were such that he was not aware he was passing it.

 

 

we had tried rewards, toys, various potties, Drs, health visitors, making him clean him self up, nice pants.

 

 

at the worst pointi hadto leave tescos to return to school twice in one shopping trip and a chance remark by the assistant i left my trolley with each time made me think.

 

so we kept food/poo diaries for a while and found the triggers. so we have got good at knowing what to avoid and when. and as it s an intolerance not an allergy during the holidays he eats what he wants, and he is getting better at managing it and he chooses not to eat the things that make him really bad. ( he is 11 now)