hello ladies - this is my first post lthough I've been a member for over a year - I'm quite shy lol!

My apologies first because this is a personal question about my own child and not about the children/setting I work in (Nursery teacher in FS Unit)

My daughter is 2yrs5months and on Tuesday took off her nappy and declared she wasn't wearing them anymore. So we trained her and by the weekend she was more or less sorted She has had a couple of 'leaks' over the weekend but immediately runs to the potty and finishes off there.

I took her to nursery this morning and announced our news. Instead of being met with the comment I was expecting (great news, what have you been doing, we'll do the same here) I was told they have a policy and she has to be wearing pullups for the first 2 weeks and then when they let her wear pants it's a 3 accident and back into nappies rule.

I am livid!

I pay for them to care for her and to work alongside us as her parents to help her develop.

When my husband picked her up she was wearing a nappy. He was told she'd had 3 accidents but the pants I sent her in were over the top of the nappy and the 3 spares I had sent were in her bag still - where are the ones she had wet??????

Maye I should have called at the back end of the week to let them know what was happening but we haven't planned this - she decided for herself.

I just wondered what you all thought and what you think I should say/do next week (if I can wait that long!) I really don't want her in nappies/pull ups when she clearly doesn't need to be - she got out of bed tonight and took her nappy off because she needed a wee ...

Rachel x

I'm livid for you! Could you ask to speak to the manager? We regularly have children coming in 'new pants' who are nowhere near 'ready' and we have several accidents, but I would NEVER put a child back into a nappy unless the parent gave me specific instructions to do so, and even then I'd try not to!

Accidents happen, and that's how children learn.

Hi Rachel,

First of all congratulations on the big step. Potty training can quite be a stressful phase for parents but you have done soo well.

I think you should call for a meeting with the keyperson and also the headteacher of the setting. I am livid that they are doing it...they need to change their policy...thats the first I have heard.
You are in the right to send your daughter in knickers and they gotta support you in that. Having accidents is part of toilet training.
I would insist you take it up further with them and try and include the family worker if they have one.
Let us know how you get on.

I'm livid for you too. We often have children having accidents, sometimes several in one morning. BUT I never put the child back in nappies and to be honest we even try to talk parents who want us to do so out of it. We explain that if they are giving it a real go it is often more confusing for the child to do this. I would complain about this.

How DARE they!!!

I've never heard of such a strange policy - most "expert" childrearing opinions say that once out of nappies, there's no going back

You have followed the wishes your daughter has clearly expressed and she is obviously "ready"

Any child has accidents after potty training - too busy/involved in what they're doing, tired, under the weather.... but are mostly reliable, particularly when given praise, support and encouragement.

I'd definitely get your local LA involved and ask the setting for a meeting to discuss the way forward.

I wonder how Ofsted would view this? If a setting can be reprimanded for following parents wishes and waking a sleeping child, "because the child's interests are paramount", what would happen to a setting that ignores the rights of the child this way??

Nona

It is odd that this policy is a surprise to you - it should have been made pretty clear to you that this is how they handle potty training.

I would definitely not leave it here - you have a right to expect that the setting will work with you to care for your child and adopt a consistent approach when it comes to toileting.

Don't allow yourself to be intimidated - there is absolutely no reason why you should have called the staff to give them adance warning. They should have been delighted with the progress your daughter has made - a real 'wow' moment if ever there was one. It is up to the nursery to have sufficient staff to meet the needs of the children they care for, rather than to have policies that meet the needs of practitioners to run a smooth ship.

I'd either speak to the key carer and/or room leader and tell them how unhappy I was at how the issue is being handled, and tell them what my preferences are. If they were adamant that they had to follow their own policies then I might speak to the Manager, but if I couldn't face that (and let's face it no matter how assertive we are, these things can be really draining and take every ounce of courage we have!) I'd make a complaint and allow the procedure to run its course. Do you have a copy of their complaints procedure at home? That might give you an idea of how they handle these kinds of things. As a provider I would much rather parents gave me a chance to make things right again when things go wrong rather than just to complain to Ofsted or the Local Authority. However if the response you got today is correct and non-negotiable then I would definitely make a complaint

The dilemma then would be whether to leave your daughter in their care at this point, if they are unable to follow your wishes and allow your daughter to stay out of nappies. She must be completely bewildered with what is going on - especially since she was the one who decided she was ready.

