20 replies to this topic

[Nicola Call]

I'm in the middle of looking around settings for my daughter, and have been amazed at the differing policies of preschools about welcoming prospective parents!

Yesterday I looked at a parent co-op preschool & elementary school. Now, this was fascinating. I called to make an appt, and they just told me to show up any morning between 9 and 11. When I arrived I was given a talk by the very friendly secretary, a map, a visitors badge and an information pack. I was then left to wander freely around the school, and talk to any chidlren or adults (there were tons of adults, at least 4 in every room!) It was an incredible experience, and I knew that there were no efforts to hide anything. (except the fact that they had lost a kindergartener for a few minutes, he'd gone to the office to get his medicine withuot telling anyone, but I wouldnt have realised this if a child hadn't told me!!)

Then, feeling all inspired, I called another parent co-op school yesterday afternoon, and was told by a very brisk secretary that no parents were allowed to visit, except on the Open Day next January. When I asked how this would enable me to make an informed choice, withuot seeing the school in action, she was silent, and said she didn't understand what I meant.

Other schools have given me guided tours by secretaries or admin officers. I've not yet met a principal or school director, except for a group talk or open house. Once I find a suitable setting, I will request an appt with the principal or director, and see what happens then.

I'm interested to hear what other parents' expectations are when looking for a preschool (or school) and what practitioners here think. I used to spend many hours showing prospective parents around my school and answering questions, but maybe that is not practical for a lot of settings. Do you feel that an Open Day gives adequate information to parents, or should it just be a starting point? If a school seems reluctant to give me more than an open day or information meeting, should that be enough to put me off? I have to say that my impression then is that the setting is not parent-friendly, but maybe that's unfair.

I've rambled enough, but I'd love to hear what others think. :D

[lesleylewis49]

Hi Nicola
As part of my work as a co-ordinator for children with special educational needs i visit many pre-schools. Those who have nothing to hide have an open door policy, parents are welcome to visit anytime, but are informed that times such as lunchtime, first thing or home time are sometimes busier and staff may not have the time to spend with them, but nonetheless are still not discouraged. I particularly like places who value play more than trying to teach children to write their name too early or read a book too early - this is the place for fun, exploration and discovery.
So keep insisiting on your standards - they're not too high!!!
lesley

[Linda McDowell]

Hi Nicola
We too have an open door policy. Any parent, past, present or future who wants to call into pre-school may do so any time they wish. If it is a particularly busy time, e.g. arrival time, I will ask parents to sit to one side with their child and watch what happens.
I always try to show parents around myself, as owner, but if not I know that all of my staff are happy to do so. I tell parents to look around and ask questions of anybody. Any staff can't answer, like the financial side of things, they will refer visitors to me.
My attitude is "What you see is what you get" If we are having a bad session so be it-if parents don't like it then tough!! I am always suspicious of any pre-school who wants to make appointments!!
Linda

[Linda McDowell]

That didn't sound too good! When I said tough if they didn't like what they saw was, after some explanation, if they can't accept that 3 & 4 year olds will be 3 & 4 year olds and sometimes things go awry then that is tough!! We all have bad days and we need to be honest about that and explain to parents that these things happen.
Does that sound better??
Linda

[Helen]

Whilst I agree with the concept of an open-door policy, and we have had such arrangements until recently, I would like to put across the disadvantages for the setting if visitors continually turn up! We were reaching the point where twice a week (or more), visitors would arrive and completely disrupt the atmosphere, continually interrupt what we were doing with our children, and generally get in the way Despite our saying that they were welcome to stay for half an hour or so, on many occasions it would be very difficult to get them to leave! (A compliment, I guess) We don't have a huge amount of space and an additional adult with a child (and very often an accompanying baby) makes a real difference to our home-based setting. In addition, our child with ASD used to get very distressed with the increase in noise and constantly seeing new faces.
We now make an appointment (still saying "Just come for half an hour or so!!"). We offer them days and times when I am supernumerary and therefore able to answer any questions on the spot. I find that by staying with the family, I can, when I feel the time is right, now say "If you have any further questions, do call me at anytime...." and walk towards the door! :D As almost all of our families come to us through personal recommendations, they do know a lot about us already, so we're fortunate in that respect.
In terms of them seeing us, warts and all, that happens on the child's first sessions, when we encourage the parents to stay for as long as they like, and for as many sessions as they like. We have a very staggered entry, and only have a couple of children starting each day.

