14 replies to this topic

[dillydally]

Hi all im after a little advice.

My son was born on 02/10/2000. I made an application to his school and they say he will start next year (sept 05). They do not have a pre-school class prior to this (its a catholic school).

He has been at the same nursery since he was 10 weeks old and is very advanced for his age (reads about 10 words, writes full name, counts to 50, knows all alphabet and letters, knows own address, phone number, huge vocab (people always think hes 5). I feel frustrated that he may be missing out and being held back through not attending the school earlier. His health visitor says he should be at school now as he is definately ready.

What i wanted to know i guess is what the children learn in the pre-school class, is it the same as a nursery? Would it be advisable to change nurseries so that he can have a change? most of his friends have left the nursery now and he seems unhappy being there.

Thanks

Dillydally

[Beau]

Hi dillydally and welcome to the site.

This is a really difficult subject for me as I have such mixed feelings about this subject. I can really understand the dilemma you're feeling and am pleased you are obviously trying to do the best thing for your son. Obviously not knowing your son's nursery it's difficult to say whether he is benefiting from his experience there. Have you talked to the nursery staff about your concerns? If the nursery is good they should be able to formulate some sort of learning program which will suit your son's individual needs. The only thing I would add is that a child of 3 1/2 has many more needs than just pure academic ones. Is your child emotionally well balanced? - can he interact well with his peers? - does he have good physical skills? (Able to balance, kick and catch a ball, hold a pencil well, cut out using scissors etc) These are all important too and are often overlooked in favour of more 'academic skills'. A child has to have a good balance in their lives to develop fully. Have you thought about the impact it might have on your son if you try to integrate him with children much older and maturer than himself? I'm not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing but will have implications for him in the future which may be worth considering now.
Sorry, I don't think I've been much help here. It's very late and I will go away and think about this further! :)

[mundia]

Hi there dilly dally, welcome on board and thanks for making yourself known to us.

Beau makes a really good point about your sons develoment in other areas, perhaps you can tell us a little more about that. I come across children quite often who have very good 'academic' skills but find it very difficult being in a class of 30, and not getting the attention they are used to.; Im not saying that is the case with your son, just asking the question really.

If your son is doing well in all aeas, then I think that would say a lot about the nursery he attends if he has been there for over 3 years. The stability will, Im sure, have made a big difference to how he is developing. I think you would need a really good reason to move him for another year, and then again (into school) a year later. is he unhappy where he is going? And of course you dont know if the place you moved him to would be any better-you would really have to do your homwework.

I would go and talk to the staff at the nursery, find out about him in other areas, and if necessary what they can to to meet his needs if they are not being met. If they are good nursery, they should be doing that anyway.

Im sure other members will have something to add.

[Helen]

Hi Dilly Dally,
Thanks for making your post. I'd agree with the other members' ideas about a well-rounded development being the aim of the Foundation Stage. All pre-schools and nurseries have to follow the Foundation Stage Guidance Document (you can get a copy from the QCA), but they do have lots of choices in how to offer this curriculum. Some pre-schools and nurseries are rather more formal than others, some offer a wonderfully creative curriculum, with music, art, drama and dance being high on the agenda. What is your son's nursery like? If you did change, you might be able to offer him a differently-focussed curriculum. You would have to weight this up against a complete change of setting for two years running.

[Sue R]

Hi dillydally, welcome!

I, too sympathise, but would back up all that has been said - you need to be really sure before you move him!

We have a high achieving 3 year old in my setting, reading fluently and well advanced in all areas, secure emotionally and interacting well with all and sundry, due to start school next Easter. We have been dealing with it by just ensuring he gets appropriate support through his Keyworker and PDP, with ALL nuresry staff being aware of his needs, from baby room to management. This has worked fine, until recently, when Mum and Dad announced a new baby was on the way - the poor chicken doesn't know whether he's coming or going, having tantrums and 'accidents' and generally seeming very unhappy.

Not trying to scare you, but just trying to show that at the end of the day, he is only three, and sometimes there's more going on than you think!

I would back up the advice to leave your son where he is, as he's been so happy and done so well, but enter into some useful discussions with the staff. Hope this is of some help?

Take care,

Sue :D

[dillydally]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

At the last parents evening i spoke to his keyworker and she said that he is bored with the work he is doing. She says she has been giving him the work the older children are doing and he seems happier although she said she cannot do any more for him in her group and he needs to move up. I have spoken to the nursery manager and she says she cannot move him because he will be in the same position next year. His keyworker is lovely and has suggested he move to another nursery where they do more with him. I am told that he is disruptive when doing certain activities because he can do them too easily and starts messing around due to boredom. Generally his keyworker gets him to help her prepare things they are doing and help with the others just to keep him entertained!

i have looked into a lot of different nurseries in the area and there is a private nursery that offers additional activities such as french classes. The nursery he is at is a college nursery so a lot of the children are from student parents and staff, he started on the day it opened as it was near our home and my friend worked there so they allowed me to take him there although im not a student.

He is able to do all things, he goes to football practice on Saturdays, i have been taking him swimming since he was a baby so he can swim really well.
He can cut paper and draw well. He is super active and keeps me on my toes!!

Although it sounds it, I am not pushy in any way with him and dont force him to do things, i just spend alot of time with him, i am a single working parent so when i get home in the evenings my time is devoted to him, playing and reading etc. he can even use the computer at home quite well too.

I guess i just want to know he is happy and entertained whilst i am at work and not being shouted at constantly for disrupting everyone else.

Dillydally

[Sue R]

dillydally,
Where are you, if you don't mind me asking? Something you said rings a bell and I'm curious.

Thanks,

Sue :D

[dillydally]

Hi Sue, im in the Midlands, what did i say? :)

[Susan]

hi dillydally and welcome,

What a dilemma you have, this is a really difficult decision and unfortunately, only you are going to be able to make it.

