"Children need a Daddy For many, many things: Like holding them high off the ground Where the sunlight sings!" (Anon) Time is the most precious thing we can give to one another and our children yet it's a luxury we do not seem to have much of in today's hectic and busy, increasingly fast paced world. How can we encourage parents to spend more time engaging with the setting? It is a question we need to ask a lot more now that the Early Years Foundation Stage and current legislation has placed a requirement on early years settings and schools to develop effective parental partnerships. The Early Years Foundation Stage is a play based framework that, as we know, we must deliver by law. It says that "Parents are children's first and most enduring educators. When parents and practitioners work together in early years settings, the results have a positive impact on children's development and learning." (EYFS Themes and Commitments card 2.2.) When we talk about positive partnerships with parents one can't help but feeling that generally we mean 'mothers' as they tend to be the ones doing most of the dropping off and picking up from settings. The 'Engaging Fathers' report (DfES, 2004) illustrated clearly the positive role that fathers have and the need for us to consider their role further in terms of involving mothers and fathers equally in our settings: 'Research shows us that both fathers and mothers impact on their children's development - sometimes in similar, and sometimes in quite different ways. The combined influence of fathers and mothers is also important. Taking action to include both parents in the life of the school and in their children's learning can make a significant and positive difference to children's achievements, motivation and self-esteem.' Why focus on fathers? Well, fathers face additional barriers to involvement including traditional belief systems about gender roles; they are more likely to work full-time and more likely to have had bad experiences of school themselves. (Goldman 2005) It is clear and easy to see the benefits of involvement and that children are likely to achieve more, feel better about themselves and have better outcomes if their parents are involved but it is not quite as easy on a practical level for us as practitioners to get them involved. So what stops involvement? Maybe if we understand a little more about the barriers to involvement, we can problem solve more effectively. Barriers include; Time and pressures in a busy life Work commitments Childcare needs Own education level or confidence to come into the setting as a result of past personal experiences Pressures due to illness, disability, single-parent status, lack of money etc. English is not the first language Attitudes: 'It's the school's/setting's job' Feeling unwelcome and not trusting staff Poor experience of other professionals Inability to understand or share educational approaches/underlying themes, commitments, pedagogy and principles Past ongoing experience of discrimination such as race, gender, class, sexual orientation, disability, faith etc. Practitioners attitudes of not valuing or listening to parents' view of the child Practitioners lacking knowledge and experience in talking to parents Parents not confident in the face of professional expertise Practitioners not able to articulate or communicate educational approach effectively Cultural attitudes such as not wanting to be involved because it's time parents want to meet friends for a coffee, go shopping or to the gym etc. When recently delivering a 'Parents as Partners' training session I asked the parents to list qualities that they most valued in the practitioners caring for their children. I also asked practitioners to identify qualities they were looking for in parents to support the positive partnership needed. Some of the commonalities on both lists were: Being approachable and understanding Active listening and gentle not pushy encouragement/helpful reminders Not being too quick to judge Recognising that everyone has issues in their life and problems that they are dealing with and treating one another sensitively and respectfully If sharing a 'difficult day' always end on a positive that gives 'hope' that things will get better - 'tomorrow is a new day/fresh start' Going the extra mile 'sometime above and beyond the call of duty' in exceptional circumstances and just 'being there through the good times and the bad' Patience and a sense of humour A chance to explain/way out/private place to speak in confidence The importance of trusting respectful relationships Don't compare children (whether parent or practitioner recognize the 'uniqueness of every child, parent and practitioner). It helps to begin with the firm belief that all parents are interested in the development and progress of their children in the face of all of these barriers to involvement. Only then can we move forward creatively to help parents become involved. Sometimes it will be easy because parents want that involvement or a barrier can be addressed simply and effectively "Okay Mrs. Smith, you may not feel confident to read a story to the group but Alice tells me that you are wonderful at baking (thank you for the cup cakes you brought in to celebrate her birthday last week). Would you like to come and help in a session next week when we will be baking bread after reading the story of 'The Little Red Hen?" Maybe a dad can offer some practical help :"Mr. Jones would you mind taking a look at our outdoor area please because we are hoping to develop it having raised some money recently and Joe tells me that you are a carpenter. Would you be interested in making some stools and benches for us to sit on and enjoy story or circle time outside?" Who knows you may even get an enthusiastic response "I'll build you a climbing frame too if you like!" So what gets fathers in particular involved? Again, it's about a variety of options and a balance of being warm, respectful, approachable and flexible without being pushy. Consider; Adapting the template letter below to suit your setting's particular style and parental needs. A letter like this at the beginning of child's time with you is like a contract and sets up a reasoned, research based, respectful expectation that at some point in whatever way shape or form parents choose, each one, for the benefit of their child, should be involved. Practitioners having professional and positive attitudes, welcoming fathers personally Inviting non-resident fathers to events, sending regular information to them Inviting other male dominated professions (firemen, policemen, armed forces, chef, gardeners etc.) into the setting on a day fathers are invited to help them feel more comfortable Ask the children to send personal invitations to their fathers/male family members (granddad and uncles) Plan projects that involve hands on work with the children such as den building, ICT, outings, gardening/planting, building, sport or a 'Father's Day' event etc. Consult with your cohort of fathers to see what they would like to get involved with Ensure displays, books, images and posters reflect images of fathers and young children. I used this letter in my last four years of teaching and was delighted and quite amazed to have 100% participation of not only both parents at one time in the year or another joining in, but extended family members when mum or dad could not make it e.g. 