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Hello there all

just wanted some advise. I have a little girl in my nursery group who still has not settled into nursery since September. When I say hasn't settled the situation is this. She cannot leave her mother or father's side, she won't sit on the mat with the other children unless her mother/father sits down on a chair either and she has to ahve her hand on the parents leg to keep contact and security. If they try to leave (and we have done all the 'i'm going for a coffee and i will be back in 5 mins routines etc) she makes herself sick (being an afternoon child you can imagine that this is pretty yukky as all the dinner makes a reappearence!) The time it takes for me to clear this is time taken away from the others too. We have tried to work throught the sickness but it becomes so distressing to see.


I have tried the usual techniques but the vomiting always follows with the leaving of mum/dad. Her crying is such as pitch that the rest of the children although understanding at first are getting to the stage were some of them are becoming upset or withdrawn as we cannot be heard and any teaching goes out of the window.


It has got so bad that I really feel for this poor mite! We have had to take the step of limiting her attendance to 3 days a week (these are the only days mum can stay) and for an hour only. She joins the rest of the group after our focused acitivity as mum and I agreed that she wasn't getting as much out of it due to her anxiety and that it wasn't fair on the other children. She now comes for just over an hour 'stay and play' type session to try to build her confidence.

However, I do feel that we are getting nowhere in terms of her ability to leave her carer and worry for her for next year when she has to start school.


The child in question is a summer born and uses a second language, although I have taught two of her siblings who settled well and used English well too. This little girl seems so tiny and young, almost not ready and I just do not know what strategy would be best for her.

Can anyone advise please?

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Poor chick - you and her!


We had the same thing last year and in the end we kept on with the stay and play policy approach, coupled with the odd, ooh let mummy go for a coffee etc alongside times when child never came near - no statutory attendance at nursery!


We are having same prob this year with her sibling, so now we know what we suspected was true - its partly a parental driven issue - they have passed on, unwittingly or openly - their own anxieties!? Who knows?


Anyhow, I had exactly the same worries as you and do you know what, no worries! Child from last year is in top groups for everything and is so keen to come everyday its like nothing was ever a problem!


Eeh when I think back to how I was treated ....... another day perhaps!


That was in the days when you could not start school unitl the term after you were 5! OOH showing my age methinks!


Good luck!



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