However, everyone has made some really useful suggestions and you have clarified the situation. From the situation you describe, I would actually think that you need to think quite seriously about moving him-as indeed you are. Is it possible for you to and your son to visit some of the alternatives. You could also talk to him, what can he tell you?
My thoughts are where did his friends go to and why?

I was in a similar situation with my sons at primary school. They hated the school and in the end I decided the risk of moving them and them hating that too was too great to take, assuming I could have found spaces elsewhere! But my elder son is still at 16 a school avoider and although he has chosen to stay into the sixth form, he would rather be ill and at home than well and at school.

The emotional damage that could be done, with the behavioural traits that you can see developing would cause me great concern.

Good luck.

Susan

[Sue R]

Dillydally,

Where in the Midlands?

It was the comment about additional activities, reminded me of something!

Sue :D

[Beau]

Okay! We're all intrigued now - put us out of our misery Sue!! :D

[Sue R]

Sorry!!!!!!!

It really isn't anything, just the Day Nursery where I work offer French and Spanish, I was fishing for an exact location, in case I could help at all. I'll use PMs in future!

You lot should be detectives

Not very subtle, am I?

Sue :D

[bubblejack]

Hello Dilldally,
Have you asked the Nursery who your son's friends are. Could you nurture one of these friendships at home. We find this often works if a child is reluctant to come. Are the nursery aware of your childs interests can they build his curriculum on this. What activities do the nursery provide that are child initiated and is he using these and if not why not. In my pre-school I plan for a balance of adult directed activities and child initiated activities. I would try and work with nursery before you change settings.

[lesleylewis49]

what good advice
I can understand your concern sue, but i must agree with the others
this is a very special time for children and a time when they are developing social skills that are crucial at this time
your child may be very bright but the social skills are also very important which i know you will also value
we all like to be very proud parents but there are certain times in a childs development when they need to be able to be with children thier own age to socialise
be proud of his acchievements and by all means expect your child to be challenged and stretched in some ways

[pandamonium]

I know this was ages ago but was on here looking for advice as a parent (I'm also a preschool supervisor and childminder) and saw this.
First I was curious to know what happened and secondly I wanted to share my experience...

My daughter's birthday is September and I also felt she could have done with going to school earlier so i can totally empathise there!
She was always good with language and from before the age of 3 would ask what a word said and would then remember it! Our local school was 85% non-English speaking and I admit I was worried that she might lose out (so wrong as it turned out!!) I was a Nanny in another area and my charges went to the same school that I had gone to.... I'm ashamed to admit now that I was also swayed by the dreaded league tables!! It's a small church school and almost always top of the table in the borough.
So we sent her to our local preschool which was run by old ladies called Auntie and was a free for all! Then she also went to the Nursery attached to the church school. Our thinking was that whichever school she went to, she'd know some people! The preschool for me personally was a social time as I knew she was getting stimulating activities at home!
Anyway by the time she started at the school nursery she was reading simple books and once read, she would memorise the words and could pick them out in other books/flash cards (definitely an ambassador for whole word reading my girl!). The Nursery sent her home with reading books and at parents' evening I went in as a proud parent adn came out feeling a failure.... I was told that she really had to work on learning phonetics as she just had no idea about them. Not, she's doing really well, now we need to give her some phonics help. Grrrr. This was illustrated to me by her current book. It was about a yellow duster or something (monkey characters, don't know what scheme now) when B read it the first time, she 'read' the word as cloth obviously using hte sentence and picture to help her. When she read it to me I ignored it then when I read it to her with the correct word she noticed nad used it in future. The nursery teacher said she was concerned that she had said cloth when it clearly started with a d sound. OK well I did a degree unit since in whole word vs phonic reading and I think this was a bit OTT. She was reading for sense and the gist of the story wasn't ruined!
Anyway, her schooling continued in this way. Every parents' evening I was told she was lazy. By year 2 it all fell into place. In order to keep there standards, they needed a high % of children at hte level2 or whatever it is they have to get by SATs. So once they were at that level they were abandoned and had to repeat the same level work until the others caught up. They had a whole class target rather than individual ones.
The teacher admitted to me that they had run out of work for her as they weren't allowed to give her anything higher as that was for the next year. She said she looked around the class and saw how little others had done and had realised that she didn't need to do much to have done the same and that's why she had been labelled lazy....

So the second chapter of the story

I was sick of this situation and was already starting to worry about senior school as she would either have to go near to home nad not know anyone or go to the one in the area of her primary. The vast majority of kids were tutored to try and get tehm thru hte 11+ and on to Grammar school or went private. This left the so-called dregs to go to the local comp! I wante dto be somewhere with no choice! That and other reasons prompted us to move.
We moved out of London to a small town which is a Surestart area so seen as deprived and she moved to Junior school
She went from a one form entry to a 3 form entry not knowing ANYONE and I was terrified for her! The school is middling to bottom on league tables but decided that the tables hadn't helped b4 so would ignore

Well, it has been fantastic. first parents' evening I went in and said ok hit me with how lazy she is... the teacher nearly fell off her chair! This school has individual targets and they embrace their high achievers as much as low ones. Bethany is still in top set but there are now children achieving more than her in Maths which is spurring her on!

I'm sorry this is a marathon but all I'm saying is that sometimes too much information is a handicap. We visitied this school in July, the secretary was totally welcoming and she was invited to their sports day and for the day when tehy visited their new class and she felt at home there straight away. Yes she is bright but for me it is far more important that she is happy and if she needs challenges she can have them at home - as we speak she is making an Anderson Shelter as she ahs learnt about them this week!

Hope this helps some people and any teachers please look for my other post to advise me on bright spark number 2!