[Linda McDowell]

I appreciate that an open door policy is not right for everybody. What you do Helen is a half way house, as you don't give parents a specific time to arrive which I think is a good idea. I always say to our parents try not to arrive at the start and end of the session as things are pretty hectic then but they can come at any time between 9.30 and 11.30. If they do come and I am too busy, perhaps they want an application form, I give them this and then ask them to come back with it at a better time and I will show them around. We are lucky in that I am supernumeray every day so this doesn't cause us a problem.
We have had a some groups in the Stockport area, and presume some still do, who gave a definite appointment time. If parents turned up at any other time they were asked to leave and come back with an appointment booked. These are the groups who ring alarm bells for me. We had one little boy come to us whose Mum had not been allowed to stay when he was there on a pre starting visit!! Against her better judgement she left him and when she got back was told that he couldn't start when they had originally said he could because he had been very distressed and had wet and soiled himself-they felt he wasn't ready yet!!!! Why did she have to leave? Surely the whole point of any visits or settling in sessions is for the child and parents to find out what goes on and learn the routine?
I think most parents are very aware of how sessions can be when you have 20 something 3 and 4 year olds. I think they are very accepting of what you see is what you get. Like you, Helen, the vast majority of parents choose our pre-school because they know somebody who has been with us before. We actually have a line on our appliaction form asking parents how did they find out about us. Nine times out of ten it is through recommendation. :D :D So they too know a lot about us before they get here.
Linda

[Nicola Gray]

Yes, I agree with Linda on this one - I am happy to show people around at any time and also explain that it's probably not the best time to come at 9.30 when we are just beginning or after 12 when we go into group sessions and it's all hands on deck to clear up and I have said many times to parent What you see is what you get. However, I was criticised once from a parent for not spending enough time with her as the children were also asking me questions, this parent had already spent over an hour and a half at the group already constantly asking questions which I think admirable but it's hard to make the balance. I do believe that parents need to sepnd time in a group to see how the session runs but I also explain that the children must come first. We have two large rooms so it is fairly easy to monitor any movements if they want their child to integrate and play at that time.
Nikki

[Nicola Call]

It's really interesting hearing your perspectives. My search for a preschool is ongoing, but I had an interesting conversation with a school today. This is a very small, home-run preschool. The director told me that she'd be happy to show me around, but that she had a child leaving this week and a new one starting. She doesnt like to show people around when settling new children in as the premises are small and it is too disruptive to the new family, so she will call me when he's settled and they are ready to have visitors.

I have to say that this really whetted my appetite for looking at this setting - the complete respect for the child. When I've visited I shall report back - maybe this will turn out to be the setting for my daughter. :D

[Helen]

What a great response from the Director; I'd be very keen to find out more about this setting! Sometimes we do have to make a decision which might be misinterpreted by some parents as obstructive, but I think if the decision is in the best interests of the child(ren) we have to take that risk.
Let us know how it goes, Nicola :D

[Linda McDowell]

Sounds like a really good place Nichola. You can appreciate, in a small setting, that visitors would be disruptive when settling new children. I hope this is the place for you and your daughter.
Linda

[Susan]

I haven't responded to this one before, as it is a long time since I chose a playgroup for my sons. They are now 16 & 14!

With my elder son, I was unable to find a playgroup with spaces until I was directed to a new one that was just opening up.
The resourses were sparse and not ideal but everyone was friendly and accomodating.
My son was reluctant to leave me, I had a young baby and did not want him to be pushed out so I left the baby with my mother and accopmanied my son to playgroup on 2 mornings a week. It was relaxed, probably wouldn't come up to scratch in todays standards but it met our needs. I became a committee member .

By the time my younger son had reached eligibility, the supervisor had moved on and although I knew those running the playgroup from my previous connections, they were surprised when I did not automatically accept the space but insisted on visiting.
I arrived & after initial greeting, was completely ignored as was the child. He was not a born extrovert and did not move from my side. I saw little in the way of adult-child interaction and actually thought my son could probably run the activities on his own.
Needless to say I did not accept the place!