'Aunty Cheryl' came to 'Mother's Day Tea' for a little girl whose mummy had to work. No amount of planning or preparation could have prevented this particular mum being called away last minute due to the nature of her job, but the fact that we had all planned for 'alternative others' and included them in our initial invitations meant that tears of disappointment were prevented and that was simply priceless. Mummy came in on another day instead to read a story and share a birthday cake so that little girl was doubly lucky in many ways! A daddy did not make it to 'den building' in the forest as a result of an accident on the train but he was fine and came the next day to enjoy a picnic lunch in the den his son built for him anyway. Tears were unavoidable on the actual day of den building as none of us knew what had happened until collection time but the special quality time enjoyed the following day as the only child in the class to have daddy made up for the heart ache of the day before! There's a famous saying "If you fail to plan, then plan to fail" and whilst I agree with this in part and willingly share my template letter with you below (to help you in your future planning to maximize parental involvement in your setting), I also believe that no amount of planning or preparation can replace a willing, positive, problem-solving and reflective practitioner who is constantly striving to be flexible in the face of the many challenges and dilemmas that we encounter in early years. You are the most important resource in this and parents are more likely to engage and be involved when you truly believe that those 'hard to reach families' really can be reached and encouraged to engage with that common goal to make things better for their children. Letter to encourage parental engagement Dear .................(Parent/Carer's name), As children do best when parents and professionals work together, we are writing to you to invite you to come into our setting/nursery/pre-school at some point during your child's time with us to enjoy being a part of their education. Research has proven that when parents are actively engaged in their child's learning it can have a profoundly positive impact on a child's sense of well being, their self esteem and levels of achievement. We want your child to feel happy, safe, valued and able to achieve their full potential. We recognise that a positive partnership with you is an essential part of being able to achieve this for your child/children. The Early Years Foundation Stage is a play based framework that we must deliver by law. It says that "Parents are children's first and most enduring educators. When parents and practitioners work together in early years settings, the results have a positive impact on children's development and learning." (EYFS Themes and Commitments card 2.2.) Therefore, please would you be so kind as to consider one of the many ways you may like to get involved? It does not have to be on a regular basis and the list is just a prompt and is by no means exhaustive. If you have an idea or skill of your own that you would like to share, rather than choosing one from the list, please don't be shy, talk to your child's key person/setting deputy or manager to organise a mutually convenient arrangement - your idea could be just what we are looking for to support children's current interests! Don't wait to be asked! There are many ways you can help and get involved. 1. Reading a story in your home language/mother tongue 2. Helping on an outing or trip 3. Supervising or taking the lead in an activity like sewing, painting, making cards, baking or gardening/planting. 4. Coming to visit with a sibling or a new baby for a morning or afternoon. 5. Coming in to talk about your job and aspects of it such as uniform, tools, duties etc. 6. Bringing in holiday souvenirs from home and abroad, postcards to talk about travel and holiday experiences. 7. Visiting with grandparents to talk about what nursery or school was like in the 'olden days!' 8. Bringing in a birthday cake, playing a party game, helping with a tea party or picnic. 9. Helping or being involved in a race for Sports' Day, coming to a Mother's Day tea party or Father's Day fun day etc. 10. Talking about your faith or special celebrations such as Christmas, Diwali, Hannukah, Chinese New Year, Ramadan, Holi etc. Many thanks for taking the time to read this letter. We very much look forward to working with you in helping your child/children to achieve their full potential. Yours very gratefully and hopefully, Martine Horvath and the Nursery Team. Similarly, an initial parent interview with some questions to glean a little more information about their child may help because you can find out a huge amount if you get your questions right. Here is an example from PEAL (Parents Early Years and Learning): Parent interview sheet Who do you go to if you want to talk about your child? How easy is it to talk to staff? What makes it easy/hard? How was the settling-in period? How did it make you feel? What worked well during settling-in? What might have made it better? How did the staff help? What do you know about how children are learning here? What do you think you do at home with your child [children] that helps them learn? Has anything that the setting has provided or done helped you to do more with your child at home? What additional support would you like to help you understand more about how your child is learning and developing, for example some training, information sheets, or more time to talk to someone? Have you heard about any opportunities we offer here to find out more about how children are learning? Have you come along to anything like this before? If so, what is helpful? If not, why didn't you feel like coming? Do you know you can see your child's records? Are you able to see them whenever you want to? Do you understand them? Are you ever asked for your own observations about your child's learning? Have you written anything on the records? What do you think, for future parents, could make it easier to understand your child's learning? What could be better? If you could describe what makes a good teacher/early years worker, what would you say? If we had known anything more about you as a family, would it have helped? The bond between parent and child can be the most powerful relationship there is and if we can help nurture this bond in our settings it will stand children in good stead to cope with whatever challenges they may face in life. Further reading "Parents as Partners" by Jennie Lindon. Paperback published by Practical Pre-School ISBN 978-1-90457-593-1 Websites www.peal.org.uk www.fatherhoodinstitute.org DVD Playing and Learning Together from the DCFS ref: 00671-2007DVD-EN
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