Bullying Policy

[Guest]

Hello

Does anyone have a specific bullying policy for pre-school. Ive had a look at the member-donated policies and I have noticed that the behaviour policy seems to cover this a little bit.

 

My problem is that I have one child at the minute that seems to be targeting another child, saying things like "You're stupid" "You're not my friend" The problem is that as a staff team, we have not heard any of this, because although there is nowhere that the children are unsupervised, with 24 children, we do not hear every word. The targeted child will not come and tell us when it is happening, and parent is quite rightly upset, as it is affecting child's self-esteem. Have regular talks with parent, have spoken to parent of other child, etc. Have spoken to targeted child, and asked him to tell us when it is happening but he won't. Have spoken to child who is saying alleged comments, and told him that these words are not acceptable, but situation is difficult because we cant act when it happens. With a total of 3 members of staff, we try to stay as close to this child as possible to keep him away from other boy, but it is not always possible.

 

Any advice - I can see this problem getting worse otherwise. We also use circle time opportunities to try and address problems.

 

G

[Sue R]

What a shame this should be happening so young! I can't, offhand, think of much more you could be doing. These kind of comments often fly about amongst young children, but usually it's all forgotten two minutes later, 'targeting' in this way seems a bit worrying. How long has it been going on?

 

Sue

[Guest]

I agree you seem to already be doing a lot to address this problem, including parental partnership.

Might I suggest that you also work with the parent of the targeted child to develop his/her confidence, with the end goal of being able to stand up for his rights within his peer group. We try to teach the children in our group the words and actions to deal with such situations, ie: If someone is being unkind, you can say " Don't call me names" and walk away from them. This is not achieved over night, but we have seen over a period of time some of our children beginning to stand up for themselves in an appropriate way.

Sadly, even at this young age, I think children can "sense" which other children are "victims", easy targets, compared to other more confident children.

It's also important to understand ( which I'm sure you do) that at this young age, the "bully" doesn't fully understand yet the consequences of their actions. They maybe role modelling own experience or there are many other factors which result in this behaviour.

 

Good luck.

 

Peggy

[Beau]

Goldilocks,

It really sounds like you're working hard to resolve the problem. I really can't add anything more helpful - you and Peggy seem to have covered all the bases! We don't have a specific bullying policy - this is covered under behaviour management for us too. I'm afraid this is probably one of those situations where it will take quite a lot of patience to resolve it. I have a child who 'picks' on another child regularly but I know that she has a difficult time at home with an older sister who does this to her. As Peggy says understanding why the child is displaying the behaviour helps when you are dealing with it.

[Guest]

Hi

Thanks for the advice everyone. Sue, problem seems to have been happening since January approximately once or twice a week (according to parent), and I agree with Peggy that said child probably doesnt understand the consequences of his actions (he's only 3, and in general, a very adoreable little boy), although father of targeted boy says that he has "an evil glint in his eye" which doesnt help!

 

I think the problem is also that I am only a couple of years out of NVQ training, and sometimes these types of situations are as new to me as they are to parents, and although I think we manage the behaviour of the children well, its the 'settling down' of angry/upset parents that I find difficult - i.e. knowing the right thing to say.

 

Father of targeted boy often asks why I think this other child is saying these things. I do think that its down to role modelling - he has a few older brothers and sisters, and I happened to say this. But I think this has made the situation worse, because now the father is ready for intervening with the parent himself (which I have asked him not to do). So one thing I have learned from this is not to get into a discussion about what I 'imagine' is happening!

 

G

[Guest]

All credit to you Goldilocks, from what you have said you are learning very fast.

If it's any consolation, after 20 years experience I am still learning. but it does get easier the more confidence you gain through experience. The main lesson I have learnt is that there is never an answer that "fits all" ( if you know what I mean).

 

good luck

Peggy

[Guest]

Many thanks Peggy - very glad of the support.