They both went on to an excellent Nursery which I knew of due to my own teaching experiences.
The settling proceedures were excellent for my second son, who found it really difficult, meeting my needs & his!

I did not shop around for primary schools, deciding to send them to the school at the end of the road.
Secondary choices were complicated as we are in a selective area but still need to explore all possibilities but I did not put schools on my lists who did not offer visiting during the working day, although I did prevail myself of these! Nor did I choose schools where I felt the parents were being addressed as children!
The keyword I looked for in the headteacher's address was "happy".

Not directly of help to you Nicola but you must trust your own judgement, as I'm sure you are!

[Nicola Call]

"Not directly of help to you Nicola but you must trust your own judgement, as I'm sure you are!"

Thanks for the vote of confidence Susan!

One of the problems is that what I am doing by keeping my children at home until past three years old is really against the norm here. There are literally hundreds of settings in the area, taking children from very young. Many of my daughter's little friends were in 'school' before the age of two. Some of the settings are very formal. In fact, one mum asked me if I wasn't worried that my daughter wouldnt get into the right college if I didnt get her into the right preschool before she was two! There is a rush in some circles to get the children 'into school' as early as possible.

My daughter is very capable, but very shy, and I know that right now a big preschool would overwhelm her. I don't want her in a formal setting, but neither are the big, busy settings right for her. My feeling is that by next September, she will be more confident in groups, and if I can find a small setting with a little structure, she will make the transition happily. She dislikes too much activity around her and likes to be left to really concentrate on what she calls her 'work', so some of the settings I have seen with fabulous outdoor areas and huge premises, would be too much for her to function comfortably.

Now, if I had a really kinesthetic child, I've seen some great matches! If my younger daughter turns out that way (she's a real monkey, I caught her this week on the dining table, finger painting the walls with a tub of cream cheese :D ) then I'd choose a very different setting for her. One of the joys of California is wonderful weather, so some of the schools have fabulous outdoor areas that are really well used all year around. But for my older daughter, this is not a great priority, as she really likes small world play, reading, artwork, drawing and writing. As some of these settings have such great outdoor areas, I've observed whole mornings where all the children are outside engaged mostly in large motor activity, and none would be inside with my little girl. Although she likes and needs outdoor play, it is not her favourite activity, and I forsee that she could end up isolated indoors a lot of the time. I need to find a place where there is a really good indoor/outdoor balance.

I'll let you know what the small preschool is like when I get to visit.

Nicola

[Linda McDowell]

Hi Nichola
What is, or should be, "the norm"? I do think many parents make decisions for their children based on what their friends or family do. I often get told that they don't really want to send their child to state nursery but it would be a crime to turn down a place!!!
When my daughter was 3 I sent her to a local playgroup. We had not lived here very long and I didn't know the area too well. I visited the local infant school, which was lovely, and the head recommended I send her to the playgroup in the grounds of the school. I was very naive in thinking that because she said to use it it was going to be good. It wasn't it was awful!! Carrie hated it-she was a very clingy little girl, still is a home bird at 23, and she just didn't settle. She was waking at night and crying and I knew it was all down to her attending the playgroup. There was very little interaction between children and the staff and they were not very welcoming to parents. The activities they provided were very limiting so I decided to withdraw her. You can imagine the reaction to that!!!! I was told that I was making a big mistake, she would have difficulties once she went to school, I was depriving her of friends and so the list went on!! This was not just from the playgroup but from friends too. We attended toddler groups instead and went to the library on story days, did loads at home. She loved it and thrived. She made friends with the children at toddlers etc. so I never felt I was depriving her of anything. Yes, she was hard to settle at school, but that was her-she hated school from the day she walked in to the day she walked out at 17 years of age!! But she has grown into a lovely young woman with a good job and a busy social life. What more could I ask?
You know what is best for your daughter-stick with it!!
Linda

[Sue R]

I know this is really old stuff, but I just happened across it today.

How did it all turn out Nicola.

Wish I'd known about the site then!

Sue :D