Guest Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Hi-I'm posting this really for my own sanity.I maybe posting it in the wrong place but this section of the forum says it just accessable to full members so I feel safer in discussing it. A child in our setting has suffered a terrible tragedy and i can't get it off my mind.A few weeks ago Social services made enquiries regarding this child and we replied in all honesty that we had no concerns, the child was clean, well presented, not hungry, gave no concerns with regards to play or discussions that would ring alarm bells but attendence was a bit irratic and she was picked up by various people. Last week they contacted us again after an incident at home involving this child and we again said we had no concerns and that attendance had improved since the previous enquiry.Unfortunately the incident has now resulted in a tragic outcome.I have spoke to my collegue briefly and we are both shocked. It is difficult because nursery has broken up so there is no one to discuss it with so its rolling round and around in my head.Did we miss something? hand on heart we had no concerns and we were supprised by the first enquiry.Could we have done more for the family? Did we not hear something? what if... what if.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gezabel Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Hi Firstly I am soo sorry to hear of the tragic outcome and can only try and imagine how you and your colleagues must feel. Perhaps more importantly I truly think that from what you say there is nothing you could or should have done. You say 'hand on heart - no concerns' you know that was true and whilst I totally understand you now questioning yourself I can only suggest that you hang on to that 'hand on heart - no concerns' and hopefully once the shock subsides a little you will be able to see more clearly and know there is nothing more you could have done. I think we all tend to question ourselves with the what if's, should I?, could I? but I think it only results in added stress. It's easy for me to sit here and say all this but I am not emotionally involved and I realise for you it's not easy to reassure yourself that you did everything right. Sending you virtual hugs and hope this helps a little Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreamay Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 oh biccy im so sorry i agree with geraldine and need to send my thoughts I understand why you would feel like this and also send a virtual hug x Andrea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Hi Biccy dont beat yourself up about this, unfortunately these things happen and you can only react to the info you have at the time. Maybe you need to contact your head. There may be some counselling or something you can access. Take care of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Biccy, So sorry to hear about this situation that you are left, due to end of term timing, to worry about on your own. Thankfully you have a voice and a listening ear with us, but understand that this is not as comforting as having someone 'present' to talk things through with, especially where confidentialities are concerned. Be assured the lounge area is restricted to members only. Agree with Geraldine, you can only report what you see and know, every early years practitioner is trained to the highest standard to notice any concerns, so believe me there were no signs for you to miss, the child must have felt totally secure in your setting. Virtual hugs from me too. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Please don't beat yourself up biccy we can only comment on what we see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Biccy what an awful situation which you have dealt with as best as you can. Just remember what a safe haven you provided for this child while they were in your care, try not to think about what might have been. Even if you had of had an inkling things weren't right then it may not have been acted on quickly enough or the parents/carer might have taken the child away completely not allowing them the enjoyment and safety of nursery. I send my biggest hug out to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narnia Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 you told the truth as you and your staff saw it at the time......................the child seemed to be well cared for and that's what you reported.You cannot take whatever has happened on your shoulders and i'd suggest you call your local social services for advice and support.They will be able to help you through this and if necessary, answer your questions. Remember this though...............................if you WEREN'T the caring person you obviously are, then you wouldn't be so upset.This child had good care while she was with you and you might have been the one safe, constant factor in her life.Hold on to that. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Thankyou for your replies. If this was term time we would be able to talk this through as the strong team we are.Unfortunately some are on holiday unware of what as happened.I have talked to my husband but I have to say its not the same as talking these specific issues through with my nursery family so its great to have a forum family I'm sorry that for confidenciality reasons it was vague.The child is safe, has suffered no physical harm and but her life will never be the same again. I think its my nuturing/mothering instinct that is questioning if i could helped a family in difficulty more. There have been threads about sharing information between settings and services with the new framework.I do hope this comes about and issues between settings and agencies are set aside for the benefit of the children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I sincerely hope you are right biccy but I fear that the CAF will make information sharing more difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Oh biccy I do feel for you. I can only echo what everybody else has said - I hope you can find yourself some support over the next few days to come to terms with what has happened to this child. I would just say one thing though - often when we learn something has happened/has been going on we are able to point to things that have happened or have been said in the past, which didn't make sense at the time but with hindsight enables the pieces of the puzzle to be put together. Clearly you had no idea about what was going to happen to this child, and you have no need to blame yourself or wonder whether you missed anything. Be good to yourself biccy - and remember we're all here for you whenever you need us. Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Like the others have said, you can only report on what you see. Hindsite would be a wonderful gift but in reality you have done all that you are trained to do. Wait for all your staff to come back and have a meal (doesn't have to be at a restaurant) and talk it through. Just remember some people are very good at hiding things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beau Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Hi Biccy, Obviously we don't know what your situation is but I just wanted to add one thing. I am a very private person and tend to 'put up a front' in public. There have been times in the past when there were things happening in my life causing me real grief and trauma but only my very closest friends and relatives would have been aware that anything was amiss. Don't beat yourself up about whatever has happened - we can only comment on what we see and know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wolfie Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I can only echo what everyone else has said biccy - we're all here for you and are all sending the hugest virtual hug together! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Hi Biccy I went through a similar incudent not long ago, its difficult because you can only report on what you see and I too had never had any concerns about the child in question. I know its easy to say dont beat yourself up over it because i know I did. take care and be assured that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Jojom x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 There have been times in the past when there were things happening in my life causing me real grief and trauma but only my very closest friends and relatives would have been aware that anything was amiss. I'd agree with Beau: often this applies to children and sometimes this isn't discussed in child protection training - children become very adept at hiding what is going on in their lives even from those who work closely with them. If 'strength of character' is prized within a family and the only praise a child receives is because they are so grown up and can cope very well no matter what stress they or the family is under, they can begin to prize this 'skill' within themselves. Its a short leap from here to understand how children can begin to see themselves as the ones who keep the family's secrets and hold the family together: and how this becomes the major source of their developing self esteem and self image. These patterns of behaviour can be learned very early in life - and if biccy's little girl had begun to feel this way about herself it would be very very difficult to know that anything was amiss. Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Wiser heads than mine have commented - I really hope all works out well for you Sue xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 (edited) I sincerely hope you are right biccy but I fear that the CAF will make information sharing more difficult. I totally agree with you- people run scared when they see the form and i'm not convinced agencies will work as a team- I still think some of them think we as teachers know nothing. helen Edited July 26, 2008 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 It's pretty much like that for NNs, too! BTW, welcome, Helen, haven't encountered you before! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmawill Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I totally agree with you- people run scared when they see the form and i'm not convinced agencies will work as a team- I still think some of them think we as teachers know nothing.helen I agree I had a situation when a social services contacted me regarding a child following a complaint from the childs neighbour. I had previousley noted a bruise on the child but did not feel the need to do anything other that log in our records. Anyway to cut a long story short. the complaint resulted in a conference meeting with social services,police,health visitors and me and I was made to feel really bad when asked if I had any issues i replied no apart from the bruise Social services then said why hadn't i Reported it as the child had previously been on the at risk register. I did not know this and mentioned the cAF AS the health visitor knew this and was told by the parent that he had started with me and I wanted to know why I wasn't told this information as I thought it was supposed to be passed on. I was met with a big silence and the subject was changed quickley!!!!!!!!!! so i do not think that this system works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 The last three days of term were spent filling in four CAF forms as neither the social workers, school nurse, or CAMHS had been trained but I had (lucky me) If parents say the information can't be shared once it's filled in then that's that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.