I think I would definitely set the ball in motion now so that you can either be sure that your daughter will not be forced to wear pull ups when she goes to nursery next week, or you can make alternative arrangements (although I know that is difficult because you don't have much time, and you need to work).

Good luck - I hope it is all easily resolved but if not stick to your guns. You know what is right for your daughter - after all you're her first and most enduring educator, aren't you?

Let us know how things go won't you?

Maz

I just wanted to agree with all the previous comments this is so wrong. It is so common for little ones to have accidents in nursery when they first come out of nappies. I hope you get this sorted soon.


Tink69

It always surprises me how different settings can have different rules and still be allowed to operate.
Their actions were interfering to say the least. You have every right to be extremley upset at them. I've been in a nursery where a nappy was put on a child because the staff said she wasnt ready, when in fact I was 99% sure it was because it was easier for the lazy staff to manage.


Well done for making your first post too and dont worry about it being a personal subject, its kind of what this forum is about, helping each other with whatever needs helping with.

Thank you all so much - it makes me feel better that people who are not emotionally involved in the situation agree with me!

My husband spoke to the manager when he picked her up and she told him that they have the policy because some parents abuse them and send their children in pants when they are nothing like ready hoping nursery will do the training for them. I feel a little bit offended by this because all families are individual and shouldn't be tarred with the same brush!

I wasn't aware of the policy until today but when I suggested it was a little late to tell me about it they said there was a folder full of policies by the signing in book. They made me feel like it was my fault for not looking for it!

TBH we've never been totally happy with the place. We moved there from an outstanding provider because we needed school drop off for our son. This nursery is on the school premises though privately run.

I have been looking for an alternative since before Christmas and today has set the touchpaper again!

My mother-in-law has agreed to have them both for me next monday if they insist she has to wear nappies/pullups so I won't need to worry about it until the middle of may now (Bank holiday the week after!)

Right - I am going to try and unwind a bit or I'll never get to sleep with all this buzzing round my head!!

Thanks again

Rachel x

Sometimes we need a good push to sort something out that has been bothering us for a while, and it sounds as if today was the day!

It does sound very underhand to me - and to make you feel bad because you hadn't had time to read a whole folder full of policies just adds insult to injury. Thank heavens for mothers-in-law - hopefully she'll buy you some time so you can sort out what to do next.

Have a good night's sleep - tomorrow is another day!

Maz

.... and another day your daughter has been out of nappies!

Hope you can make long term, alternative arrangements without too much distress for you all, if that's what you decide to do - although it sounds as if your mind has been made up for you today!?

Nona

We're delighted when children start potting training, and I always reassure parents that we will cope when they worry about their child's accidents, it's just par for the course. We had a new child potting training today, couldn't be better weather for it.

I wouldn't dream of putting a child back in nappies, that is the parent's decision. Incidentally one of our parents has put their child back in nappies, I don't think it's a good idea but again that is their choice I have to respect it and try to support the parent.

Just a quick update to let you know that my 2 are starting a new nursery from Monday!

It's been a logistical nightmare to sort out but it's amazing what oyu can do when you are desperate!

Thanks for all your replies,

Rachel xxx

PS when I asked the new setting about potty training they said 'what do you do at home, we'll do the same' - just what I wanted to hear

well, good for you and your daughter! We also go with what the family are doing at home...we currently have three who are potty training, one dad told me we can just let his son run around commando! I had to sy that we can't do that, but are happy to change his son as often as necessary, though of course we'll be reminding him to try the loo frequently, and he's happy with that, he said he thought we'd just get fed up changing him, so I said no, it's all part of the job and part of their child's development.
I would put a complaint in to the manager of your old setting, even though you have now moved, it might make them think. It's a nonsense to say they do it because parents can't be bothered ( which, in essence, IS what they are implying!).If they reply in writing, with this policy, i'd send it to the 'O' people for them to investigate: the child's needs and routines are paramount here, so they should investigate.